Experience, 16 years of anti depressants all starting with anxiety attacks, and I too found relief.
I am now 46 and on disability, I was forced to got to drug and alcohol treatment and quitting did not subside depression. Life was less chaotic and dangerous
though.
As an adolescent, I had made no friends. As a kid I had no friends. My father suicided when I was 10 and I was just a very sad child, sad and afraid. I always remember being so afraid. Prior to age ten I was happy go lucky, took risks. Childish risks but risks all the same. years ago I worked and maintained a pretty average life albeit I self medicated with alcohol, presumably for the anxiety. As alcohol permitted me to be someone I couldn't otherwise be.
I remember when I started I took paxil, 20mg, I think and for over a month I sat in the corner of my apartment (on medical leave) in a drug induced awake coma. Then one day I started to move again, and according to my girlfriend was like a new person. I kind of spoke with people I wouldn't normally have spoken to
etc.
I don't remember a lot, I did continue to drink and after getting the prescription had no real support from the P doc. I had no idea what to expect, I had
serious difficulties with boundaries and being able to communicate. Raised in a dysfunctional family, and also suffered a traumatic brain injury at age 16. In the back of my mind have always wondered if accident was source of my problems. My childhood was by any estimate traumatic..
Shortly after getting the prescription, I moved to another province. With my girlfriend, in short it was a stressful journey, one that resulted in taking 3 months
of paxil downed with about 15 beers. I was taken by ambulance to emergency, they treated me like a worthless piece of shit, a piece of shit that should not
drink and that should take responsibility for my actions. They sent me off in the morning, humiliated, lost, and embarrassed. Also with no paxil, I ate them all.
No one told me what to expect, not taking paxil, I had absolutely no idea what would happen. Why would I? So I returned to the same life I was living,
suffering with my inability to communicate, set boundaries. Meanwhile experiencing some physical and mental hell? What was happening to me? Dizzy, crying
for no
reason? Naturally I went to a gp, new town, new dr. This dr thought vitamin b deficiency? Or.... we should look into a brain tumour. Great new city, no job,
cheating lying girlfriend and a brain tumour?! WTF
Three doctors later. Its withdrawal, from paxil. Now I know. So I go back on it. It made me fat, so I told the dr, she says try prozac, people lose weight on
that. Or try effexor, and you can try this new med that helps you lose weight. I declined it was later linked to heart attacks and death. Lucky me.
This went on for years. I moved around my depression got worse, in fact I dont even know if I was depressed, but I sure as shit am now. So I keep telling them I am depressed and they keep giving me more pills, and after a few years, I'm the expert not them. I just ask for different ones, higher doses, anything that will stop this depression. Writing this I don't seriously know if I am depressed. I know all the symptoms, but I don't know where they come from. I know that if you have previously never taken meds and have all the symptoms then you are likely depressed. You should likely take some AD's!
See I am all over the place, all I know is that I need to know. When I do ? I'll go from there.
June 1st after not such a long taper I no longer take prescribed doses of Effexor 225mg, bupropion 450mg, baclofen 20mg, gabapentin 600mg, and quetiapine as much as i like? I never take the quetiapine anyway, occasionally for sleep but the cost is a hangover for two days
I went through dizzy, now I am confused, body aches, insomnia, but oddly not depression. Possibly anxiety but I'm not sure any more. I have had bouts of
crying for little or no reason also.
Glad to have come across this site I need to know if this is all normal.
Originally Posted by stan
