Hi Everyone, I'm new too...

[Elizabeth]

That is great that you have a supportive family member who is willing to learn about this experience. I have been thinking about how hard it must be for people who have never gone through this, to comprehend. My rage at the official denial and stupid docs has been gradually shifting to empathy -- we're all only human after all. . .

Wow....as Sheila has said, I am humbled too. I hope I can have empathy one day. In reality, it's exhausting to be raging all the time. My shrink isn't suffering so why should I waste the brain cells? (pardon the pun) Maybe I should try and have empathy for my family who have no clue. The hurt has been tremendous. My uncle who lives far away doesn't judge me. I think he gets it. I just wish he was closer instead of the others. But, the one family member who is supportive makes up for so many things. I am grateful. I try not to lean on her too much tho. She is suffering thru all of this too. Thanks Annie for opening my eyes. People really don't get it unless they've been there. I am learning so much here. <thank you>

[Sheila]

Can you develop an email conversation with that supportive, distant uncle?

Re the psychiatrist, you're leaving her behind. Remember, the best revenge is living well (and forgetting the person)!

[Chris]

I'm not saying I don't still have a big bag of anger, but there is more peace in humility. well it's so complicated. For some (esp. for women?) when it's time to fight -- to break out-- peace comes later.

[Chris]

My rage at the official denial and stupid docs has been gradually shifting to empathy .

I realize I meant ignorant docs (they're actually not stupid at all)

[Elizabeth]

Can you develop an email conversation with that supportive, distant uncle?

Re the psychiatrist, you're leaving her behind. Remember, the best revenge is living well (and forgetting the person)!

I could develop a phone conversation with him for sure. I am going to see him in the summer for the first time in a few years.

Yes, as for the revenge for living well.....today I cancelled the appointment!!!! No reasons given to her secretary who has talked down to me for years. It feels scary and wonderful at the same time!! I wanted to say BUH BYE FREAK!, but I would not lose my self-respect for the world. It would only make me look bad and it would feel good for only a FEW SECONDS and then I would feel totally ashamed of myself. I haven't been brought up to disrespect others, in fact my upbringing has almost been to the other extreme....respect to the point of letting people use me as a doormat. Turn the other cheek. But, I am so black and blue I can hardly stand up at times. LOL I am learning to draw the boundary lines tho.

[Elizabeth]

I'm not saying I don't still have a big bag of anger, but there is more peace in humility. well it's so complicated. For some (esp. for women?) when it's time to fight -- to break out-- peace comes later.

I totally get what you are saying. Being in a rage like I have been is too exhausting. So, I am letting it go as much as I can. Yes, it's way complicated and fighting is not my thing. However, I have learned that fighting is necessary for my sanity. Does that make sense? Fighting in a non-violent way of course!

[Sheila]

Hey, congratulations, Elizabeth! A big step! You did great.

Re anger and compassion, I tend to think it’s a balancing act. It’s very important to feel whatever you’re feeling. And, yeah, Annie, women often have a lot of healing to do to even allow themselves to feel anger. But, then you have to keep moving. It’s not very good for your health to get stuck in any one feeling. And, it’s in *your* interests to understand why someone else has hurt you, to understand their experience. So, I go back and forth, feeling my anger when it comes up, and then moving on and also cultivating compassion for the numbskull.

[Elizabeth]

Hey, congratulations, Elizabeth! A big step! You did great.

Re anger and compassion, I tend to think it’s a balancing act. It’s very important to feel whatever you’re feeling. And, yeah, Annie, women often have a lot of healing to do to even allow themselves to feel anger. But, then you have to keep moving. It’s not very good for your health to get stuck in any one feeling. And, it’s in *your* interests to understand why someone else has hurt you, to understand their experience. So, I go back and forth, feeling my anger when it comes up, and then moving on and also cultivating compassion for the numbskull.

Thanks!

Oooh, I have been stuck many times.....I have had to forgive a certain person for harming me....not for him but for ME. Not easy and has taken me over 15 yrs to do it. But, very healing. I am LOLing at the word numbskull. Love it!

[Elizabeth]

SO HARD TO BE PATIENT WITH THIS WHOLE THING. I hate putting this poison into me!!!! Dang W/D from Trazodone. Now I have REALLY read about Cymbalta and I am so horrified by what it has been doing to me not only mentally but physically too. I need to breathe. I keep finding myself holding my breath. I have had anxiety before but it's BAAAD. REALLY BAAAAD in the last few days b/c I am doing things for the first time without Traz and KNOW if I can just get thru today and tomorrow, I have conquered a HUGE HURDLE in this whole journey thus far. OY.

[Luc]

It's a really hard road, but you will get there successfully. The most important is to take it day after day, hour after hour. One more day of suffering is, in fact, one day of suffering fewer.