Dr David Healy

[Iggy131313]

Its my biggest fear Luc, Im so scared

[Sheila]

This syndrome is so unfair to everyone involved – the person in w/d and the caregivers. It’s sooo hard for everyone. But, people do really grow from this experience, and relationships can really deepen and mature because of it. Good things can come out of the process that might never have happened otherwise.

The invisible-ness of this syndrome is a real cross to bear. I have this happen with neighbors, where they say in a surprised tone, “You look good.” and I know they’re confused about why I say I’m sooo sick. You’re in a particularly thwarting bind, because you’re actively trying to protect your young child from the worst of it, but then *you* don’t get seen by the adults around you.

The anguish about envying the normals really does calm down a lot. It helps to think of how you will benefit from this descent experience in ways they will not.

You say you’re tapering every 6 months. You mean every 6 weeks, right?

I have seen several people who had gruesome tapers and then had astonishingly easy post-tapers.

I don’t know citalopram. If its dosing is similar to Paxil, then I would go down by 0.2 – 0.25 mg every 6 weeks until 0.

Do you wear corrective lenses?

[Iggy131313]

no, I have been dropping every 3/4 weeks, I wondered if I should HOLD for 6 months where I am? Or should I just keep going? and yes I am going in 0.2 so from here it will be

0.8
0.6
0.4
0.2

and I may even go down to 0.10 before I step off

oh Sheila, Im having a real depression wave, I cant stop crying and greiving for my life.

[Sheila]

It's chemical. Think of it as being like the mood swings right after giving birth. It's time for Tudors *right now*. Distract and sleep. You can't process anything right now. And now's not the time to figure out your taper.

[Iggy131313]

ok, and I see what you mean about the 6 month thing, I was saying should I wait 6 months from each previous cut I have madde as thats when the worst can hit? so as my last big drop was 3 months ago should I wait another 3 mnths for it to catch up...but your right, Im driving myself more crazy with all of this....major drama here today between my mum, husband, mother in law oh God, its all chaos, I will wrote more about that if I ever have the energy.,

[stan]

but you didnt have an adverse reaction to the citalopram? But it didnt help with your paxil withdrawal symptoms?

adverse reaction i think not, the switching did not help and i think it has prolonged my agony

what i am sure is: first 6 years were ok, next 6 years i was in poop out and slowly more suffering each year;
and when i began taper, i was in hell(never stabalize, every 7 days i took less citalo with syringue) and after off (11 months) in hell also

about your case, here is my position:
you have a job to do, tapering the best method and then wait with good eating, exercize,
and what has to happen will happen
in PP there is a good example of Akaenew, a woman friend of our Cindy, she is a good example, she said i took a ticket and wait my time

[Luc]

"I took a ticket and wait my time" - nice one.

[Sheila]

You are absolutely going to have a great life, Iggalita. This ordeal is going to teach you so much about who you really are and what you really want, and you're going to heal, then you're going to soar. You're so smart and so energetic in pursuit of knowledge. Never fear.

[Iggy131313]

Februry update - 1 year since CT, 7.5 months since adverse reaction and currently on 0.88mg

Yesterday I went from 1.04 to 0.88 after 3.5 weeks (just for my records)

so a monthly update...its strange because I do the updates at the end of the month and thats when Im feeling a little better, it seems the first half of the month is very very bad (probably due to hormoinal cycles, pms and then period) and the second half of the month is better.

yesterday I did sonmething big, bog for me anyway, I got on bus ON MY OWN and went to the mall ON MY OWN, I have not done that in 8 months now and its a bog step, I wouldnt go as far as saying that I felt normal, but I was ok, I didnt panic, and I was really proud of myself.

so symptoms

Anxiety

anxiety is a little better, I still have it more or less constantly, but its not that soul twisting, hand wringing hell anxiety, its more of a background noise, it spikes at certain points and I definitly have more a few hours after taking my dose (which I take at 3pm) I shake in the mornings and I cant handle much stress but I do recognise that its better than even 2 or 3 months ago, and 2 or 3 months ago was better than the months before that etc, of course it goes up and down, last week I was on the edge of a panic attack in the fish shop, and I go there most days, there was no reason, but on the whole the anxiety is improving, very slowly, but improving.

Depression and anhedonia

right now I have NO depression, apart from being understandably upset about the situation im in, it seems to be that the depression in very centred around my hormonal cycle, the amazing thing is that when the depression lifts, the anhedonia goes with it, over the past few weeks I have felt love, pride, pleasure, empathy and even looked forward to things.

I am enjoying watching breaking bad, I am enjoying making my monkeys and planning what else I can do with them, ie - ideas for hats etc, having ideas may seem small fry, but just the fact that I am having creative ideas is very good I think.

Suicidal Ideations

I am still having thoughts of suicide a few times per day, but I havent done any planning, and they seem less REAL as they were earlier in the month, I often wish I was dead but recently I can recognise that as not being how I acctually feel, sometimes it gets me and I perceive it as my own desires/intentions and there is no doubt that death is preferable to suffering, but so far, a little improvement there too.

Sleep


Since having my mum to stay (shes gone now) my sleep changed, I now go to bed at around midnight and am usually able to get to sleep and I sleep until about 9.30-10.30...so Im still getting alot of sleep but at different times, I have no complaints about my sleep, sometimes I cannot get to sleep, and sometimes I wake a few times in the night, but Im not complaining.

Symptoms gone (for now)

no DP/DR - I think I had maybe 1 day of it this month

akathisia/inner restlessness - I havent had the intense agitation and inner restlessness for maybe 6 weeks, I have had the odd blast of it, but in Nov/Dec it was constant and quite strong.

Brain Zaps/Reality shudders - none this month

Feeling of going insane - none this month

inability to concentrate - I have started to watch TV again this month which I found very very difficult before. Im hoping thats a good sign

deafness and tinnitus - none this month

New symptoms

a couple of new symptoms have popped up in this month, physical in nature so not too scary but notable

Bone pain in the right knee, I cant really describe it (which makes me KNOW its w/d) but it feels like its in the bone or knee cap

Bone pain in...wait for it...THE LEFT FOOT....this feels like I have broken one of the small bones at the top of the foot and it is healing or moving around, quite a sharp intense pain.

chin twitching!! My eyes continue to twitch alot but Ive never had it in my chin before, but for the past few days I have had a wobbly twitchy chin.

So thats it, my Feb update, I guess its quite positive really, although in a few days when I entre PMS Im sure I will go downhill fast but there we have it!!

[Luc]

Thanks for the update, Iggy. There's definite improvement happening. And this will continue. Looks like you are past the worst. Congrats on your being under 1 mg. You are on the right track. The complete healing is only a matter of time.