I honestly can't remember how long it's been.. that's one reason why I need to start journaling. I would have to go through old posts to see when things happened. I remember I had the pain stuff, made teeny tiny drop ..still felt like my left eye wanted to leave the eye-socket and some really weird odd sensations, made a couple more minidrops.. and few more, felt good and I think I made one more just in case. WD-wise either it's been delayed (it always has been 1-2month) or it's just been so ridiculously mild. I DID have some very weak depression. I didn't even recognize it at first I just felt chronicly bored at everything (posted about this in Aberdeens journal) but that too went. Nothing changed in my routine but now I'm interested in things again. And I get some guilt surges. I feel guilty at what I post.. guilty at not doing things, guilt this guilt that. There's a word in finnish 'morkkis', it's short for 'moral hangover' for the stupid stuff you do when drunk and the guilt and shame and angst that follows. It feels like that.. I felt guilty after seeing the therapist. It just makes no sense. Then it passes. Honestly, who knows maybe that's ME.. I've been on this mind trip I don't remember who I was before. I know I've grown and the guy who used to shake like a leaf when giving a presentation has also given marching orders to half a company of men.. but what was me, what was me on-mind-steroids..

I just hope I don't get any of that pain stuff.. it's not unbearable, the last few were milder but it feels so unnatural. I can imagine my neurons popping and cracking and it frightens me.. then after the drops I just generally feel healthier. In a way I want to make more drops to prevent it from happening again but yeah I shouldn't hurry off either..