Scary thoughts

[Elizabeth]

You're going to pull through this, Elizabeth. You know what is going on, you are very motivated. The time will come when you will be looking at the present day like a bad dream of the *past*.



I get your point. This will help you ---> post 23 in this thread. http://antidepressantwithdrawal.info...light=facebook



Have you tried "going advanced" button when posting? This should work.

Ah, the advanced button worked. Thanks Luc.

OMG, I can't believe what you wrote about Facebook! I LOVE IT. It is so true. Thank you for sharing that. Guess what? I ditched it tonight. It's not at all helpful to me and the people who truly know me can call me. I will be better off without it.

I am a huge mess tonight. Not the happiest of New Years but.........so what. <shrugs>I know I am going to be ok!!! My poor family is the one who is brainwashed about these awful meds. At least I have one ally and I hope that she doesn't betray me. She knows I am getting better but it didnt' help when another family member set me off just before midnight. I just feel like..... right now. Yes, having fun with the smilies. Oh the things that amuse me tonight. Tomorrow is a new day. Right....tomorrow is here.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE.

[Luc]

She knows I am getting better but it didnt' help when another family member set me off just before midnight.

This is *the* most important thing there is. And, at some point, you won't have to pretend any more.

[Sheila]

You seem clear about the differences between where you were last year and where you are now. And good for you for finding a good anonymous phone crisis line.

Your anger is an important part of your healing. Acknowledging it to yourself and expressing it where safe will help keep you from feeling self-destructive.

And it’s great that you are thinking about how competent you have been at your work, and getting in touch with how educated and capable you are. Try to keep re-focusing on your power and passion and what you want. You can make it happen.

Congratulations on stepping away from FB! [Luc, you saved another one.… ;) ]

You’re processing a lot and going through a lot of changes in your worldview. That’s a bit unnerving at the best of times. And, of course, all the chemical chaos makes it more rocky. You will feel more stable and secure in who you are. That’s something that will definitely come to you.

[Elizabeth]

I am really struggling today. People have been so kind in responding to my posts here in various places. I will reply when I can. Sorry for the delay.

I am feeling so down and physically drained. I try to look at how much I have gained from doing this but it's so hard not to look back and see what this has done to my relationships with family and friends. I became so withdrawn when on the meds that I really don't have alot of friends. I think the loneliness is what is the worst part of this. Most of my family doesn't bother with me and some have written me off as the "sick one" (one brother doesn't want me around his kids b/c the perfect persona has to be in place at all times and the other has told me that he has already written me off for dead and his kids have been told I am "sad" all the time. Imagine being treated like the brainless wonder by these kids?) but I have to remind myself that one family member is being supportive and that is huge. Since tapering the meds I have noticed that I am terrified of losing the ones I love and being left alone in this world. Not having work is also a problem. I have the "what ifs song" playing in my head. What if I can't support myself? What if? What if? It's horrible. My life is passing me by and I am afraid!! Does anyone understand?

Sheila, can I PM you?

[Luc]

I have the "what ifs song" playing in my head. What if I can't support myself? What if? What if? It's horrible. My life is passing me by and I am afraid!! Does anyone understand?

The "what if" phenomenon is also a part of WD, Elizabeth. Once you heal, the "what if" obssessive thinking will disappear.

Yes, there are two parallel roads; one for the "heathy ones" and the other for those in WD. And neither the "healthy ones", nor those in WD, will ever understand what it's like to walk on the road next to theirs... Two *totally* seperate worlds.

[Elizabeth]

The "what if" phenomenon is also a part of WD, Elizabeth. Once you heal, the "what if" obssessive thinking will disappear.

Yes, there are two parallel roads; one for the "heathy ones" and the other for those in WD. And neither the "healthy ones", nor those in WD, will ever understand what it's like to walk on the road next to theirs... Two *totally* seperate worlds.

Thanks Luc, it helps to have this validated. I also like that you give people some grace saying neither the healthy ones or the ones in WD can understand each other. You are right. It won't happen. Ever.

