Angies withdrawhell journal

[angie007]

LUC,

My friend, i remember you so well from another forum, im so sorry your having a rough time, and thank you for your warm welcome here, its very much
appreciated, i wish you all the best and hope you find some relief really soon. x

[stan]

thoughts, almost always centred around death and dying is pretty scary , in my head i mentally feel like im going insane sometimes, if anyone can

after one year off i have catched nocturia(peeing each hour), today often each two hours (it is better), peeing is often a problem because antidepressants play on" muscles lisses"in french , i do not know the exact english word, it means muscles of bladder which are different from legs muscles;
at three years my thoughts regularly center as yours, to stop them i accept death as normal, and the insane mad, because i live alone i thought, all this is the trauma; my mad situation makes me feel as if i am in a coma or a dream and not living, that all around me is not real; but i try to not stay long in this to not become insane

[Sheila]

Aww, Angie, it’s just w/d. Nothing to be ashamed of. We’re all poopin’ and peein’ and barfin’ and more!!

I’ve had urethral spams that are very uncomfortable. Feels kind of like a UTI, if you’ve ever had one of those – like you have to pee even if your bladder is empty. I’ve also had muscle spasms in every muscle in my body at one point or another. I wouldn’t be surprised if you had a spasm episode in the night.

It’s really important to be kind to yourself. You have done nothing wrong. I think you would be very compassionate to one of us if we told you the same story, right? You’re sick, and you’re healing. That’s all.

Re: the thoughts of death, each of us seems to have our own theme of what we get fixated on in w/d, but death is a common one. It's definitely neurological stuff making you go to a distressing theme and then get stuck there. This will get better all by itself with time.

[angie007]

Thanks guys for your support, i thought this stuff got easier the further away you got, i dont know, maybe im expecting too much too soon.
I went to get the kids there easter eggs this morning, my head has felt weird for a few days now, and i could feel the anxiety ramp when i stepped into the store, people running around going mad,
trolley loads of food, as if the shops were closing for weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The anxiety ramped up badly, i managed to drive home, and felt like i was going to faint from the anxiety, so far it hasnt happened, but have to admit, my appetite is a little non existent today,
although i have managed to cram some things down.

Im happy to tell you that iv had no further problems with wet beds for NOW, but im very aware and wake up constantly checking myself and the bed, and have reduced my fluid intake after tea time
hopefully that will be enough to ensure it doesnt happen again, id have been mortified if my husband had been aware of what had happened.

[angie007]

How much more time has to pass before i can live a normal life again?? is that even possible after my long term use??
So sick of crying and feeling like crap, and having to pretend to be " normal" in front of family and friends, is so hard, when your feeling far from it.

[BabblingBrooke]

Hi Angie ~
I'm sorry you're having such a tough time - I mentioned on SA that I had a couple of close calls and yesterday was reading a bit about diurnal patterns and found some correlation between cortisol (high) and urination - I'm sorry I dont have the scientific reference handy but when I read that it made sense of the loss of control and the dysautonomia we're experiencing - the circadian and diurnal patterns are fascinating to me-
I usually find a good bit on Wikipedia but prefer to check it out with scientific sources prior to posting -
I'm overwhelmed by supermarkets also - the DP/DR is heightened and so anxiety-producing along with the fluorescent lights -
I hope you have a wonderful Easter ~

[redroo]

Hi Angie and welcome to the forum. Don't be so hard on yourself we are all human after all and things like this happen to us all. Sorry your having such a hard time.

[Cosette123]

Hi Angie! Welcome to the forum! I so well remember you on the other forum because I often read your posts.
We all are on the same boat with up and down symptomes and sometimes events which make us depressed and :or anxious again.Like you was told ,it's just Withdrawal.
After 4 years off Paxil(Cold turkey) I still have bad symptomes which come back but less intensively .I sometimes lose hope but I always find a great support and friendship here.

[Luc]

Angie, there's absolutely no doubt you will heal. I know how bad it sometimes gets, but every time you're in the thick of it, just tell yourself that it's only temporary, and that the next day, or even hour, may put a completely different complexion on it. Step by step you will get there.

[stan]

How much more time has to pass before i can live a normal life again?? is that even possible after my long term use??
So sick of crying and feeling like crap, and having to pretend to be " normal" in front of family and friends, is so hard, when your feeling far from it.

i regularly ask myself about the frame time to feel "normal" again; you have done your job:taper slowly over years, reach 0 mg, and now wait repairing(Aeroman (and others)said we cannot speed the healing); when i try to walk which is difficult for me, since the months, i notice that my efforts don't help much the recovering, only time works; but i will try to walk anyway as long as i live;
many told me we speak in months and years with these poisons
and keep in mind that after 10 years taken, we are survivor, many are swallowing and even do not know what is happening them ;
one of our problem is the deny of doctors but also our environment to not understand our state;
with time i speak less and less from my state, i only say i have nervous problems;