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[bruno2006]

Oh it was transcranial (nexalin) and was very expensive. I also have a fisher wallace stimulator (cranial) which helps with stress but haven't noticed major benefits from it. I may end up going back on drugs soon and just live my life like that bc its been 1.5 years and my spirit is broke. I may also opt for seeing an alternative doctor although I am tired of the supplements.

[stan]

hi Bruno,

one year off meds is nothing for recovering, often you have to be patient 2, 3, 4 years

[Luc]

Healing takes time - going back on meds at that point runs a very high risk of a kindling reaction. It's like going back on the toxin that caused all this suffering in the first place. It may not feel like it yet, but your body has done lots of healing already, Bruno.

[Sheila]

I'm glad you weren't using anything that actually pierces your skull and brain. I don't know anything about the two stiumlation methods you mentioned. Did the nexalin show any benefit? If the fisher wallace does help with stress, can you use it more?

It doesn't make any sense to go back on a toxin, bruno. There are lots and lots of alternative approaches to explore. Remember that right now you are going through the holidays, and, like everyone else (including the well) you are more regressed and vulnerable than usual. That will ease up in a couple of weeks.

Let's just keep exploring what might help take the edge off for you. And, as long as you keep taking good care of yourself, you will automatically get better eventually.

[bruno2006]

thanks for the replies. I am still contemplating whether I should take the drugs again so i can get some relief, you know? I mean, I know some dont think 1.5 years is a lot, but I do. they say your hole body is completely replaced after a year, so shouldnt i be like new if i have been off the drugs?

well i have already done all the alternatives. there is nothing else for me to try.

[Sheila]

Although most of the body's cells replace themselves regularly, there is some kind of field effect that causes the same personality and illnesses to be perpetuated even with new cells.

You sound burned out and hopeless. Of course there are infinite new things to try! Let's break this down into bite-sized pieces. What would you most like help with right now? We will brainstorm what you could do about it besides taking poison pills. :)

[Iggy131313]

Dont do it Bruno, you could be close to the finish line now, has it been 18 months now? this time next year you could be a new man, and drug free too!

Hi by the way, Im glad to see you here, this is the BEST of all the forums, the most supportive and with NO DOUBT WHATSOEVER the nicest Mods!!

[Iggy131313]

also bruno, you say that its the depression thats causing you the most pain, has that changed, did you have anxiety and other symptoms before, because alot of people see the depression/anhedonia stage of w/d as perhaps being the last stage before healing takes place...thats not always the case of course as some people recover without going through that phase, but just out of interest.

[bruno2006]

hi Iggy, nice to see your message. My friend Anna from PP talks about you. We have been in touch the last year and have been off about the same amount of time.

Anyways, well I am afraid I dont have other options but to take meds to have some quality of life. I have spent thousands of dollars on various things and realize that my family and I are just screwed up and need to be on meds for life. My brothers are both drug addicts, my mother an alcoholic, and my dad, when he was alive, was a pot head. I personally believe they are the reason we came out screwed up. That, and all the processed foods and junk and chemicals we are fed. Maybe other reasons too.

We were left to fend for ourselves. No one has ever helped me with medical treatments. I pay for all the medical stuff and its been very stressful because I am now having to support my mother since my dad died. I dont understand why people have kids if they dont have things well planned out. I am very angry they had us. Moreover, my health has continued to decrease ever since i went off these drugs. I am now underweight, constipated, sore, etc. I get hurt easy and have been having some issues with my colon and digestion. I just cant do this. I need a way out and drugs are the only way. I gave it 1.5 years and always told myself this is just withdrawal but now i know it may not be and that this is just me.

btw, yes this is a great forum.

[bruno2006]

Although most of the body's cells replace themselves regularly, there is some kind of field effect that causes the same personality and illnesses to be perpetuated even with new cells.

You sound burned out and hopeless. Of course there are infinite new things to try! Let's break this down into bite-sized pieces. What would you most like help with right now? We will brainstorm what you could do about it besides taking poison pills. :)

thanks for your response.

interesting. I had just figured that since I am constantly replacing cells and we are a brand new person in a year (so they say) that I would already be well within a reasonable amount of time. Well, maybe not well, but at least functioning.

I cant say for sure what I want help with, I just guess I want to feel well. Thats all I can say. My health has declined significantly since stopping these drugs. My colon is screwed up, I am constipated, I got infections, developed severe muscle twitches and spasm within the last month, and so on. I continue to lose weight and had to but new clothes. I just feel like a mess and I keep trying new things to help me. I recently started the GAPS diet and eliminated grains, starches, and sugars. That seemed to help a bit but the low carb seems to have increased my depressive symptoms. That is one tough diet. i am trying to stick with it as much as possible because I do believe in the GUT-brain connection and with the constipation and stuff I came down with, think that perhaps my gut is screwed up from the years of the drugs. While on paxil, I developed rectal bleeding and colon pain. So it seems i not only have emotional healing to do, but physical healing as well. I am angry, defeated, and hopeless. I just dont understand how this could be withdrawal because its been a long time already.