my history

[grandmaD]

Week 2 @ 6.6mg

The Good
I have fresh air to breathe, food and water and a warm bed to rest in.

The Bad
Increase in backache, hip pain, very bad leg pain, generally achey all over and return of back spasms (2) on the one day.
Restless legs, restless everything!
Trouble sleeping. 2 nights insomnia; 2 hrs to get to sleep; waking every 2-3 hrs.
Feeling slow, weak, heavy, lethargic and very tired.
Pressure heads most days increased from moderate to high levels
Increase in Batcave days (probably as a result of the pressure heads)
Vibrations increased from mod. To high
Breathlessness increased in the number of days but stayed at mild to mod.
Slight increase in dizziness.
Sick stomach followed by naseau then diarrhea for 2 days and back to sick stomach and next morning before I got up, heartburn.
Irritablility and anger

The Ugly
Big increase in head vibrations also increased from mild to high most days
2-3 days of high head vibrations and one day so weird/bad and extreme thought I’d pass out similar to past experiences. This time, however, I had not taken tablet different time. Didn’t cope well. That night a headache came on with following day I had a tension headache. So 4 really bad days in a row.

Overall
A crap week, worse than week 1. This is not unusual (I had to remind myself!) as week 2 is usually worse. Days and weeks like this I hate the process, begin to feel angry at being trapped. I want to just quit and not take this rubbish but know I have to or I’ll be a cot case. I want to get off it faster and know I can’t do that either and so I then feel despondent, sad and teary.

Painkillers
2 codeine (I have not been taking painkillers for the pressure heads as they don’t seem to work. After 2 days of high pressure heads all day, I resorted to painkillers on this occasion.)

[Luc]

Thanks for your update, GrandmaD. I like your "The Good" point. :) You're very brave - stay this course. Step by step you will get there. As for the painkillers, you do the right thing, trying to take them only when you have to. Please, keep us regularly updated!

[stan]

hi Grandmad,

at 6 mg i was as you;
i had severe hip joints pains recently and they are gone away as if i had nothing, back pain is here since withdrawal with up and down;
i had short breathlessness since a while but apparently it is gone away;
i had all you describe, but headache no, it is the only thing i had not;

[Sheila]

You're doing an incredible job, gD. Just incredible. I can really relate to your feeling of being trapped and desperate. But, going slowly and super-consciously as you are really seems to be the best way of having *some* control and self-determination in this situation.

In fact, given that it is so bad the second week after a drop, this might be a reason to go slow enough that you can get to a decent, at least neutral, week, before you do the next drop. If you ever get to a neutral week. It would seem useful to build in at least mild rewards to your schedule -- if possible.

Anyway, kudos to you. This is definitely going to pay off for you in terms of quality of life in the long run.

[Lotty]

Hi GrandmaD,

Thinking of you. xxx
By the way, I've never told you.....but I am actually Australian too. Thought you might find that interesting. Born in Geelong, moved to Melbourne in my teens, left Australia 11 years ago for England and have never returned. I really miss potato cakes from the fish n chips shops in Australia - they don't really do them here.
Also Golden Gaytimes.
And Picnic bars without raisins; they put raisins in them here, as well as the peanuts.
And Golden Roughs.
I could go on and on!!!

[grandmaD]

hi Grandmad,

at 6 mg i was as you;
i had severe hip joints pains recently and they are gone away as if i had nothing, back pain is here since withdrawal with up and down;
i had short breathlessness since a while but apparently it is gone away;
i had all you describe, but headache no, it is the only thing i had not;

I thought the hip pain and back pain and severe leg painhad gone away, but back with this drop. So you had breathlessness too, it must be w/d but I don't see too many others with that symptom. Lucky you with no headaches! So, after 3 months off you don't have all this?

[grandmaD]

You're doing an incredible job, gD. Just incredible. I can really relate to your feeling of being trapped and desperate. But, going slowly and super-consciously as you are really seems to be the best way of having *some* control and self-determination in this situation.

In fact, given that it is so bad the second week after a drop, this might be a reason to go slow enough that you can get to a decent, at least neutral, week, before you do the next drop. If you ever get to a neutral week. It would seem useful to build in at least mild rewards to your schedule -- if possible.

Anyway, kudos to you. This is definitely going to pay off for you in terms of quality of life in the long run.

Thanks, Sheila, the pat on the head was needed! Purrrrr. Week 3 worse than week 2 (also normal ) my weeks seem to get worse and wrorse and worserer until about 8 or 9 weeks and they pan out and then around 10 or 11 they improve. I have waited for just a few days or a week at the most before I tape again, because we are talking like 3 moths each taper!

What do you mean my mild rewards? Like what?

I culdnt be bothered talking this week, but thinking of you guys. I've been thinkin again about doing 2.5% taper but then get into arguments with self about that taking EVEN LONGER! I am sorry, not very patient about this.

Have there been others who get worse and worse with each week ?

It is jst so hard when you don't know what to do! In the meantime, I jujst keep plodding along.

