my history

[grandmaD]

So sorry to hear your son started taking SSRIs, GrandmaD... It's hard to say which one is the worst, though, many say Effexor and Paxil are in the top two (of the worst ones)...

As for your son, does he know about the side-effects of those drugs? Is it possible to tell him about this forum or similar places, where he could read more about it?

I also hope you were only "considering taking another AD to help you sleep"..., and you would never do it in the final equation. We all know where it leads, and how it would worsen your current situation.

Rought times, indeed. At least there has been some improvement since two days... Hang in there!

I am not sure if he really realises. I only just told him yesterday about myself. He probably doesn't have a clue...just believes Drs... We were on a mobile, so too costly to ring. I have SMS him to ask if he has a landline phone somewhere so we can talk, but not hear back all day. I have to let this go, not good for me - this morning quite worked up, almost panic.. body and head vibes extreme, palpitations back and shakey, etc. I have to find balance between looking after myself and trying not to worry about him, but want to help him as well, so hard. I don't think he is computer literate. His wife might be, I sent her an SMS also but no reply as yet from her either.

Yea, ROUGH TIMES ALRIGHT. I had a gutful, I can tell you! Because of that, I was only considering the Endep. Also because I cannot relax and 3 hrs to get to sleep again and waking every 1.5hrs and not getting back tol sleep - being a zombie sounded good to me - I thought about using them for sleep, but I know you can't just do that. I don't want to resort to sleeping pills either, I feel so trapped, and hate it. I know it is silly to be on 2! Esp. here i am advising son against it!! Not rational... c'mon brain...please get fixed quick.

This week SHOULD see some improvement.

[Sheila]

gD – I so know the desperation to *do* something, but taking another pescription med is out of the question. As long as you are safe – and you are – it would be a self-destructive thing to do. You might get some bit of relief, but at a terrible cost.

Instead, keep doing all your wonderful self-care things – the self-massage, the walking (when possible), the prioritizing-being-kind-to-yourself. I know these things don’t help enough, but they do contribute to your healing.

You really are doing an incredible job, and you *will* get better.

Re: your son – it sounds like he did not know anything about your harrowing experience with antidepressants until yesterday. So, it’s all new information and, frankly, hard to believe.

Do suggest that his wife get over here to IAWP, so we can take some of the burden off you, and educate them.

What about some Youtube videos? What about Robert Whitaker’s book, or a Breggin book? Can your husband explain things to him? Do you have any other friend or relative there who can explain what you’ve been going through and the problems with ADs?

You have other resources, besides just trying to explain and persuade by yourself. Take your time. You may have to let go of the wish to prevent his even starting the meds, and just focus on getting him off them within a few weeks. This is a process. So many pp / SA / IAWP members have been in this position of knowing the full catastrophe of these things and not being able to persuade the people around them. It's a crazy-making experience.

[grandmaD]

My son didn't want to talk, but late last night his wife rang and explained everything. She thinks he has been depressed for several months now and believes this is a positive step in the right direction. She understands he will need to go off it slowly and said the Dr. knows this also and that this is just for a year. I got the ghist that maybe things are desperate and this is to save the marriage. He has also quit the alcohol CT a few weeks ago and put on ad's about a week later.

His wife says she has seen a marked improvement in the 2 weeks .... but she said that also when he was first put on epileptic tabs ...then they didn't work and he was put on two lots of them ... I was pleased when she told me she has got him of the 2nd lot of those .... but now on ad .... they have no idea what I have been through, only just filled them in now, very briefly. I doubt they realise the dangers.


I find all this quite distressing. I can only hope that this works out for the best, but you all probably know what I think of Drs. and a'd's but I can also see she has no other alternative, so I have to let it go as it has been driving me insane and keeps coming back and worryng me, but I can see is causing my own anxiety to intensify. I could not sleep for 4 hours and got 5 hours sleep.

[grandmaD]

gD – I so know the desperation to *do* something, but taking another pescription med is out of the question. As long as you are safe – and you are – it would be a self-destructive thing to do. You might get some bit of relief, but at a terrible cost.

Instead, keep doing all your wonderful self-care things – the self-massage, the walking (when possible), the prioritizing-being-kind-to-yourself. I know these things don’t help enough, but they do contribute to your healing.

You really are doing an incredible job, and you *will* get better.

Re: your son – it sounds like he did not know anything about your harrowing experience with antidepressants until yesterday. So, it’s all new information and, frankly, hard to believe.

Do suggest that his wife get over here to IAWP, so we can take some of the burden off you, and educate them.

What about some Youtube videos? What about Robert Whitaker’s book, or a Breggin book? Can your husband explain things to him? Do you have any other friend or relative there who can explain what you’ve been going through and the problems with ADs?

You have other resources, besides just trying to explain and persuade by yourself. Take your time. You may have to let go of the wish to prevent his even starting the meds, and just focus on getting him off them within a few weeks. This is a process. So many pp / SA / IAWP members have been in this position of knowing the full catastrophe of these things and not being able to persuade the people around them. It's a crazy-making experience.

You must have beenwriting same time as me! Thanks Sheila and others - I know the dangers... but you know there is this dangerous thing also ... the temptation ...to alleviate the pain/pressure/torture.... that is why it is good to talk here .... please ... I need you guys ! I know in my right mind I would not and should not do it... but now toying with the idea of having a "drink" to help me sleep. I quit alcohol when I began tapering, but have some ginger wine that BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THE LOCAL DR. ADVISED ME TO TAKE WHEN I HAD TONSILLITIS! I haven't done it yhet in fear of it interfering with the brain/chemicals/wd/etc. Maybe it helps me to know it is there "just in case" as a "last resort" and now I will say "instead of other drugs"!

