sometimes I pretned he is with me talking to me....sad, but true
sometimes I pretned he is with me talking to me....sad, but true
Put on citalopram July 2009 during a physical illness - didnt need it. 40mg
went down to 20mg July 2010 CT in Jan 2012 - 2.5 years on.
Tried to restart July 2012 due to 1 panic attack (never had one before - start of CT W/D) - adverse reaction
Down to 1.5mg from the failed RI
Now at 0.48 and trying to stabalize - been 6 weeks
now have SEVERE anxiety, akathsia, feel like Im on acid 24/7 depression, D/P, signed off work. Scared of everything..please God let me heal from this
sorry honey what do you mean? do you mean a sequel to his book?
He has a great blog that is worth reading here
http://www.madinamerica.com/author/msamet/
Put on citalopram July 2009 during a physical illness - didnt need it. 40mg
went down to 20mg July 2010 CT in Jan 2012 - 2.5 years on.
Tried to restart July 2012 due to 1 panic attack (never had one before - start of CT W/D) - adverse reaction
Down to 1.5mg from the failed RI
Now at 0.48 and trying to stabalize - been 6 weeks
now have SEVERE anxiety, akathsia, feel like Im on acid 24/7 depression, D/P, signed off work. Scared of everything..please God let me heal from this
. double post
Put on citalopram July 2009 during a physical illness - didnt need it. 40mg
went down to 20mg July 2010 CT in Jan 2012 - 2.5 years on.
Tried to restart July 2012 due to 1 panic attack (never had one before - start of CT W/D) - adverse reaction
Down to 1.5mg from the failed RI
Now at 0.48 and trying to stabalize - been 6 weeks
now have SEVERE anxiety, akathsia, feel like Im on acid 24/7 depression, D/P, signed off work. Scared of everything..please God let me heal from this
Hi hun, I'm right with you today, anxiety so high, shaking all over, can't sit down or focus on anything. Three more hours until 4PM when things usually start to improve...seems an eternity. This time last year was still working full time, thought it would pass in a few weeks if I could just stick it out. Stupid, stupid stupid. A year of plans, holidays, all gone to crap and me still here with no improvement. We just have to keep it together and keep repeating positive affirmations because it really will improve. Everybody gets better, we will too. Next year will be different and we'll be giving others encouragment. You did have that window; you know it's possible; if it happened once it will happen again.
10;mg PAXIL 12 YEARS
C/T June 2012
an ode to iawp
How often my young life has seemed so plain sailing
Sanctimoniously helping the sick and the ailing
Not knowing, whilst I would go home and have fun
How deeply the pain of anxiety runs
So here now I find myself, living in pain
Just to go through the motions again and again
In the hope and the longing that this all will end
One day greet my old self back home as a friend
In the meantime I live, for the greater part
In a home that has come to be close to my heart
In the IAWP no jusgement, just comfort and venting
No need for my mask here, no need for pretending
When the night is too long and I feel I could puke
I look to my comforters Sheila and Luc
When another long day has gone straight down the pan
I find solice in friendship from Squirrel and Stan
Im amazed at the strength m&m has exampled
More than her fair share of trouble shes sampled
When I cannot conceive of one more day in hell
along comes an email from my poodlebell
claudius, sally, and so many others
We struggle together, now sisters and brothers
One day might find happiness, comfort and Joy
and allow me to mother my bright shining boy
But til we reach the end of this awful ordeal
Together we stand, and together we heal.
Off the cuff guys, Im feeling creative
Put on citalopram July 2009 during a physical illness - didnt need it. 40mg
went down to 20mg July 2010 CT in Jan 2012 - 2.5 years on.
Tried to restart July 2012 due to 1 panic attack (never had one before - start of CT W/D) - adverse reaction
Down to 1.5mg from the failed RI
Now at 0.48 and trying to stabalize - been 6 weeks
now have SEVERE anxiety, akathsia, feel like Im on acid 24/7 depression, D/P, signed off work. Scared of everything..please God let me heal from this
Moui, I would have included you in my poem but I have no idea how to pronounce your username!!!
