Hi there! 16 years of antidepressants and other medication...

[sterre]

Hi there!
My name is Sterre, and I feel very happy to have stumbled upon this forum! My English may not be the best, it is not my native language, but hopefully it will be readable.

I am from the Netherlands, and slowly tapering off my antidperessant for more than over a year now.

I started tapering off on April 26 2011, after 16 years of usage. Off course I tried to taper off before, but I did it to fast ( almost cold turkey) and suffered from terrible withdrawal symptoms. At the time I did not regognize them to be withdrawal symptoms, but was amazed that I suffered from psychological symptoms that I never entered before. My P-doc at the time, told me I was relapsing and gave me another prescreption of AD's.
As the good gullible girl I am, I started the new AD's again, only to find out, that I gained weight rapidly, and got into a lethargic and depressed state.

I dicussed how very unhappy I felt with my P-doc and we got into a fight, because she did not believe the weight gain was from the AD's, and explained my lethargic state to being a mental problem.

Sure!

I contacted my pharmacist and asked about withdrawal symptoms. The information he gave me, opend my eyes, as I understood that my former relapse, was in fact severe withdrawal.
I decided to taper of my new antidepressants, and that caused a break up with my P-doc. She was furiuos to hear that I decided not to take any more AD's, and warned me that I would become depressed again.

In the 16 years of taking AD's ( diffent ones, from Fevarine, to Wellburtin, to Lexapro, and some cocktails of those combined) I developped chronic depression. Before starting the AD's, I did not suffer from chronic depression but from anxiety attacks.

Living 16 years without a significant libido, feeling tired all the time, blurry vision, pain in my joints, and so on, is a long time.
The AD's innitially helped with the anxiety, but they simultaniuosly worsend or triggerd my depressions. I got more and more depressed,instead of less depressed.
So more AD's were prescribed. Cocktails, benzo's,sleeping pills, they all were mixed together, in a daiy dose.
And I still was not feeling any better!


In this year of tapering, I did not have one depressed episode. Sure I felt depressed sometimes, but never for long. My feelings of depression now are sometims 4 days in a row, instead of the weeks/months they where before the tapering.

So now I am here, determined to get of those poisinous pills, and never to touch one again!

[Sheila]

Welcome, Sterre! Your English is excellent!

You have had a classic experience, unfortunately, with your doctor misinterpreting both the side effects and withdrawal effects of antidepressants, and your pharmacist being more knowledgeable.

You have a really good understanding of how these medications create chronic mental health problems. And you also understand the importance of tapering slowly.

You are doing great!

[Luc]

Hey, Sterre! Welcome to IAWP. That's very good you're doing a slow taper, and that's very very important that you already know so much about these drugs - knowing the mechanism behind them is 90% of success. Stay the course and please, keep us updated about your progress.

[stan]

hello Sterre,

i have a similar story as you, bad english also, have taken AD for anxiety 13 years, as you it have not work much last years, and had to taper alone without help, high anxiety and depression are common to appear but are not real, they are chemical pseudo anxiety, pseudo depression, their duration is shorter than a real depression, they come and go;

welcome here

[sterre]

Thanks for the warm welcome!

Stan, I read some of your posts and I think your English is really good.

When I started tapering, and simultaniously broke the contact with my P-doc off, my anxiety attacks returned.
This time I was better prepared, and just tried to stand the anxiety attacks. I tried to just let it go, and to stand it, reminding myself that I am safe.
When I had do my daily routine ( I have a young child to take care of) I would take a benzo, but when she was sleeping or at school, I tried to just let the anxiety race trough my body untill it faded away....and it worked really good.

I am no longer scared of my anxiety attacks, i´ve accepted that it is a way of my body to relase tension, and I try to listen to it.

The depressed episodes are a lot harder to stand, and so are my bouts of rage. But I will manage. I try to keep reminding myself that it is partly due to tapering off medication, but also emotions that where supressed for over 16 years, that I have to learn to deal with again.

This forum is amazing, I am very happy to have found it! Thanks to all of you!

At this moment I am on Fevarine (anti depressants) 6,5 mg. I tapered of from 150 mg, in one year.
I cut them with a sharp knife, and try to take the daily dose at the same time every day.

I noticed that the last parts now, are incredibly tough. It takes me more than a month to feel a bit balanced again after cutting a few mg off the earlier dose.

