This is so hard for me to post this. I'm in a very weakened state on all levels due to a series of misfortunes.

I wish I had the resilience to explain more but truthfully, I'm hanging on by a thread for months now but to top things off, I am facing another health scare that has and continues to frighten me.

I'm in extreme distress, trying to remain sane but I'm very afraid. I will be going for a medical procedure and the procedure itself is frightening in regard to how any medications may affect my very fragile CNS. I'm looking a a serious cancer risk. Biopsies and other analysis will be taking place. I have no idea how I'm going to psychologically survive the next month and a half. I also have no idea how I"m going to be able to walk into my doctor's office to get the results.

I live with fear/terror and regularly facing the reality of my mortality. Of course WD state brain and CNS heightens these emotions to further levels and the ruminations/obsessions etc. become unbearable. I spend 90 percent of my time trying to counteract and manage the unrelenting fears.

I have opted NOT to go under general anesthetic but the other two alternatives aren't without risk and TBH both are scarey. I will be meeting with the anesthesiologist this Thurs to discuss my situation and options. If anyone has any experience with regional anesthetic (spinal or epidural), while in psyche drug WD, I would sincerely appreciate any advice or experience you may be willing to share.

My ability to communicate and interact is seriously compromised but I very much miss not being able to interact with all of you. Please know that it pains me to isolate at a time when I very much need NOT to be alone. It's just that my CNS is still is too bad shape and computer makes things worse. Also, the trauma and F&F is very bad making it extremely difficult for me to speak about what I'm going through.

I truly need someone to be with me........a presence .........since being alone is torture although I feel I have nothing to contribute to others since, my mind is locked into raw survival mode. I hardly go on-line and can't even keep up with a few emails without feeling overwhelmed to the max since my CNS is still in bad shape. I really think I would be doing a bit better if it weren't for this recent health stressor/scare.

Anyway, if I may humbly request ..............PRAYERS, healing energy or anything that you are able to offer. I feel very, very scared. I just need to touch some good souls. I've tried to write in my thread and post so many times, but the WD induced fear and anxiety prevented me. I'd freeze with feelings of trauma and then felt overwhelmed by the light emiting from the monitor. I also can't concentrate well at all.


I better post this now. I continue to utilize Reiki and pray and send healing energy to you all. I really do wish nothing but the best for each of you! Take very good care of yourself and each other.


Sincerest of Healing Energy to Each One of You!


Samsara