Dr David Healy

[PAROX2010]

:Iggy, enjoy the window, and do not hurry to reduce citalopram.
Seize this window to replenish your energy (= strength). Be patient, wait before decreasing
(just a suggestion)

A hug

[Luc]

It will be keeping better and better. There's no doubt about it.

[Iggy131313]

haha!! sheila, can you imagine the reports....amazing nursing home where residents end up GOING BACK HOME!!!! No longer in need of care, (although they would want to stay to have the nightly singalongs with me of course)- I have a great memory, I used to often play guitar at the nursing home I worked in in Manchester, all the old war songs, but also now Beatles stuff, I havea room full of 70/80 year olds, about 40 residents singing ''when Im 64'' by the beatles, they were LOVING IT and so was I, such a great memory, someones daughter had come in and the resident insisted we do it again to show her, such fun I would have with my ladies and gents!!

Time for your omega 3 guys, as the biggest trcuk load comes rolling in, tea tonihgt? SALMON AGAIN!!! WITH FLAX!

No, not feeling so musical right now, in march when I felt better I had a little mess, and also on christmas day night eve though I was ill my in laws asked me to play, they wanted me to sing Joni Mitchell ''a case of you'' as this was my party piece, I tried but it was too emotional for me, maybe one day. and now the whole concept of ''I could drink a case of you and I would still be on my feet'' well - right now I couldnt drink a case of plain water and not have an adverse reaction, so thats out lol.

lovely synchro though, I wonder if it was happening at the same time!!!

Parox and Luc, thanks so much for the encouragement and courage you try to give me...tomorrow I am hoping to do as well as I have today, I mean I had bad symptoms, but was able to push through and somewhat function, tomorrow I am going to buy an angry birds rug I have seen in the local shop for only £4 for Freddie and go round to my sister in laws for a cup of erm water (geeeeeeez) when I have picked up Fred from school.

Good for me to try to have things to look forward to, even if they are very minor things, I have started watching big brother, ugh, but only becasue its on every night so I can rely on it, sounds stupid eh? but I can think, Ill watch big brother later, I dont know, just helps me to have a plan in place....so tomorrow its eviction night, I may get something nice for tea (have once again stopped the histamine diet, its TOO hard - but am still avoiding the things highest in histamine, aged cheese, fermented foods and pickles).

I love you guys

[Iggy131313]

sooooo woke up feeling somehow different today, in a good way, still scared but not as severe as usual. mustered all my courage and started getting excited about feeling better, cleaned the living room, watched some TV, then as I have said on my its a miracle thread Hubby wants us all to have a daytrip to the seaside tomoroow, this scared me as the last time I tried to get up and go somewhere was Freddies school assembly, and it was so traumatic I havent even been able to talk about it on here, it was awful. so that scares me.

anyway I tried to think positive about it, and decided to go to the shops and buy a bucket and spade, football, drinks for my bag for Freddie etc, in preperation for the trip.....so get this.......I put on a facefull of makeup, a summer dress, took my hair out of the plait and let it hang loose in a ponytail, and wiggled my way down to the local shops, I could have skipped I felt lighter than air!!!

Still felt a little dizzy and spacy, I mean something wasnt right but it was a hell of alot better than usual, so I did all the shopping and came home....then I picked up Fred from school, the sun is blazing so I asked him if he wanted to go out, we went to the park where I chatted once again with some other mums from school, felt normal among the normals, after an hour or so took Freddie to the cafe for an ice cream becasue I had his school report today and he has top marks in everything (he is 4 so thats no big deal but I was so proud of him, the teachers say he is a very kind, gentle and considerate boy, I know he is, he takes good care of me, so often when I am feeling so bad he will come and gently stroke my face and say 'dont worry mummy Im here'' that breaks my heart)

anyway so we had icecream, well, he did, I had a decaf and we went home

Made tea, feeling ok, ate tea, still feeling ok, not one bit of akathisia, none, de nada.

