You're doing just great at stringing words together, but I believe you that it feels hard and not your normal.
For a long time in early w/d it felt like nothing I did helped. And it was so chaotic, I couldn't tell when things were helping or harming. As I got better, more things started to be helpful.
Don't worry at all about not knowing your mission yet. You might find this essay useful at some point. It's about having to tolerate a long time of nothing working and not knowing as part of the process of a descent experience that is creating something very new.
Ugh -- I'm strugging with a new computer and I can't copy the link -- it's the 9 Jan 13 post called The Descent Experience and the Tertium Non Datur on the blog.
Is it something that has to be fixed or allowed? You know the serenity prayer? I believe you should do what you can within reason to support your healing. But, there's going to be a limit to what you can do, and then you have to accept that. As part of a Kundalini awakening, there is a lot of transient pathology. As you know, the theory is that physical and psychological traumas are being purged. You don't want to go overboard and encourage more purge -- you don't seem to have that tendency. And you do want to do what you can to keep yourself as safe and comfortable as possible during it.
It does sound like your spiritual lectures are helping you feel calm and hope, and that's very healing. Lastly, being a highly emotional person myself, I found it life-saving to move into my head a lot during this.
