Old symptomes are coming back

[Cosette123]

I am now 40 months off Paxil (Cold turkey in may 2008).After having passed through hell like all of us, a few months ago I could believe that I had at least 90°/° recovered.My only long-lasting symptome was fibromyalgie .I had two sessions of acupuncture which were very helpful.Unhappily the third one did not bring me any more help.I have huge anxiety which has come back, pain in my whole body, lack of interest, very hard to stay alone without falling into deep sadness. My 22 years old son has started a new job this morning (He has stayed at home for several months) and it is probably the explanation of the symptomes resurgence.
I was a very active and independant person before my withdrawal and now I am living like a 100 years-old one (Or like a little child).I feel ashamed of myself, I have changed, I am no more the same person.
Nevertheless I try to remain positive and confident. I find a lot of support among you.

[Sheila]

Cosette – your analysis of the trigger for this resurgence seems very correct. Your son’s starting a new job and being out of the house is very likely the culprit.

We are so vulnerable and sensitive as we recover from this neurological damage. Any change of any kind is harder to get used to. But it does happen. I have observed myself slowly, slowly adjust to things that I would have adjusted to much faster before meds. If it would have taken minutes in the past, it takes hours now. If it would have taken hours in the past, it takes days now. But it does happen. In slow motion, I adjust and find my balance again.

This adjustment to any change is happening faster now for me than it did in early w/d. I remember a year or so ago you had a flare up when your son went on a trip. You may, indeed, find that you adjust faster this time. You are more healed than you were then. Just a few months ago, you were at the 90% level. That is how much you have healed – you’re just still not very stress-resistant yet.

I have some of the shame about being so fearful and dependent, also. It’s very hard to go backwards developmentally in adulthood. It *is* a temporary regression. And, I have seen many people emerge from this long recovery period much *more* mature, bold, and strong than they were before. That will happen for us, too.

The first few days of your new schedule will be the hardest, and then it will get much easier. Maybe try to be extra generous to yourself for the next few days. Do the things that are most pleasant or distracting. You will be automatically adjusting at the same time.

Write here as much as you want!

[stan]

hi Cosette,

i think as Sheila, we are more sensitive to news in our life, it seems as we have no experience from past, as you said: a young child; with years we will live more experiences and be stronger towards normal stress life; in manual Ashton (benzo) it is written that after withdrawal we have to learn daily habilities of normal stress; you said you are a new person, i think (after withdrawal) we are a new person who has all to learn in life,

[Cosette123]

Thank you so much, Sheila and Stan! It is important not to focus on the temporary regressions.
In summer 2010 I was literally scared when my son left my house for two weeks and finally I found enough strength in myself and I had big improvements.