Put on citalopram July 2009 during a physical illness - didnt need it. 40mg
went down to 20mg July 2010 CT in Jan 2012 - 2.5 years on.
Tried to restart July 2012 due to 1 panic attack (never had one before - start of CT W/D) - adverse reaction
Down to 1.5mg from the failed RI
Now at 0.48 and trying to stabalize - been 6 weeks
now have SEVERE anxiety, akathsia, feel like Im on acid 24/7 depression, D/P, signed off work. Scared of everything..please God let me heal from this
Lol no worries neither do I. Did you really come up with that just now? Niiice, at least your cognitive brain parts are working. Btw, have you composed your own music before or do you play covers?
Acceptance. Time. Habit.
Ha! Great ode! And it’s interesting to see that you can see that this ordeal, horrible as it is, has deepened your empathy for others, seasoned you.
I think there are a couple of reasons why you can’t feel hope. A big part of it is chemically-driven = neuro-emotion. Neuro-emotions, or neuro-beliefs can be very, very compelling. I have experienced it myself. And I can’t tell you how many people I’ve watched over the years start to feel better and then say, “Why did I believe that?”
I think there is another factor in your lack of faith, and I don’t know exactly what it is, but it has to do with your psychology, your character, your life experience. Something you bring to w/d is combining with the chemical chaos to create this very adamant belief that you are doomed. I don’t think you can identify what it is. It’s something deep in you. Eventually, it will be more clear.
We all bring our personalities and histories to w/d, and they interweave with the toxic drug’s effect, and shape our experience of w/d and our interpretation of w/d. We all bring vulnerabilities and biases to this mammoth challenge. And, I find that w/d has a paradoxical benefit of causing healing and growth in everyone’s personality.
You have lowered the amount of toxin in your body. That’s good for you. And your receptors will eventually self-regulate, along with everything else that has to repair itself. The brain constantly changes in response to new conditions. Everyone has gotten much better.
You might want to talk to Jo / Buxy’s Back – she won a UK disability claim based entirely on psych med w/d.
Meds free since June 2005.
"An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one's own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space."
-- Holger Kalweit
thanks all, I have tried to contact Jo, but she never responded sadly. Thanks for all the advice.
Moui, sure I wrote my own stuff at onme point, it was all crap though, one day when Im feeling better (if Im feeling better) I will upload some my old stuff...
I started playing guitar at 8 years old, and was in a little band called Jumping Fudge when I was 16, guitar and singing, great fun.
Then I did solo gigs for a long time and alot of busking, after I got married I just play for myself, and at parties, you know the good old singalong, always fun at the end of a long night. ahhh thiose were the days.
Its weird, right now because I feel fine mainly because its after midnight, Im like, yeah Im gonna be fine, everything will be ok, but when I have severe symptoms I cannot see past them, they blind me and drain me of any hope at all.
mAYBE one day when I improve, because I know I will improve, I will be able to think a little differently, what I need to do is stop reading every ''horror' story I can find, of people never recovering saying how their lifes are forever ruined, have akathsiia for 8 years etc etc, and it doesnt seem to matter to my w/d brain if they have had 10 million ects and life long mental health issues and 20 years on antipsychotics, I still see myself in their shoes, cant help it...perhaps it would be kinder to myself to simply not read them and try to limit my reading to recovry stories and stories of hope
Put on citalopram July 2009 during a physical illness - didnt need it. 40mg
went down to 20mg July 2010 CT in Jan 2012 - 2.5 years on.
Tried to restart July 2012 due to 1 panic attack (never had one before - start of CT W/D) - adverse reaction
Down to 1.5mg from the failed RI
Now at 0.48 and trying to stabalize - been 6 weeks
now have SEVERE anxiety, akathsia, feel like Im on acid 24/7 depression, D/P, signed off work. Scared of everything..please God let me heal from this