Originally Posted by
Needinghelp
Its been 8.5 Months for me and honestly I dont know what to say anymore. The suffering is so incredibly intense i dont even feel like talking about it anymore. If i think of all that ive been through this past year, i cant believe it. Its been a whole year since i started tapering the drug, so a whole year of suffering for me.
My immune system crashed so badly, my emotions are completely gone, i feel like i dont exist anymore and the worst of it all, I dont know who i am anymore.
I never believed that at this time, i would be worse than ever. I feel like ive had some sort of stroke, my eyes are so distorted, im extremely sensitive to light, i cant handle any stress or stimulation, i feel out of body and completely disconnected from reality. I am extremely terrified that this wont go away. The fear I have is something i cant even explain. My anxiety is off charts. I sleep 8 hours a night, but when i wake up it feels like i didnt sleep at all, i have no sense of time, life is just passing me by and i dont know whats happening around me. How can this be happening to me? I have such bad apathy, that i dont care if i die. I cry uncontrollably to anything. I get upset about everything and i hate waking up in the mornings. Im sometimes scared to go to sleep, because im scared i dont wake up, or scared i wake up paralysed. Memories from my past keep popping up, i can remember things from the age of 2 now, and all of them, good and bad, have a sense of fear attached to them when i remember them. I have bad woman problems i never had before, i have regret and guilt so bad, i hate myself and my life.
Then i see people complaining about anxiety, depression and a few small things. They have no idea. I would give anything to only have those symptoms. Anything.
I try my best to stay positive, but its hard. Its hard living like this. I have to live my life, but i cant. Im thinking of quiting my job. I dont have anything left to live for, so why even bother working? Everyone is promising me that things will get better, but when? And how? I feel like im so deep in this hole it will be impossible to get out of it. How can a person who only took paxil for 4 years suffer this much? Ok i might have had an adverse reaction or whatever on top of it, but i have Never seen anyone suffer like this. I think the only one i saw with similar symptoms was Tryingtogetwell.
God, if you can hear me, please, i am begging you, keep my family safe and healthy, and please, let there be an end to this suffering. Please let me see improvements and completely heal from this.
