Needinghelp's journal

[Sheila]

I’m so sorry you are going through Hell. It really will get better. You mention TTGW, and she has improved vastly from her early days of w/d Hell.

The assault by early memories and the extreme regret and guilt are very, very common. It eases up and then ends all by itself. Indeed, it may be cold comfort, but everything you describe is very, very common, and it gets better for *everyone*. Even the people having protracted w/d are not in this kind of early w/d Hell any more.

You might want to look into amber sunglasses --

http://survivingantidepressants.org/...out-blue-light

You know, like Alex, you may be in the very worst post-taper period – 5-9 months. Many people are in the worst Hell around that time and then in starts to get better.

You’re life is going to be so, so different in the future. You just can’t even imagine it now. You’re too sick. But, this will all be over with.

[Sheila]

NH -- Have you read the "You are the vanguard" essay?

http://antidepressantwithdrawal.info/index.php

I got the thought that it might help you begin to make some meaning out of your suffering, and place yourself in a historic movement. You're not alone. You're part of something big going on. And you are going to heal beautifully.

[stan]

hello Needinghelp,

Tryingtogetwell was 13 (or 15 years on paxil) , you were 4 years, mathematically, you will suffer but heal faster, this is my opinion about all i experience and read since 5 years

[Cosette123]

Its been 8.5 Months for me and honestly I dont know what to say anymore. The suffering is so incredibly intense i dont even feel like talking about it anymore. If i think of all that ive been through this past year, i cant believe it. Its been a whole year since i started tapering the drug, so a whole year of suffering for me.

My immune system crashed so badly, my emotions are completely gone, i feel like i dont exist anymore and the worst of it all, I dont know who i am anymore.

I never believed that at this time, i would be worse than ever. I feel like ive had some sort of stroke, my eyes are so distorted, im extremely sensitive to light, i cant handle any stress or stimulation, i feel out of body and completely disconnected from reality. I am extremely terrified that this wont go away. The fear I have is something i cant even explain. My anxiety is off charts. I sleep 8 hours a night, but when i wake up it feels like i didnt sleep at all, i have no sense of time, life is just passing me by and i dont know whats happening around me. How can this be happening to me? I have such bad apathy, that i dont care if i die. I cry uncontrollably to anything. I get upset about everything and i hate waking up in the mornings. Im sometimes scared to go to sleep, because im scared i dont wake up, or scared i wake up paralysed. Memories from my past keep popping up, i can remember things from the age of 2 now, and all of them, good and bad, have a sense of fear attached to them when i remember them. I have bad woman problems i never had before, i have regret and guilt so bad, i hate myself and my life.

Then i see people complaining about anxiety, depression and a few small things. They have no idea. I would give anything to only have those symptoms. Anything.

I try my best to stay positive, but its hard. Its hard living like this. I have to live my life, but i cant. Im thinking of quiting my job. I dont have anything left to live for, so why even bother working? Everyone is promising me that things will get better, but when? And how? I feel like im so deep in this hole it will be impossible to get out of it. How can a person who only took paxil for 4 years suffer this much? Ok i might have had an adverse reaction or whatever on top of it, but i have Never seen anyone suffer like this. I think the only one i saw with similar symptoms was Tryingtogetwell.

God, if you can hear me, please, i am begging you, keep my family safe and healthy, and please, let there be an end to this suffering. Please let me see improvements and completely heal from this.

Dear Needinghelp,I have been a long time without posting here but I want to tell you how much I understand you because I passed through the same hell.I cried when I read your message and I feel sad to be so far from you.It would be easier to talk with you and try to find the right words.But I want to tell you again: don't lose hope, you will pass through, you will be stronger than the drug,you will have again a normal life!

[Iggy131313]

oh NH, Im so sorry, but im back in the same hell as you, I cant communicate with anyone, I cant speak to my son, I feel unreal, broken, and am being tortured non stop, it doesnt stop, I cant work, I cant play, I can relax, all I can do is suffer and cry and beg and pray.

Shea said she saw her first big improvement at 12 months

[Iggy131313]

cosette, if you havent posted for a while does that mean you are feeling a little better? do you continue to see improvements?

[Needinghelp]

Hi Sheila, yes, Trying did improve alot from this nightmare. I know you also went through most of what i described. Did you also improve vastly? Can you enjoy life again? I know i cant compare to anyone (I now know i cant, finally) but i just want some hope. Are you ok now?

I’m so sorry you are going through Hell. It really will get better. You mention TTGW, and she has improved vastly from her early days of w/d Hell.

The assault by early memories and the extreme regret and guilt are very, very common. It eases up and then ends all by itself. Indeed, it may be cold comfort, but everything you describe is very, very common, and it gets better for *everyone*. Even the people having protracted w/d are not in this kind of early w/d Hell any more.

You might want to look into amber sunglasses --

http://survivingantidepressants.org/...out-blue-light

You know, like Alex, you may be in the very worst post-taper period – 5-9 months. Many people are in the worst Hell around that time and then in starts to get better.

You’re life is going to be so, so different in the future. You just can’t even imagine it now. You’re too sick. But, this will all be over with.

[Needinghelp]

Thank you stan, yes, i only took Paxil for 4 years, so maybe i wont suffer for many years

hello Needinghelp,

Tryingtogetwell was 13 (or 15 years on paxil) , you were 4 years, mathematically, you will suffer but heal faster, this is my opinion about all i experience and read since 5 years

[Needinghelp]

Oh Cosette, thank you so much. It makes me feel a bit better to know that there are people who really know what im going through

Dear Needinghelp,I have been a long time without posting here but I want to tell you how much I understand you because I passed through the same hell.I cried when I read your message and I feel sad to be so far from you.It would be easier to talk with you and try to find the right words.But I want to tell you again: don't lose hope, you will pass through, you will be stronger than the drug,you will have again a normal life!

[Needinghelp]

Im so sorry things are so bad again for you. Your situation will improve quickly, im 100% sure of that. You wont suffer for years. Keep strong, i know how hard it is. No one but no one deserves to suffer like this!

oh NH, Im so sorry, but im back in the same hell as you, I cant communicate with anyone, I cant speak to my son, I feel unreal, broken, and am being tortured non stop, it doesnt stop, I cant work, I cant play, I can relax, all I can do is suffer and cry and beg and pray.

Shea said she saw her first big improvement at 12 months