my history

[Junior]

Hi from Grenfell, western NSW and is IT EVER HOT OUT WEST! We are boiling and didn't bring much summer clothes.

So good to see you/hear you Junior. You are doing so great, and after 15 months from when I first met you, look how far you have come!

*waves back*. Thanks. Great to see you too. You think I've come a long way? Awwww thanks. No-one ever says that to me so I forget how far I've come myself. I DO know that it's a VERY long-term process!

I also recall you saying slow, slow, slow! over and over, but you are right, you just want to get off asap. I was horrified and in shock when I first discovered all my problems were due to to w/d and 12 years on and off trying to get off and that last 4 years trying very hard and ending up in hospital. It is hell when you are in it, for sure and seems like no escape.

*nods* Yep I remember when I reinstated Aropax, for the sole purpose of getting some sleep. Or at least in the hope I could. Because at that point, my brain chemistry was so messed up that sleep and I just weren't compatible. The RI worked but I updosed from 20-40mg far too quickly (being such a rebel, I didn't listen to anything I was told LOL!) and when I think about it now, I guess I experienced a kindling effect. The 20mg dose was ok but the jump to 40mg brought on a jittery feeling in my nerves, extreme anxiety (hand wringing type), and feelings of major depression. It all settled after a week, thank goodness, and I allowed myself to stabilise. That took 3 months. Since then it's all been - well, a very very slow taper.
OMG - that means I've been tapering for 3 years !!

I started to come good in week 5 and even better in week 6 and now in week 7 and enjoying feeling quite good for our break away. We had planned to visit my aunt but that didn't work out when visitors we had were throwing up. My daughter then got it and we didn't want to take it to aunt so we are on the road again in our van.

I am ready to come down again tomorrow. It is easier in one respect being in the van, as housework takes 5mins and we do a lot of sight-seeing so that just means sitting in the car and isn't strenuous. I am more than happy to be tapering already, after 7 weeks and not 12! So I will stick to the 2.5% taper for next 12 months.

I'm so glad your current taper methods are working for you. May it continue.

[Junior]

Junior, I think I can begin to see that one day I too, will be off! I will see if I can still say that next week after this next taper! Maybe just because I am in a good place today!

I think it is sensible to do a 5% taper when you get to 10mg. How is your sleep these days? That is one thing that has improved this last week for me, but I expect could get worse again next week.

I don't stick to the 5% / 10% thing. I've been doing 1mg drops since I was on 26mg so ... I can't be bothered. You do the maths :D

I don't really want to do smaller drops though because my scales won't calibrate for anything less. I did buy another set but I'm too lazy to calibrate those properly ... Ahhh.. guess I'll have to at some point. It's such a pain having to weigh and measure your pills. I sometimes feel like I've got a drug lab going. LOL!!!

My sleep is still up and down. I'm now waiting 6 weeks between drops and for the last 2 or so of that time, I generally sleep really well. I've re-discovered what "normal" sleep is like! So much so that I was reluctant to do my recent drop (which I did on 17 Sept) but I know that I've got to keep going. It would be easy to just stay at the same dose but I do want to get off it. *sigh*

I'm so glad things are going well for you though. I remember how hard it was for you when we first met. And look how far YOU have come!!!

[grandmaD]

acute akathisia, panic, extreme OCD, and countless other symptoms of the "first stage", slowly change into more anhedonia, burn-out-like stuff. ..

Can you explain what is akathisia and OCD? Is anhedonia the one where you feel like you aren't real?

[grandmaD]

I don't stick to the 5% / 10% thing. I've been doing 1mg drops since I was on 26mg so ... I can't be bothered. You do the maths :D

I don't really want to do smaller drops though because my scales won't calibrate for anything less. I did buy another set but I'm too lazy to calibrate those properly ... Ahhh.. guess I'll have to at some point. It's such a pain having to weigh and measure your pills. I sometimes feel like I've got a drug lab going. LOL!!!

My sleep is still up and down. I'm now waiting 6 weeks between drops and for the last 2 or so of that time, I generally sleep really well. I've re-discovered what "normal" sleep is like! So much so that I was reluctant to do my recent drop (which I did on 17 Sept) but I know that I've got to keep going. It would be easy to just stay at the same dose but I do want to get off it. *sigh*

I'm so glad things are going well for you though. I remember how hard it was for you when we first met. And look how far YOU have come!!!

1mg is pretty good. I know I said about 5% at 10mg but you have been coming down for so long so slow now, it wouldn't surprise me if you could keep up the same rate. I really think that consistency is the key also. You have also had long breaks when yho went overseas and I reckon that helps give the body a break/rest in case it needs to "catch up". I just have to accept the length of time it takes, that is the hard part.

I agree with you about the weighing. My daughter has been sstaying with us for a few months now and walked in and saw me for the first time and said something like you did - druggy and drug lab going here! I was able to show her the insy tinsy bit that I file off. It is harder if your in a bad mood, impatient and get angry! I don't have to do the math - I go by what Pokie sent me!

[grandmaD]

Many improvements this week which is a huge difference to previous tapers:

No head vibes, no cramps, no spasms, no backache, no hip pain, no insomnia, no indigestion, no itches, no feeling low and lethargic, no dizzy, no batcave.

Improved: h/a - 1;bad days;body vibes; feeling weak, tired and slow was a huge improvement; huge improvement in no. of good days;

Same: sore heads, aching legs & ankles, breathlessness

Worse: Pressure heads increased in no. but fluctuated from mild to high with less high ones; scalp flashes, palpitations, headbanging increased in no. but more on the mild side

Overall An even better week than last week

[Luc]

Akathisia is "inner restlessness", a constant urge to be moving, a burning feeling going on in every cell of your body, feels like being on fire. You are just not able to keep still. One of the worst symptoms imaginable.

OCD is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Anhedonia - physiological inability to experience any joy, pleasure, etc.

When you "feel you are not real" is depersonalization or derealization, depending on the definition.

[Sheila]

Well, this is very good news about the smaller drop paying off so handsomely!

[grandmaD]

Overall
A bad week compared to last week with a return of all the (18) symptoms and lots of dull heads. We have stayed in the one place all week and done basically nothing. Spent 1 day in bed with headache. Been having longer than usual afternoon rests, sleeping more than usual. Surprised that today I rested and slept for 2 hours. I have been able to do my walk each morning and afternoon mostly.

[Luc]

Next week will be better. That is very good you have been taking these walks, even despite the recent worsening. By the way, how do you usually react to them - do you feel beter afterwards, GD?

[Sheila]

Okey-dokey. Several possibilities here. 1) Can't control this ferret called w/d. Can never be sure how any drop will go. 2) You had the daylight savings time change and the change of dosing time. Those are two changes! Just the daylight savings thing is like going through jet lag. 3) You only waited 7 weeks to go down. Let's see how the rest of this drop goes. And, maybe you might try 7 weeks again. Then, if necessary, you could try 8. You've gone from 12 to 7, right? That's a big change.