Needinghelp's journal

[Sheila]

NH -- Yes, we've seen thousands of people recover. You will most likely recover quickly. In the worst case scenario that you take a long time, it will still get better and better an better during that whole time. Nobody, but nobody feels as bad as you're feeling for very long. You will start to have little windows, then the windows will get longer and more frequent.

Also, if you were to take a longish time to recover -- which I don' t think you will -- your relationship to the symptoms would change a lot. Right now, it's new and shocking, unfamiliar. With time, even the people who are feeling crappy discover that they are just feeling crappy. That's bad enough, but it's not the same fear that something drastic really is about to happen to your health. You learn that this is a *feeling*, not a fact. You learn coping strategies. You muddle through.

So, no matter what happens -- and I think you will start to recover very soon -- you will not feel this bad.

[Needinghelp]

UPDATE 4 MONTHS COMPLETELY OFF MEDS, 7 MONTHS SINCE COLD TURKEY

Im not doing good with me. I feel like im in some other outlash dimention, not here, some weird feeling i cant describe. I cant focus on anything, i cant watch tv, i cant follow conversations, i cant think or handle any stress at all, then i get a panic attack. If someone just raise there voice slightly i get so upset and cry for hours. I feel so restless and exhausted, my vision and thinking is distorted. I feel lost. I question everything in existance. My DR is so bad I dont know what reality feels like. Everything is sooooo fuzzy. I feel out of it completely, i just stare at everything. My recent life stressors made things so much worse and i am facing some more stressors the weekend. I dont know what to do. Everything is so overwhelming. I have this strange feeling i cant describe. I cant describe whats happening to me or what exactly im feeling or going through. Maybe this is the end of the road for me.

[Luc]

It feels terrible in WD, Needinghelp. At some point, everyone who has gone through this hell asks oneself the question; "Is it real me?!" The 100% correct answer is "it's *WD*, and it's only temporary. You are doing incredible job so far, taking it so bravely day after day. DR, however unnatural feeling it is, it won't hurt you in any way on a physical level. Don't be afraid of it. Also, the hyper-sensitivity to all the stimuli gets absolutely better.

[Needinghelp]

TOOK ALL THE ONES I HAVE FROM ANOTHER SITE

Achiness: dull aches and pains all over the body
Agitation: restless, feeling a need to move around, ‘antsy’ feeling
Anger/Rage: often unexplained, tantrums, loss of temper with no apparent cause
Apathy: lack of motivation, lack of interest in self or others, emotionally flat, socially withdrawn, flatness
Back pain: lower, mid, upper, coccyx
Balance problems/Dizziness: feeling unsteady on feet, room ‘spinning’ even when sitting or lying, feeling drunk
Benzo belly: distension, bloat, pot belly, abnormally large, looking ‘pregnant’
Blurred vision: everything appears blurred, problems reading and seeing generally
Body temperature: fluctuations
Brain fog: feeling as if observing through a cloud, reduced clarity
Concentration loss: inability to focus attention and/or acquire new information
Confusion: simple tasks are difficult, unable to decipher directions or follow simple instructions
Crying spells: feeling weepy at times without being able to identify a specific trigger, inability to stop crying
Depersonalisation: altered perception, dissociated feelings, detached from self, feeling like alien in own body, disconnected
Depressive mood: low, heavy mood, flat affect, unmotivated, feeling of hopelessness
Derealisation: altered perception, dissociated feelings, feeling of being distant, cut off, being in a dream-like state, surreal
Emotional blunting or anaesthesia: inability to feel emotions whether positive or negative, not connected to authentic feelings
Eyes: sore, dry, red, tired, blurred vision, double vision, floaters, glazed, glassy appearance
False sensations of moving (perception distortion): feel as if body is moving or chair or bed
Fatigue/Lethargy: extreme tiredness, listlessness, lacking in energy
Fear (organic)/Impending doom: fear surpassing natural anxiety/concerns re withdrawal, not identifiable with a thought or feeling, feels inauthentic but overwhelming, scared that something ‘terrible’ is about to happen, intense fear of dying
Glassy eyes: eyes look like those of a street drug addict’s, glazed and shiny
Headaches/Tight band around head: feeling as if an imaginary band around head is constantly being tightened, throbbing pain in head, migraine-like headaches, pain in temples
Hearing hypersensitivity/Hyperacusis: exaggerated sound, cutlery, crockery, environmental sounds ‘nerve-shatteringly loud’, people sound as if they are shouting
Heart: palpitations, irregular beats, thumping, beating loudly, feels as if jumping out of chest cavity
Inner trembling/Shaking/Vibrating (perception distortion):feeling of body trembling or vibrating ‘on the inside’
Intrusive memories: unwanted and persistent memory sometimes of traumatic events
Irritability: very low tolerance levels, easily irritated
Jumpiness: on edge, startled by sounds or people, extremely nervous
Libido loss: loss of interest in sexual intercourse
Light hypersensitivity: everything seems intensely and unbearably bright, feeling the need to wear sun glasses even inside, unable to look at computer screen
Memory impairment: short-term memory loss, ‘gaps in memory’ where unable to recall specific events, memory lapses (side effect of drug as well as symptom)
Mood swings: extreme and rapid changes in moods, one minute feeling optimistic then very low, feeling ‘bipolar’, feeling manic then depressed
Nausea: feeling of wanting to throw up all the time, feeling of being seasick
Obsessive thoughts: repetitive, unwanted thoughts
Perception Distortion: Speech is distorted, unable to follow a conversation, time delay or inability to reconcile words being uttered with movement of mouth
Tinnitus: constant or intermittent ringing in the ears, high-pitched noise in ears

