Dr David Healy

[Luc]

You'll be healing, you'll be improving, Iggy. Some time from now the symptoms will not be as severe as they are at the present moment. That is for sure. The symptoms are terrible, but your body is designed by nature to get back to the state of homeostasis.

The very painful situations that have happened in your life this last week or so may have jolted your system and cause the worsening, too.

Also, remember that you were already able to experience some relief, so the relief will be back. Think in terms of your being able to experience the improvement of symptoms (the window) at any moment in time. Sometimes you may have to wait for it longer, sometimes it can come quite unexpectedly - you felt better in the previous 48 hours for instance.

[Iggy131313]

but no one here has corrected my thinking about the stopping the drug and strting againm, so Im right, everytime I stopped the drug for a week counts as a CT stop, if thats the case then there is no point in me being alive and no point in me trying

[Iggy131313]

oh and Im going to ask my mum about coming earlieer...I cant go to her, she lives in spain and im certainly not up to flying anywhere, bedieses, I cant leave my son, if I leave my son I will kill myself...and its not even about self loathing its about knowing that because I did what I did I have lost he ability to heal and no one is tellling me any differnent

[Junior]

but no one here has corrected my thinking about the stopping the drug and strting againm, so Im right, everytime I stopped the drug for a week counts as a CT stop, if thats the case then there is no point in me being alive and no point in me trying

So now you are going to punish yourself for it? And us?

[Iggy131313]

I just want to know if that thinking is correct, does each time I missed a week or maybe more and then started again count as a CT and RI?

Im not punishing anyone here for it, why would I? and there isnt any point in punishingmyself either, thisright isnt a matter of punishing anyone, just hope....if Im right, then I dont even hav ehope

[Iggy131313]

I have also had a chest infection for a week now, Im coughing up horrid stuff and its making my breathing hard and my heart rate SPEED and HARD, sometimes even walking from one room to another hurts....I had a lovely message from someone saying they had messed around with their drug like I did and they still recovered, that has calmed me a little bit on that front...im sorry everyone, this is so hard and the fear is so overpowering....but Im still interested to whether you think tht each time I missed a week was a CT...

Its the main thing I worry about and I never really mention it becasue of how much it scares me and talkign about it, facing the fact that I did it, fills me with pure dread...

yesterday was awful again, this morning I woke up crying and shaking and with horrible strong anxiety, my breathing was ;laboured, my heart was racing and pounding, I had to lay down again for half an hour and try to master my breathing...its now 12.30 and I feel a little calmer and my heart and breathing has calmed too...but god knows how today will pan out...maybe this chest infection isnt helping, I feel like its affecting my vagus nerve, I could be wwrong.

[Junior]

Iggy, whatever you did in the past can't be changed. There's no point in dwelling on it. What you need to focus on is now, this minute, then the next one, then the next 5 minutes... and so on. Before you know it another hour will have passed, then two....

Actually that reminds of me a Monty Python Sketch. I'll see if I can find it ...

[Junior]

http://arago4.tnw.utwente.nl/stonede...te-passed.html

There's no utube clip I'm afraid because it was made too long ago.

[Iggy131313]

yes I know I cant change what I have done in the past, but I could chnage my horror and fear about it if there was a chnace that when I messed around like I did that it wasnt repeated CTs then I would feel alot better

[Junior]

Your horror and fear isn't going to help you get better. As you know, it is mostly time that will do that. And don't forget that anything you feel right now is largely the 'neuro-emotion' and not the real you. Hang in there. You are going to make it. Try to think of a time when this is just a distant memory.