Quote Originally Posted by Mike View Post
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I just reached a certain point where I got so sick of talking about all this stuff, endless hypothesizing about very far flung and unhelpful ideas, banging my head against the wall with the medical profession, supplements, etc. At some point I just had to ask myself where is this getting me?

Accepting my symptoms at any given moment is one of the only things that's brought me any measure of relief so it's something I am going to explore further. I think it's about a lot more than simply acknowledging the reality of the illness...I wish this were a situation in which I could wage a battle and fight to take my life back. I've got a whole lot of that in me. I've shown that over and over again in other periods of my life but it just isn't getting me anywhere with this so I have to look for another way. I can't put my life on hold any more. I have to somehow learn to live this and I think that that in and of itself may be healing.
Mike--So sorry to hear you are not feeling well. I get what you are saying above. Here's something I've been considering:
Resignation is a word that probably sounds very negative to most Americans--we're such a go getter bunch (we did win the war). In japan there is a saying, shi katta ga nai (it means roughly, there's nothing we can do about it)--it expresses a kind of resignation.
When I lived there it really captured a spirit that was foreign to me-- the sense of resignation. I didn't get it.
At this moment, I notice that a kind of resignation is really not depression, and its more relaxing than fighting (banging head against wall). I am thinking about resignation in a way that is not negative like its usually viewed -- not defeatist. there's a serenity to it--it sounds like giving up, but it's not. As a go getter American, it doesn't really seem like an ideal state, but it's kind of neutral, and I kind of like it.
Just a thought . . .