I have wondered if psychiatrists get kick backs when they prescribe the "latest" new wonder psych drug. It seems that my shrink has done this with me ever since I met her after maxing out the dose on each med. I feel so betrayed and STUPID for allowing it to happen. I was looking thru some medical files I have and found a huge list of stuff I have been on. I mentioned alot in my intro but one that I left out was Lithium. And I have not been "diagnosed" as bi-polar or even needing it.
My shrink never sent me for regular bloodwork to check cholesterol, blood sugar, sodium levels etc. It seems that she never did care about me or what my body was going thru. <deep breath> Unbelievable. My family support persons knows I won't go back to her. But the others in the family do not. I am not sure what I should do. All I know is that I do not want to lay eyes on that shrink again b/c I might tear a strip off her.

Another thing I haven't disclosed yet: I have PTSD from abuse. It wasn't just losing my job that caused me to be put on these meds. It was just the icing on the cake that caused my house of cards to fall when I lost my career. But, I am building a new identity......a healthier one. I am not too old to find something new although it sure does feel that way at times! I'm just trying to get thru this W/D madness. I have hope that I thought would never return and it has been further solidified after finding this place of friends who truly understand. Life is sure a juggling act isn't it? LOL, saw that emoticon and HAD to use it. Hugs to you all.

[Luc]

I have wondered if psychiatrists get kick backs when they prescribe the "latest" new wonder psych drug.

They surely do, Elizabeth. All sorts of them. Doctors are heavily influenced (psychologically and financially) by sales reps. I remember when my doctor would show me different bar charts, "proving" that the drugs I'm on are the most effective. She sincerely believed it herself. On a side note, as a human being, she was a good person, but indoctrinated by the system big time.

Here's a seminal interview very much connected with the topic in question. Really worth watching;

[Luc]

It wasn't just losing my job that caused me to be put on these meds. It was just the icing on the cake that caused my house of cards to fall when I lost my career.

It doesn't really matter in the long run, Elizabeth. 99.9% of things in life can get rebuilt, and eventually end up being even better than the *original*. It's just a matter of time to get your life back.

But, I am building a new identity......a healthier one.

100% true.

....

[Sheila]

Of course you can pm me, Elizabeth. It was sweet of you to check first.

The way I look at this medication odyssey is that it is cosmically meant to be in order to get me to become who I am really meant to be. Even though it has been painful not to be supported by my family, I have actually found it very liberating. I am becoming less codependent and more healthily entitled and true to myself. I figure that the relationships that can evolve with me will evolve, and those that can’t – I wish them well and I turn and face the billions of other people on the planet, and look for a handful of really good people for me.

You have supported yourself in the past, and you will support yourself again in the future, probably even better. A lot of people go through various awakenings and transformations in this process. If you were doing the right work for you, you can go back to it. But, you may develop new passions as you heal, and you might end up doing something even more true to who you are.

Right now, you just have to focus on healing, and maybe paying attention to anything that crosses your path that calls to you.

[Elizabeth]

I remember when my doctor would show me different bar charts, "proving" that the drugs I'm on are the most effective. She sincerely believed it herself. On a side note, as a human being, she was a good person, but indoctrinated by the system big time.

Here's a seminal interview very much connected with the topic in question. Really worth watching;

Holy cow Luc! Bar charts? That is just unreal. I see what you are saying about your doc being a human being/good person. I know I've made mine (well, she was fired today WHOOT!) sound like a real monster but she was the same....indoctrinated to the NTH degree. However, whenever I would disagree in the slightest or challenge her in a health way her demeanour would switch <snaps finger> in a heartbeat. It was a Jekyll and Hyde reaction. When I walked out of her office one day before the appt was done and very upset b/c she was trying to give me more meds, she called the police on me and I was formed. I can't forget that. Ok, so maybe she wasn't so nice. Oh well, she is out of my life now. I am paranoid right now. So afraid she will try and get at me somehow. Oh, it's getting dark outside! It's the sundowning Sheila was talking about. I'm feeling so sick right now but want to respond to people. My anxiety is 10/10 right now. Maybe I should take a break.

Thanks for sharing the video Luc. Gwen has guts for speaking out. I have alot of admiration for that lady.