Hi, I'm new.

[SarahLou]

Hello! I'm so happy to have found this forum. I'll try to make my story brief.

I'm 20. I was put on Celexa when I was 13 to help with anxiety/depression around an eating disorder. These drugs helped me for a while, then stopped. I then went to Prozac. The dose was escalated until it stopped working altogether. They put me on Zoloft with the same results.

When I was on these drugs I was pretty manic. I felt like a robot. I was agitated and generally "uppity" all the time. I behaved in a way totally uncharacteristic of my true self. Meanwhile, I continued my anorexia/bullimia and cutting. When Zoloft stopped working, I thought screw it, started smoking marijuana and stopped taking all medications. My eating disorder and self-mutilation symptoms improved drastically (I've had no behaviors and been at a healthy weight for almost 2 years now! ) but my depression did not. It got worse.

My senior year in high school I withdrew completely. I never spoke to anyone at school, other than 2 friends who did not attend school. I slept all the time, I could not bear to be out in public. Then I went on to university. I could not attend class. I stayed in bed all the time. I began to have horrendous, demonic panic attacks during which I feel so helpless I can do nothing but scream. I dropped out of uni and got an apartment with my fiance, and we now have a baby.

I do have good times, ("windows" I guess they're called?). I truly feel that I'm beginning to see the light again. But the waves are horrible. Feelings of worthlessness, obsessive negative, horrible thoughts. Sometimes I just sit on the floor and scream. I feel paralyzed with pain.

I'm desperate to get better, now that I have beautiful baby boy to look after. Of course, my doctor is pushing me to take Zoloft again. I've considered it, the pills are in my purse, but I've had an awful feeling about it. Then I found this site. :)

[Luc]

Hello, Sarah! Welcome to IAWP. If I understand correctly, at some point you were on 3 ADs (Celexa, Prozac and Zoloft), and at very high doses? You cold turkeyed them all 2 years ago, yes? Has this depression gotten a bit better since then (in comparison)? And one more question - at what point did you start having these panic attacks exactly? At 6 months off of ADs, or more like a year off of them?

[SarahLou]

Hi Luc! Wow, reading my post again it sounds really dramatic. Sorry! Anyway, yes, it was those three. Depression got worse, but has been better for the past year in general. The panic attacks started I'd say close to a year after and still come and go. I'd never experienced them before. Do you (or anyone else) know panic attacks part of withdrawal after that long?

[Sheila]

Welcome, SarahLou! As Luc cleverly noticed, the panic attacks could, indeed, be withdrawal symptoms. You have been on three meds, raised to high doses. It's great that you have been off them for two years, but the fact is you could still go through waves of w/d symptoms for awhile.

I don't know if you want to answer this or not, but I'm wondering what's happening with the marijuana now. It looks like it may have protected you from some of the withdrawal effects and increased your appetite, which is great. But, it could be contributing to your depression.

I think it's very likely you are still experiencing w/d and you will continue to heal from that automatically. But, there were also reasons why you were suffering from anxiety, depression, and eating disorder when you were 13, and I'm wondering if you've gotten any other help with these things besides meds.

If I were you, I would never consider going on a psych med again, and I would start exploring every other alternative to help yourself -- psychotherapy, meditation, exercise, supplements, pursuing your true passions.

Congratulations on your son, and on healing this much already!

[Luc]

Hey, Sarah. Yes, it looks like your panic attacks are a part of WD - they may come even that late into WD - it's the way your body reacts to the stress you have been going through physically and emotionally after coming off of the drugs. But it will be improving - the windows will be better&better.

As for marijuana, I am with Sheila on the same page. It may have helped you with some of the symptoms, but it could have worsened the depression. Try limiting it a bit to see how your body would react to such change.

I'd avoid going back on drugs. Trying alternative approaches is the way to go.

[stan]

hello,

for me the meds haves worsen your panic attacks, depression; as you have taken many years, when you stop, the first year passes, the second seem more difficult, and the third it often is better; anxiety you had before meds, it is normal they are higher after one year free, you have to avoid marijuana, and try to live with your fears which will diminish with time, but you need to read books about fighting anxiety/depression, or make CBT with a therapist, or confront yourself to fears gradually

[Cosette123]

Hi SarahLou!
Welcome on IAWP!
I began to suffer from panic attacks in the 2nd year of my withdrawal and they have decreased with time.

[dave 23]

Welcome sarah!

[Chris]

Welcome to IAWP. I'm trying to quick Zoloft. Don't restart Zoloft. After Zoloft quit working for me, I had two close calls where "the pills were in my purse"--I had gotten RXs for different ADs that I never took. The first time, I went to acupuncture instead and that helped with depression. Now I am gradually tapering Zoloft because of an incident (its a long story) that had to do with getting a Generic zoloft that had a completely different composition, amount of active drug, mechanism or something, from the brand that I had been taking. Who knows why--I couldn't afford to get the generic tested, but long story short, the generic put me into full sudden w/d. Really scary. That time, I decided I would have to try to get off Zoloft gradually. So I'm headed down that road. The folks at IAWP are a huge support on this journey. Welcome!!

[Junior]

Welcome to IAWP :)