I take supplements to make it easier. I take fish oil in high doseage, multivitamins, magnesium and melatonin to sleep, and I added some st jonhsworth recently.
I know about the effects st jonhnsworth may cause combined with antidepressant, but so far I havent noticed anything that says the two interact not well. Off course the antidepressants I take are a very low dose. So far no strange interaction between the two, luckely!

The thing I struggle with mostly these days, is my anger, and my sensitivity to almost everything and everyone. I feel like I have no skin or something, everything pierces right trough me. I seem to feel almost every emotion very intense now a days.
But then again my emotions have been covered up for 16 years!!!!
What a scam those pills are, really!They solve nothing!

It is unbelieveable that people are left in the dark about the effects these pills have on your metabolism, your brains, your body.

I struggle with feelings of guilt and worry because I took them during my pregnancy, and the doctors where okay with it. They said it wouldnt harm my child.
My child is now a healty and happy 5 year old, but I wonder about the long term effects on her brain. After all she has been exposed to the antidpressants for nine crucial months.
My child cried for three monts after she was born, she had problems with her stomach and bowels, so the doctors said.
They adviced me to stop breast feeding her, wich I did, and then her pain slowly faded and she became a much happier baby.
How foolish I was, because now I believe she must have suffered withdrawal symptoms, that stopped when I stopped the breast feeding.

I hope she doesnt have any long term effects... I really hope so!

[stan]

yes , about your child, i think she was in withdrawal, it is past now;
after 16 years taken (and still taken some), after off, when the brain will really begin to heal you without drug, you will have strange feelings, but after time, all slowly improves and you will be happy to live again, interact with environment, what you are feeling today is nothing compared to your real you when you are improved; it is as a new born, i begin to feel that but it took time
depression will go away, it is chemical, it is hard, but do not stay months, it goes and comes back and goes shorter and shorter

[sterre]

Thanks Stan!

Yes, I think the bouts of depressed feelings I have are chemicaly induced ones.
Sometimes I wonder if there could be possible brain damage from taking these pills for so long?

My physical withdrawal symptoms vary from mild shivers ( hot an dcold, a bit feverish) to problems with speech and memory, and sometimes trouble with writing.
Dizzy spells, headaches and dry eyes and blurry vision. And off course the weightgain that comes out of nowhere! I gaine ounces just by breathing air.
And ther is something wrong with my blood sugar levels, they are all messed up. I crave sugar all the time ( and hardly give in to it)

The psychological symptoms vary from feeling a sudden bout of rage, short and sudden depressions, drowsyness, sudden bouts of despair.
They used to be much worse but within time I noticed they are becoming less severe.

[Cosette123]

Welcome Sterre! Your english is very good!
Your story is similar to mine and those of other members.I lost my confidence in the doctors who don't recognize the reality of withdrawal.Even my homeopath believes that the W/D must end after a few weeks...I am 4 years off Paxil!!!

[sterre]

Hi Cosette!

Yeah, it can be very frustrating to have to convince medical people that what you are going trough is really WD. I just stopped trying to convince them. I am sure within a couple of years there will be much more knowlegde about the devestating effects AD's and other psychotropic's have on people.
That even your homeopath believe that the withdrawal takes only a few weeks is to bad!

I wonder...dont they read critical articles about AD's or something?

[Sheila]

That’s fantastic how you are learning to experiment with your anxiety and not be so afraid of going through it! Eventually, you will learn to work with your depression and anger in the same way.

And, yes, your emotions now are probably a combination of real personal issues *and* distortion and amplification caused by the medication taper.

These meds (medications) do seem to change the brain, but the brain heals once you remove the meds. We have seen it happen hundreds of times.

Sometimes, people have to slow down the taper near the end. You are right to wait a month between drops if it allows you to stabilize somewhat.

The St. John’s wort might be a problem. It’s generally best not to take anything that is too directly serotonergic. More generally supportive supplements seem to be better tolerated.

I’m sorry your daughter seems to have gone through withdrawal (w/d). You are not alone. This is a worldwide pandemic of doctors telling women it’s OK to get pregnant while on these drugs. It sounds like she is finished with her w/d and doing very well. By age 5, it seems extremely likely that she is fully and permanently recovered from the medication exposure. Remember, the young brain is incredibly plastic and able to be repaired fast.

We can help you explore strategies for managing the anger and hyper-sensitivity that are so common in w/d.