[Needinghelp]

Yes its soo terrible Luc, when i see this list of things im going through it scares me to death. I hope everyone is right by saying it gets better. I dont want to kill myself... I hope 100% recovery is possible

[Luc]

Yes, you will heal from it. And you will be getting better. No doubt about it, Needinghelp. Our bodies are *designed* to get better by nature. Actually, "not getting" better with time is a non-existent anomaly.

[Junior]

Yes its soo terrible Luc, when i see this list of things im going through it scares me to death. I hope everyone is right by saying it gets better. I dont want to kill myself... I hope 100% recovery is possible

Of course it is. Look at it this way, if things are hell now then they can only get better. The only way is up.

[stan]

i had near all symptomes of the list, today many lessened, some do no more come, but i still have many, the difference is they are more manageable despite some severe; i will wait a little more, maybe i am not so far from the end of the tunnel

[Sheila]

NH – You are in early w/d, and, it’s both good news and bad news that you are having a very classic experience. The bad part of that is that it’s miserable. The good part is that you are right smack in the middle of the pack – typical – and for absolutely everybody, the agony of early w/d gets better. The list of symptoms gets whittled down – sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, but it always gets whittled down.

Also, there is often a worsening around 5-9 months post-last-dose. I had it and it was the worst part of my entire journey. But it always comes to an end. I don’t know if anyone has figured out what causes this yet. But it’s very common.

Having a lot of life stressors at this time makes it worse. Is there any way you can lessen these stressors? Can you postpone dealing with them? Or get more help dealing with them? Or triage them into “must deal with,” “ask someone else to deal with,” and “wait”? I’m a pretty active person about dealing with things, and I was very surprised to discover that one can get away with postponing quite a lot in life for quite a long time. I have used this discovery a lot in w/d. And, slowly, as I’ve gotten better, I’ve picked up again things that I had postponed and dealt with them.

It is absolutely going to get easier! And you are going to recover 110% -- you'll be smarter, wiser, stronger than before!

[m&m]

Wow NH, this really is quiet the list, but unfortunately as others say it is normal in this type of situation. It is not normal for you because you had never experienced it before, but given the fact that SSRI's really screw you up (excuse my language)... it is normal. You are not crazy and you will not stay with these symptoms forever.

You will get better. When ever you think you can't handle it any more just notice your breath and say "I will get better, this is not a wish it is a fact".

I feel your pain sweet girl, but I'm showing improvement more and more and you will to. Five months ago, I was ready to end the pain, I'm glad I didn't because I wouldn't be here thinking "wow, I'm feeling better", I am in a very tolerable state, but it took about 8-9 months to get where I am now ( a more consistent good place).

Are you still working at this point?