This being kind to myself is a wonderful tool. As you would notice in my above post, that is why I have to try and let my son go and not worry about him, I have to concnetrate on myself getting down the anxiety levels.

I am very teary (doesn't happen very often) reading yor words, I am sorry but it is VERY HARD TO BELIEVE I WILL GET BETTER, but I am determined to trust, you and the others - I certainly trust your experiences (and mine) over any Dr. that's for sure.

Yes, I agree, I didn't get to share to much of my experience - a lot to take in, just tried to warn of the addiction natre of ad's.

Okay, good idea, I will certainly let her know about this site, I didn't think of that .. I have not checked out all your site yet ....do hyou have a family section for his wife (she is in control of it all) to talk on?

Thanks heaps and heaps for being here for me, I so appreciate your feedback and support and help!

[grandmaD]

gD –

What about some Youtube videos? What about Robert Whitaker’s book, or a Breggin book? Can your husband explain things to him? Do you have any other friend or relative there who can explain what you’ve been going through and the problems with ADs?

You have other resources, besides just trying to explain and persuade by yourself. Take your time. You may have to let go of the wish to prevent his even starting the meds, and just focus on getting him off them within a few weeks. This is a process. So many pp / SA / IAWP members have been in this position of knowing the full catastrophe of these things and not being able to persuade the people around them. It's a crazy-making experience.

Where would she get those books? Perhaps I can get them for her (my son won't read). Better for him to listen to something (if he will - he is quite stubborn also which doesn't help!) I did suggest an organisation I am aware of here in Aus. called GROW. it is a 12 step programme for mental health, similar to AA's.
She is aware of another one here called Beyond Blue on the internet, so that's good.

Talking to them is difficult as they only have mobiles and it cost me $1 a minute to ring them and they never ring us! I doubt hubbywill talk to him, as they don't have a relationship (this is my 2nd husband) and my son relates still to his father (alcholic, violent - even abused my son violenty physically when only 15mos old and my son went unconscious ... but son does not remember) I find this hard too... son will not talk about the past .... says "drop it" .... what can you do?

I accept today he is not going to stop taking them. Wife says it is just for a year. Let's hope so...

[stan]

after a year it is already difficult to stop, he will have to taper slowly; it is doable but he has to be convinced it will be safer for him;take a year is to have a foot in the spirale

[Luc]

I understand you so well, GrandmaD. Sometimes, life circumstances themselves make it so difficult to persuade others from doing certain things. And yes, you're right - at some point, the only way is simply accepting the current state of affairs. Yet, what could still help, and you had enough energy to try it... Very soon, we will have those short videos on our Youtube channel - "Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms". You said your son won't read, but, perhaps, he would still watch these couple of videos? "a picture is worth a thousand words"...

You may give it a try, and if this doesn't work, you will at least know you have done your best...

[Sheila]

Oh, gD, you *are* going to heal. There is no limit to neuroplasticity. I know this is a hellish process for some of us – you, me, others – but it could get significantly better at any time. I have seen people barely able to get off the drugs, like you, and then they have a very easy time post-taper.

We all have desperate thoughts during this recovery – it’s inevitable.

How much sleep are you getting on average? How many hours / night?

Your son –

I’m really sorry to hear about that abuse history between your ex-husband and your son. And, it’s frustrating that your son has not been ready to really work on it. Maybe what’s going on now – stoping drinking, seeking help (albeit not the form we would prefer), his wife’s involvement – will bring him to the point of being able to work on it.

There *is* something positive about his taking the meds – at least it means he’s willing to admit he’s suffering and accept help. Those are big things. They can be built on.

There are books and videos listed on the static pages of the IAWP – click the Home button. And we have videos on our Youtube channel. You can buy the books on Amazon and have them sent directly to your son.

We don’t have a family section per se. But, your daughter-in-law could just start a journal thread in Journals.

Can you write a letter to your son? You could work on it slowly over the course of a week or two – explaining things more fully.

Are you sure it is not an option for your current husband to talk with him. Even if they are not close, your husband could focus on describing what he sees you going through.

This is a *process*. You can lead a horse to water, you know? You will plant seeds, given him some info. And, the meds – bad as they are – may be the thing that leads him to healing in the end. I mean, look how much *we* have learned and grown from these meds. Now, we wouldn’t wish this path on anyone, but it *can* be turned into gold.

[grandmaD]

after a year it is already difficult to stop, he will have to taper slowly; it is doable but he has to be convinced it will be safer for him;take a year is to have a foot in the spirale

I know Stan ... I rather he didn't start on them in the first place ... his wife very positive about this step ... she is with him, not me, so I cannot interfere. I just hope he can get off in a year, try and be positive myslef.

[grandmaD]

- "Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms". You said your son won't read, but, perhaps, he would still watch these couple of videos? "a picture is worth a thousand words"...
You may give it a try, and if this doesn't work, you will at least know you have done your best...

Thanks, for your understanding Luc and Stan and Sheila! Yes, these videos sound great. Please keep me informed as to when.. They don't have a computer, but I think she does at work, maybe.