Hello! I'm so happy to have found this forum. I'll try to make my story brief.
I'm 20. I was put on Celexa when I was 13 to help with anxiety/depression around an eating disorder. These drugs helped me for a while, then stopped. I then went to Prozac. The dose was escalated until it stopped working altogether. They put me on Zoloft with the same results.
When I was on these drugs I was pretty manic. I felt like a robot. I was agitated and generally "uppity" all the time. I behaved in a way totally uncharacteristic of my true self. Meanwhile, I continued my anorexia/bullimia and cutting. When Zoloft stopped working, I thought screw it, started smoking marijuana and stopped taking all medications. My eating disorder and self-mutilation symptoms improved drastically (I've had no behaviors and been at a healthy weight for almost 2 years now! ) but my depression did not. It got worse.
My senior year in high school I withdrew completely. I never spoke to anyone at school, other than 2 friends who did not attend school. I slept all the time, I could not bear to be out in public. Then I went on to university. I could not attend class. I stayed in bed all the time. I began to have horrendous, demonic panic attacks during which I feel so helpless I can do nothing but scream. I dropped out of uni and got an apartment with my fiance, and we now have a baby.
I do have good times, ("windows" I guess they're called?). I truly feel that I'm beginning to see the light again. But the waves are horrible. Feelings of worthlessness, obsessive negative, horrible thoughts. Sometimes I just sit on the floor and scream. I feel paralyzed with pain.
I'm desperate to get better, now that I have beautiful baby boy to look after. Of course, my doctor is pushing me to take Zoloft again. I've considered it, the pills are in my purse, but I've had an awful feeling about it. Then I found this site. :)