After tea I got a sharp pain in my head and then massive nausea, horrible, it lasted maybe 2 hours and gradually dropped off, its basically gone now.

So today I would score as follows (with 10 being HELL and 1 being fine)

Anxiety - 2
Akathisia - 1
Dizzy/vertigo/im on acid feeling - 4
sickness - 5
general withdrawal feeling - 7

so not too bad at all, I cant belive I have had so many days without major akathisia, I know I had it for an hour 3 days ago, but at least it was only an hour and not hours and hours and every single day, I know it will probably come back but its a welcome break from my worst ever symptom.

so a good day today on the whole, Im really scared about tomorrow, but what do I do? if I sit at home knowing Freddie and Hubby are at the beach having fun and Im stuck at home, too ill to go I will feel like shit, but is my cns able to cope with an early bust start? I dont know...

Hubby wanted to get the 9.30am train, but I have said I cannot do that so we are going on the 10.30 train, wish me luck guys, I REALLY want to go, I know I dont have anhedonia becasue I REALLY REALLY want to go and have fun, and I was so proud of Freddie today, also I was struck today by watching him play in the park with his friends and saw life through his eyes and what it feels like to be a child, I thought to myself that THAT emotion is a very complex one, to see life and feel through anothers perspective, so my emotions are in tact.

I have also had several waves of happiness today, just a feeling of happy excitement about life, like I used to have, it felt wonderful, each time was fleeting, maybe a few minutes long, but thats better than no minutes.

until tomorrow then, I need all the positive energy you can muster for me.

[mona]

Sending positive vibes here!

[Sheila]

Great story about the singalong. I love old standards. “There’ll be bluebirds over….” You’ll get back to that when the time is right.

Great thought that we might have been talking to these two people at the same time about Omigoda-3!

I’m so glad you had such a great day. I know how hard it is to have hope and fear in w/d, and anticipating any activity is usually very nerve-wracking. I’ll be thinking of you and sending protective, grounding energy!

[Iggy131313]

worst night ever, not gone, hubby and Freddie gone wiithout me, Im despondant, all my symptjms are strong. its all back and Im so upset

[stan]

i lived this very strong during months and months, it is not tragic, Iggy, it is the wave pattern,
the good thing for you is you have short waves, so you are much more closer from wellbeing than i long termer, my waves last and last, with so many pains,

[Iggy131313]

Im so so upset and disapointed, I could NOT sleep last night, I had that DISGUSTING feeling again, I tried to analise it and find out what it was, the only wods I can use is its like pure horror running through my veins, way beyond the realms of anxiety, and different to my supercharged anxiety, it really is disgusting, I was awake until at least 3am, and then slept fittfully full of nightmares, I couldnt go today, Mu hubby was angry with me and thinks Im not trying but he would have been more mad if I had ruined the day which I would have.

I know that it was probably partly because I knew I had to get up and have a day out, that would have made things worse, but it wasnt that I was obsessing about, it was something else, I was scring myself to death over a thread I have read on another forum and am terrified of getting a certain condition, the more I thought about it, the more I started to get all the symptoms of the condition, Im sure its psychosomatic, but what if its not? This condition is a permemnant one with no known cure and is caused by SSRI discontinuation, I was rolling about swaeting, having panic attacks alongside the discusting feeling, sitting up, deep breathing, getting up, walking around, going back to bed, trying to sooth myself and failing, really really bad and Im so upset that things have gotten so so severe again.

why would things get so severe after a decent day?

so here I am crestfallen and hopeless again. I know people say 2 steps forward and 1 step back, but for me its more like 1 step forward and then 3 steps back, i feel so doomed.

[stan]

so here I am crestfallen and hopeless again. I know people say 2 steps forward and 1 step back, but for me its more like 1 step forward and then 3 steps back, i feel so doomed.

in W/D people say always 1 step forward and then 3 steps back, this cycle has an end, never definitive, for me you are good healing because your waves(even bad) are very short in duration; it is a very good sign, mines were long, weeks and weeks