[grandmaD]

Hi GrandmaD,

Thinking of you. xxx
By the way, I've never told you.....but I am actually Australian too. Thought you might find that interesting. Born in Geelong, moved to Melbourne in my teens, left Australia 11 years ago for England and have never returned. I really miss potato cakes from the fish n chips shops in Australia - they don't really do them here.
Also Golden Gaytimes.
And Picnic bars without raisins; they put raisins in them here, as well as the peanuts.
And Golden Roughs.
I could go on and on!!!

Thanks a lot Lotty, it is nice of you. I'm blah all week, and still now. Not much encouraging to say!
Well, now, you have gotten some brownie p;oints now I know you are an Aussie! I don't know why anyone would want to go to Enland - or live in Melbourne, what with the freezing cold weather and the dirty Yarra! So you are a Mexican (fom south of the border) so you hae now lost a few more brownie points! LOL

Lotty, you wouldn't want to eat all those things anyway! Aaggh, the thought makes me sickk! I just had neaseau for 2 weeks, got a few days I could eat and got it back again today. I never did like picnic bars. Golden Roughs, yes! My favourite used to be cherry ripe but can't eat them either for yers now.

Also, we discovered on our recent trip to Vic you call them potato cakes - we call them scallops here - so they wanted to sell me something like a mussell (fish thing)! Vic. talk different language! Do you still have your Aussie accent?

What do you like about Enlgnad to make you stay there?

[grandmaD]

Week 3 @ 6.6mg

The Good
Improvement hip pain, back spasms
Breathlessness reduced in frequency so not struggling to breathe so much
Some head banging, but still mild
1 night insomnia compared to 2 nights for wk 2
Improvement in frequency of nerve/scalp flashes
Improvement in frequency of sore heads

The Bad
Backache frequency same as wk 2 but worse when walking around or standing and needed to sit down more often.
Very bad leg pain, return of cramping, tight muscles, increase in tingling, worse than wk 2 plus pain in L foot
Generally achey all over (similar to wk 2)
Restless everything at night (similar to wk 2)
Trouble sleeping. 1 night insomnia; 2 hrs to get to sleep; waking every 2-3 hrs.
Feeling slow, weak, heavy, lethargic, very tired and low (all sl worse than wk 2)
Pressure heads most days remained high in frequency and at moderate to high levels of intensity (sim to wk 2)
Batcave days worse than wk 2
Vibrations remained the same, high in frequency and from mod. to high intensity
Dizziness worse than wk 2
Indigestion, heart burn before getting up, stomach pains and naseau Worse than wk 2
Itchy sl. worse than wk 2
Head vibes remained same as week 2 in frequency and intensity, mod to high
Ear ringing still up to third level, extreme mostly
Palpitations about the same as wk 2

The Ugly
1 tension h/a same as wk 2
A big jump in naseau all day. Hate this as I love my food!
Huge jump in tight chests - trying to breathe deeply, yawning, sighing, etc.
Couldn’t make it for my walk 1 day – lasted 5mins and turned back due to tight chest and palpitations.

Overall
A crap week, worse than week 2 with less good days.
This is not unusual (I had to remind myself!) as week 3 is usually worse than week 2. Feeling low. Hard to do stuff, even doing this. Doing it in bites.
Compared to previous week 3 drops, all seems to be pretty much the same, except for a huge increase in the frequency of head vibrations, backaches, aching legs and naseau.

Painkillers
2 codeine for h/a
Week 3 Painkillers drop 8.1 = 12
“ 7.7 = 2
7.3 = 4

[Sheila]

Thanks, Sheila, the pat on the head was needed! Purrrrr. Week 3 worse than week 2 (also normal ) my weeks seem to get worse and wrorse and worserer until about 8 or 9 weeks and they pan out and then around 10 or 11 they improve. I have waited for just a few days or a week at the most before I tape again, because we are talking like 3 moths each taper!

What do you mean my mild rewards? Like what?

I culdnt be bothered talking this week, but thinking of you guys. I've been thinkin again about doing 2.5% taper but then get into arguments with self about that taking EVEN LONGER! I am sorry, not very patient about this.

Have there been others who get worse and worse with each week ?

It is jst so hard when you don't know what to do! In the meantime, I jujst keep plodding along.

What I meant by mild rewards was you getting to look forward to 1 - 2 weeks of feeling neutral or with only mild symptoms. Your w/d symptoms are so grueling, that my thinking was that it would be good for you physically and emotionally to know that you get 1 - 2 weeks off from the grueling suffering before you do the next taper.

It sounds like there is not much question about the first 8 - 9 weeks. You have to wait that long before your next taper. The question is -- do you just take the 10th and 11th week as your mild reward, or do you try adding another week or two to see if you get better quality of life, a mini-vacation, before you do the next drop.

I am not trying to persuade you in any way. I genuinely don't feel like I know the answer. It's just an optionfor you to consider. Of course I think we want to get you off this stuff. And if you're never going to feel well in the taper, then maybe you should just soldier on. But, if it were possible for you to build in mini-vacations, would another week or two per drop be such a bad thing, or might it lighten your load? I don't know.

In answer to your other question, yes, absolutely, people can get worse as they get farther from the drop.

Anyway, you are doing a yeoman's job. I really admire you. And this *will* pay off for you. You'll live a much longer, happier, healthier life because you got off this poison.

<--- gD on her marathon