Hi NH -- You say you feel like you're not here and you feel out of body and you feel extremely anxious. These are all very, very common w/d effects. They are terribly unpleasant, but they are not dangerous. They will absolutely, positively get better all by themselves.
Also, the suicidal feeling is very natural. Of course, you can't imagine living this way forever. But, you will not have to. You will be getting better and better naturally.
You are not familiar with these feelings, and naturally they *seem* like they're a signal that something is wrong and you have to do something about it. But, they are just side effects of your body getting used to being without the drug. They don't mean anything.
1) Say all this to yourself in your head or out loud. All day long. Say reassuring things to yourself all day. Accompany yourself.
2) Try to let the feelings roll over you. You *are* still here and still in your body and still OK, even though it doesn't *feel* like it. Keep remembering that there is always a part of you that is still you and is present, even when you're going through alien, awful sensations. Just let the feelings roll by you.
