Again I see many familiar names from SA and PP, were many of us came from. And probably many of you will recognize my name and story.
I started Paxil in 2002, after losing my job several times within 2 years and developing panic attacks. Though I have many rejections in life, I would not describe myself as being depressed. The Paxil made me feel way better in a few weeks and I had little side effects. But I just wanted to get off after about one half year when Ihad another job.
The first attempts to get off from 10 mg were not so bad, but I got some nasty memories back and fell in the deadly trap of reinstating which almost immiediately made me feel well again. LAter w/d attempts were much worse, not to say a torturous experience. Of course my GP did not explain me anything and I never found out about w/d and tapering.
In 2007 I quit again and was determined to hang on, just to enter a unbelievable hellish rollercoaster which costed me my job, lots of money and almost my life. Diarrea, vomiting, endless crying, anger attacks, homicadal tendencies, hatred and total cognitive shutdown were only part of the torture I had to endure every day. Not before 18 months I found out about w/d on PaxilProgress, too late to reinstate. A few weeks later I got a first window lasting about 2 weeks just to get back to square one again.
From this point I met lots of people on PP and SA, did what I could to get better and started to study again to be able to re-enter the job market again some day. But recovery has been incredibly slow, with short lasting windows and awful waves in which I did some stupid and dangerous things.

Last year things go better, I am able to work about half-time but still do not have a regular job and live from my savings. Now at 4.5 years I still have neurological symptoms who are very persistent although I still feel some healing happening. I am determined to overcome this and never ever turn to psychiatric meds again and leanred also alot about myself and the world, though this process has created a lot of pain too.
I will write more later, and I wish everybody here a lot of healing and growing wisdom!