Adverse reaction to SSRI and Alcohol

[m&m]

Yesterday was brutal (physically and mentally sick), Friday was my last taxtotere/carboplatin treatment but oddly I wasn't able to rejoice b/c what plagued my mind was if I would come through the adverse reaction symptoms. The feeling of eternal damnation loomed.

I thought suffering like this only took place in "hell".

Today I go in for more fluids and I also get a massage. Maybe that will help me through.

I don't even want to think about how work expects me back in a month.

Thank you for sending the healing energy and prayers.

[alex]

Hello m&m, I am sorry you are going through all this;I really do.
I believe suffering is the touchstone to spiritual and emotional growth.
When you come out of this ordeal, you will be a giant.
Let me tell you that you are my heroe, and for many others in this forum aswell.

Sending you all the healing and good vibes.

[Sheila]

Alex – That was very sweet! And you know I agree with you!


m&m – Isn’t is a unique hell to be both physically and mentally sick at the same time?! The fear that you won’t get to the end of the AD adverse reaction is totally neuro-emotion. You were getting better from that at a fast clip before, and you will now get back on that track.

[m&m]

Alex,you really are too kind. I am not sure of this hero you speak.

The interesting thing is, I feel that there has been (CNS) healing taking place even while going through the chemo therapy, etc. It's just that when the chemo hits my system it puts me in melt down mode... only thing I can imagine why is b/c my system has already been weakened by the adverse reaction and when the chemo poison is administered it just blows an already weakened system even further off the charts. Not even going to pretend to understand.

Sheila, ... "unique" could be one way to put it, lol.

[Sheila]

That’s intriguing that you sense there has been neuro-healing somewhere beneath the chaos caused by the chemo. I can believe it. I think we have an intuitive sense of what’s going on in our bodies sometimes. Even when there’s no concrete evidence…yet.

I know it has been so hard. You really are going to come out the other side.

[Sheila]

This is interesting – I haven’t listened to that “Voice of Truth” song for months, but, last night, I heard it in a dream!

I see you're in North Carolina. That is a *hotbed* of psi research. There are conferences there all the time. And I hear Asheville is really happenin'!

[m&m]

I love that song :-) Gives me so much hope. Periodically I have to look up the video on youtube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwsvqVmFV6Y

Must be a good sign that you heard it in a dream!

I didn't know NC was a PSI research hotbed, but I wouldn't doubt it :-)

[Sheila]

Hiya, m&m – I saw this interview and book by a woman (MD, Christian) who had an amazing near death experience and I thought you might find it interesting, and possibly comforting. You can read a lot of the book on Amazon Look Inside.


Mary C. Neal M.D.

To Heaven and Back: A Doctor's Extraordinary Account of Her Death, Heaven, Angels, and Life Again: A True Story

[m&m]

Thank you Sheila for the video.

[m&m]

Since I can't sleep very well, thought I'd give an update.

Not having the big chemo treatments anymore has made a difference in how I have been feeling I believe.

For now, what I notice most is that I have been very emotional (far cry from the constant chaos state the meds put me in). The severe headaches have went down a couple levels in severity and are more tolerable, and my mornings have been consistently better.

As far as cancer treatment goes I still take an infusion but it is now only once every 3 weeks, so the med I was taking every week has now moved to every three weeks, and the big chemo I took every 3 weeks has stopped, (my hair is even starting to grow back) yay. So, I spend less time sick now and I can now concentrate a little better on getting well from the adverse reaction. I still have 2 more surgeries to go but I have to wait 2 months for one of those and another 8 months for the other since I'm still using the port until February 2014 (port removal). I am starting another drug this morning that I will be on for the next five years so maybe that is why I can't sleep this morning, I know I have to take it and I really don't want to. I picked the prescription up from the pharmacy last week but have been procrastinating taking it for a couple days now for fear of how it will make me feel. But... I'm just going to do it b/c regardless of the road, I want to be here for my son as long as I can in hopes that I will get well again and be a great support for him again.

Oh, another thing to update.... that crazy agoraphobia is non-existent now. I even took my son and step son on a small four day get away vacation after my last big treatment, and it went well!!!! This is big people... very very big, for me "post" SSRI A/R. Now mind you, this wasn't the normal type of vacation I usually would take pre-A/R but all the same.... still a big deal all things considered.

Well, I guess that's about it, except for I have some new body pain, but I don't think it's related to A/R but more so the cancer treatment. Oh and some weight gain from steroids, which helped being frail (A/R made me throw up EVERY DAY for months). I continue to get acupuncture every week and acupressure massage every chance I get. It helps with the pain.

So, again I am seeing improvement. Thank you God for answering my prayers, this has been the most severe battle I've ever encountered in my life but slowly healing.