Here would be the most comprehensive description of it ----> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsess...lsive_disorderOriginally Posted by grandmaD
In some it happens w/o even being in WD, though in WD it gets hellish, even for those who didn't have it before starting drugs/in WD. I never had it before drugs, then it got freakishly intense, and totally irrational. But it does improve.
Keep walking. Just keep walking.
Oh, my friend, I am so sorry to hear of this terrible, long story of iatrogenesis. What a hard, hard road. You are incredibly strong and persevering. You have a strong life force.
Is there more of the story coming? Are you tapering? Are you on Paxil only? What is your life like now?
Again, my heart goes out to you. Thank goodness you have finally discovered the truth and now can begin to heal for real. All this misery will be turned into something good.
Meds free since June 2005.
"An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one's own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space."
-- Holger Kalweit
The last past pretty much brings me up to date.Oh, my friend, I am so sorry to hear of this terrible, long story of iatrogenesis. What a hard, hard road. You are incredibly strong and persevering. You have a strong life force.
Is there more of the story coming? Are you tapering? Are you on Paxil only? What is your life like now?
Again, my heart goes out to you. Thank goodness you have finally discovered the truth and now can begin to heal for real. All this misery will be turned into something good.
Yes, still on Paxil now at 7mg and about to taper.
Life now? Probably treading water
Which is better than when I crashed a year ago and was drowning.
Re: MY SECOND YEAR OF TAPER
The good
Breathlessness returned, and I was worried it would go sky high again, but I was pleasantly surprised to find it stayed at about a mild level, only increasing when I walked or exercised. That is an improvement!
Headbanging for a couple of days, but not severe, just mild this time, so that too, is an improvement.
Overall, a big improvement in head vibes
Big improvement in scalp flashes
Head pressure was typical for the week.
This has come down from 7 days to days to 5 days a week, so it is improving, just very slowly.
The bad
First 2 days okay, then came a very sore head (even my hair hurt to touch or move) bad pressure head, finally resulting in a headache for 2 days. This is par for course, with 2 h/aches being my average per week lately.
One bad episode of head vibes going sky high in bed one night on day 6.
Big increase in palpitations.
The breathlessness has improved but I now notice the tight chest more, like a tightness around chest area.
Insomnia has returned to 2 nights in the week. 2 hrs to get to sleep and waking and not being able to get back to sleep.
A big increasin leg aching (adding to difficulty getting to sleep) and foot pain. A sharp shooting nerve pain in my ankle and prickles around ankle area.
The ugly
A return of my backache
Overall
A much better week than I expected!
gD -- Yeah, treading water is definitely better than drowning. I hear ya. Isn’t it sobering how we have to cherish even such a poor quality of life, because it’s better than what came before?!
I’m so glad you felt seen by me, gD. I can see from what you’ve written that you don’t want to be a winger or pull too much for sympathy, but I hope you will feel that this is a place where we can all exchange sympathy. We all certainly deserve it, and it’s healing for us.
“Issued under the poisons act” << -- wow, that really says it all, doesn’t it?
OK, it sounds like you’ve learned the hard way that you have to taper ultra-slowly. I so, so understand your frustration. I cannot even find words to tell you how frustrated I am – I get better, but the pace is so slow.
You also seem to have had a very important insight – that when you get frustrated and impatient, you imagine that all of a sudden you have become someone who can tolerate a fast taper. ;) I want to underline this. I think it’s key to avoiding as much suffering as possible for you.
When I get frustrated, impatient, and irritable – which I do regularly – I often talk to myself out loud and say something like “Slow down. You are really impatient, and you are now at risk for accidentally hurting yourself or breaking something.” I have to really consciously compensate or I *will* accidentally do something I’ll regret.
You are doing a superb job of learning the parameters of your relationship with this poison and the most effective way of liberating yourself from it. This patience – or at least faking patience ;) – will pay off for you. You will be free! So many people will never be free from this enslavement because they won’t be able to find the escape route.
<< -- coiled rage and power, waiting patiently for the right moment
Meds free since June 2005.
"An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one's own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space."
-- Holger Kalweit
Ha ha, Lotty! If I'm crying constantly, I want everyone else to be crying, too!
Meds free since June 2005.
"An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one's own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space."
-- Holger Kalweit
Hey Sheila, you are a treat! You made me smile today! I love your little pics - and I love that tiger and all he represents - you are a very insightful person.Ha ha, Lotty! If I'm crying constantly, I want everyone else to be crying, too!
Hi Grandma D,
What an incredible trooper you are. It is great to have you on our site and we have a lot to learn from you. I very much admire your determination and will look forward to hear more from you.
"You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star." -- Nietzsche
grandmaD and Lotty -- Thanks so much for all the kind words and recognition -- from all of us Founders!
We don't have a tea kettle emoticon....yet....but please.....have some turkey.....
Meds free since June 2005.
"An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one's own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space."
-- Holger Kalweit
I have now dropped to 6.6mg
I started to feel it on day 2 with the head pressure returning, but was mild. It didn't help that the neighbour's dog barked incessantly for an hour from 12.30am to 1.30am till I remembered I had some earplugs. I had to get out of bed, find a torch, search for them and then when I got back in bed, I was so het up I could hear my heart pounding and my breathing due to having the ear plugs in and that was annoying! I think it was 4am before I finlly got to sleep.
Nex day the head pressure was increased to moderate and then devloped into a headache and the breathlessness returned.
Today the head pressure is back to moderate and the headache is like a dull head. Other things are back, like lethargy, slowness, heavyness, my "batcave" and tiredness.
While I was treading water I feel like I am drowning again, but this time I have a different aspect to the previous 12 months as I now know that this should pass .... just hope it is less than 11 weeks this year .... so I am clinging to my life buoy, muddling along, no walk today, but will do my exercises and waiting for the lifeboat!
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