Thanks a lot guys.

Sheila you say you continue to exist and be yourself. But i dont know who that is. I had mental problems all my life since a kid and i am scared of myself. I wish i had normal years and faith in myself so i had a beacon to return to, like you guys. But i just remember fear and failure all my life. And off course wd is tainting my memory but still the statistics speak for itself. I always had much trouble with myself and life.

It is hard. I have so many problems that i dont know how to escape this. I wish i just had taken paxil cause of IBS and i knew this was WD. Off course some of it is. But my insane fear of death, being alone, losing control, agoraphobia, fear to speak to people;..its all there. I was a shaking leaf before paxil and i am again. All though to my memory it wasnt this bad before paxil. But still it was bad.

Another problem is that i been diagnosed with chronic hyperventilating a year ago. Apparently i do that for years now. Not acute hyperventilating nut 12-19 breaths per minute all day every day. Cause of a wrong "setting" in the breathing center of my brain. Anyways with paxil sedating it the effects where annoying but manageable. Now in WD i think it also contributes to the fact that my CNS is messed up. I have trouble holding a pen or something,..shaking and burning. I type this with 2 crooked fingers. I can work on this CHV but best way is to take an AD so your cns takes a break. Then do lots of breathing exercises and body exercises. And then taper the AD. Thats how they do it in the breathing clinic here. But off course i can not take an AD that easily.
But this breathing problem is not helping me and doing some simple exercises is not going to help it. It needs to be a 2 hr per day routine.

Sheila, in july 2011 all my old symptoms came back. Like i wasnt taking the paxil anymore. But it wasnt the hell like this. i was just housebound again. But it didnt work at all anymore. But you speak of WD. Shouldnt i have zaps/dp/burning nerves etc etc if it was WD? Is there a difference between WD and a drug just not working no more?
Thats the annoying part. These ssris work maximum of 20 years. And then what? Still i see a lot of people in real life and forums change from one ssri to another without problems their whole lives. They are the majority. How in godsname do they do that?
But even if i get back on paxil and it works; it will buy me 5 years or so. So in those 5 years i will have to work hard on my real issues and then taper very slowly.

I hope it gets better. I dont know how you guys manage to live like this. I am shaking from fear and my body isnt working well and my mind is scattered. LAst week i cant do much more then just lay down and be afraid.

I will try that water tip Sheila, thanks a lot.

One last question: did any of you try to reinstate at some point?