An Unexpected Gift

[Sheila]

One recent development is that about 6 months ago I realized how distorted and paranoid my thinking had been and how much clearer it is now. This just lifted on it's own with little work from me...

This is a very helpful reminder to all of us. I've had this happen. Some of the newfound clarity remains with me, but some goes away again. But when you get one of these spontaneous clearings, it's really educational. You realize how distorted and paranoid your thinking has been -- more than you even realized.

So, I think this applies to most of us. It's related to the "neuro-emotion" idea. During psych med neuro recovery, you just have to take your own assessment of things with a grain of salt until you get better. And you will get better. But, meanwhile, you just can't completely trust your own interpretation of things. It's a helluva way to have to live.

<< my slightly more sane self telling my regressed self to be quiet

[Mike]

It's related to the "neuro-emotion" idea. During psych med neuro recovery, you just have to take your own assessment of things with a grain of salt until you get better. And you will get better. But, meanwhile, you just can't completely trust your own interpretation of things. It's a helluva way to have to live.

I agree with all of the above and I am just so glad that I didn't react to most of the distorted thinking that I had. At times I even had that mantra going "don't react, don't react..." With interpersonal issues I had this primal need to express myself but I also knew that if I did that I couldn't handle the fall out so I kept it to myself. My thinking does slip now and then but it's only in the heat of the moment and it's easy to bring myself back to reality. It's also nice not to be ruminating for hours on end.

[Luc]

I agree with all of the above and I am just so glad that I didn't react to most of the distorted thinking that I had. At times I even had that mantra going "don't react, don't react..." With interpersonal issues I had this primal need to express myself but I also knew that if I did that I couldn't handle the fall out so I kept it to myself. My thinking does slip now and then but it's only in the heat of the moment and it's easy to bring myself back to reality. It's also nice not to be ruminating for hours on end.

Spot on. The exact same here. In my case, sharing 99% of thoughts, even with my family, is absolutely out of the question - the very mentioning it would only result in a severe augmentation of paranoia/ruminations. Yet, at times when it's possible to share at least a bit of them, I do it, even if in a form of an emotive explanation - "darn, it hurts so much, enough of this crap", etc. Thus it helps to, at least, vent a tiny bit.

[Cindy]

. You realize how distorted and paranoid your thinking has been -- more than you even realized.

I just wanted to chime in and say that this was true for me too...

What “tipped me off” was that a friend of my daughter’s mother had been diagnosed with breast cancer around the same time I was in hard w/d. They were having marriage problems and my daughter was telling me that her friend has said her mother “gets angry very easily (outbursts) and she is paranoid about many things”. The friend has also said that her mother was on so many drugs due to her illness. They seem to know that the drugs may be the issue, but it doesn’t seem they truly “get it”. It is such a sensitive subject and I don’t know her well enough to just call and talk to her.

Anyway, the “paranoid” comment made me “rethink” some of my thinking and helped me see it differently. The "residual anxiety" began to lift at about the same time too so I'm not sure if it was the "chicken or the egg".

[Sheila]

That anecdote is really interesting to me, Cindy. I find it fascinating how clues come into us from the world, and surprising things can "make the penny drop."

The "residual anxiety" began to lift at about the same time too so I'm not sure if it was the "chicken or the egg".

This is a conundrum I have spent endless hours on. In any given instance in w/d, did my psychological insight help me to feel better, or did I just happen to heal neurologically near the same time? Or both? Or neither?

I'm also getting even more interested in non-linear causality, aka synchronicity or hsiang sheng. Events seem to cluster. Like, in my recent setback, there were several reasons that could account for it that all happened at the same time -- some physical, some psychological. It truly seemed cosmically "meant to be."

Here's a bit about hsiang sheng --

http://antidepressantwithdrawal.info...tts-on-the-Tao