The Recovery Will Happen - Luc's journal

[Luc]

Thank you, Friends, so so much. Just dropping by to tell you I'm here. Though not in one piece (in WD terms it's more like a bizzare combo of vibrating body and mind), I'm doing what my signature tells me to. I so hope that some of us will win a badge of a "Corner Turner" before 2011 expires. Keep healing.

[Cosette123]

Thank you so much Luc. And let us "keep walking"!

[Samsara]

Thank you, Friends, so so much. Just dropping by to tell you I'm here. Though not in one piece (in WD terms it's more like a bizzare combo of vibrating body and mind), I'm doing what my signature tells me to. I so hope that some of us will win a badge of a "Corner Turner" before 2011 expires. Keep healing.

Sending you "good healing vibrations" to off-set the bizarre vibrations.

Oh, may the "turning the corner" happen for us all by 2012. It's the greatest Xmas and/or New Year's gift that we could ever receive.

Better post this since, my mind is starting to vibrate.

We walk with you Luc.

Samsara

[redroo]

Nice to hear from you Luc I hope you can continue to get better.

[Luc]

Thanks, guys - still rough seas, yet I've learnt to appreciate the fact that it's still improved since early WD. Among the worst of my symptoms now are physical symptoms, anxiety, insomnia, anhedonia, ruminations (those last especially make me isolate myself a lot from others; I push myself to look in here and drop a line or two - it helps me to take my mind off of WD a bit). Comparing my experience and validating it against that of others' is of crucial importance for all of us.

In less than a month I'm starting my 4th year off of Paxil c/t (plus 6 months - Xanax c/t). It's been a long, utterly bizzare road so far, but despite this whole physical and emotional ordeal, I'm increasingly certain that the full recovery is possible, and is just a matter of time. Take care everybody, we will beat this SSRIs monster.

[Samsara]

Hi Luc........

I must say that it felt so good to see and feel your presence/spirit publicly moving within IAWP recently. I was so happy to see that you felt able (even if for short time) to engage/interact.

Hope we've been able to pull you up onto our life raft to temporarily provide respite from the rough waters.

Unfortunately, I can relate to so much of what you are going through and thus, I can greatly sympathized and I wish there was something I could do to alleviate your suffering.

Indeed, comparing and sharing can be helpful since, it allows us to understand that we are not alone in such suffering, although as you know, many times we must isolate in order to survive. The isolation factor alone would drive the sanest person mad.

I can only speak for myself but the isolation factor is the most traumatizing aspect of this whole journey. It's like we have to isolate in order to feel safe but at the same time being alone with such suffering creates unsafe feelings. Of course, I'm projecting here and please forgive me it I'm implying something that doesn't fit how you feel about all this but I have to believe that no one wishes to be alone with such suffering.

It's been 4 1/2 years for me as well: 2 years of violent, bedridden kindling/complete tolerance WD tapering and now 2 years and a little over 6 months post taper. So, like you my life has been very seriously compromised. So, I completely understand what you are going through.

Indeed this is a very long journey but as you have mentioned, things WERE so much worse in earlier WD. This next year will be easier in so many ways and there is also the possibility of things dramatically improving over-night and/or for recovery pattern to become more linear in nature. I've seen this happen with some people, myself included re: my prior triple xanax/pheno/codeine C/T from a severe tolerance WD state. Although, I realize we can't bank on this to occur, it is a very real possibility.

One way or another we will get through this. You have been so unbelievably strong, brave and resilient.............such a very determined man, a spirit of warrior proportions, to have continued to work .....who has endure so much and who has come so incredibly far!!! And, despite your inhumane suffering, you have helped so many others keep the faith and to keep walking when you yourself were in great distress. This is testament to the beauty of the Luc spirit!

The worst is behind you now my friend. The worst is behind!!!!! I know it's still a painful existence for you but at some point things WILL start to ease up. You're going to be MORE than OKAY. You will have your life back and it will be a beautiful experience beyond description so just hang on for a little bit longer.

We walk with you and I know that you walk with us as well. I hope I haven't written too much but sometimes we just really need a caring "talking to" (for lack of a better term).

Worth mentioning: I noticed that in some of your recent posts you've utilized the "LOL" acroynm. Perhaps I'm making a big deal out of something minor and/or I may not be recalling accurately, but I think this is a good sign that your mind is moving or at least trying to move into "laughing mode"? I'm I making a legit observation?

Please keep in mind though that I'm not implying that your mind is dancing with delight since, I utilize the "lol" acroymn all the time but that certainly doesn't mean that I'm doing okay. In fact, when I'm at my worst I will use it the most, as a means to fight to keep sane. Nonetheless, Luc, I think that this "LOL" utilization as of late is a good sign because I haven't seen you use such for a very long time. Please do feel free to correct me IF my observation and interpretation is off the mark.

Radiant Healing and Glorious Recovery to You Luc!

BTW, I think it's important for you to know that at this very moment I'm sitting here eating a small handful of almonds. I thought this was a critical detail that needed to be brought forward at this time. (lol). At the very least, my announcement should distract your mind for a second or two. (lol)

Samsara

[Sheila]

I noticed that in some of your recent posts you've utilized the "LOL" acroynm....Please keep in mind though that I'm not implying that your mind is dancing with delight....BTW, I think it's important for you to know that at this very moment I'm sitting here eating a small handful of almonds. I thought this was a critical detail that needed to be brought forward at this time.

LOL....really

[Samsara]

lol....really

lol!

[Luc]

I so much hope so, folks. Maybe the "lolling" sees the window opening soon. Let us all stay the course, and even if we're not yet fully-hatched lols, we'll all eventually be.

[Luc]

In about 10 days' time I'm starting my 4th year off of Paxil (plus 6 months off of Xanax c/t). Yes, it's better than in early WD. Yes, I believe in the 100% healing eventually happening somewhere down the road. Yet I found this stage of WD utterly bizzare - it's what Stan wrote in one of his threads - seems like some of the emotions that stayed dormant for years on end b/c of the drugs are very slowly starting to surface, and the predominant feeling (apart from the symptoms) is this piercing sadness. I catch myself telling myself at least a hundred times a day, "I just want to be normal". But we still need to be patient. Hang in there, folks!