Sheila’s path through the dark, terrifying, magical, magnificent woods

[Iggy131313]

You will have it until the day you are healed, and then I will be clinging onto you crying shouting help me help me!! lol

oh, and you will have my support once you are healed too, it wont be a case of ''oh shes better now, time to drop her like a stone!!''

Its criminal that you were on both, and how strange that you went up and down, I wonder what was happening?

So you were on a combo of 50mg, 30 of paxil and 20 prozac? it makes me so angry, but we have to let the anger go, Im quite good at that, I have noticed that things that are thought provoked I can work with and let go, its the free floating stuff I cant resolve, because theres nothing to work on...the only problem I have is with the belief that I will not heal...I need to try and work on that so it doesnt effect my healing, I must believe it can and will happen for me.

So with the prozac you went down to 10mg and then CTed at 10mg? You did what was recommended to you and what you thought was best, it most certainly was not your fault and in a way apart from the drug companies it was no one elses either, we are victims but who is the criminal who has put us here? The drug companys for sure, not the Drs, they thought they were 'helping' I do remind myself that its not my Drs fault even though Im angry she doesnt believe me still, grrrrr.

Im sending you over some seriously strong healing vibes, I mean SUPER strength, use them with caution!!

[Sheila]

Ah, Iggy, that’s very loving of you. And thank you for your anger on my behalf – that feels good.

What I’m going through is still grueling, but I have improved significantly since the begining, so why wouldn’t I continue to improve? The feet have been a wrench in the works, but there was a silver lining to to that too, since it has opened my mind to consideration of toxic build-up in some of us long-termers, and I was really cosmically guided to a chiropractor who suggested this was going on when it had never crossed my mind.

I was *also* on Buspar briefly during that period. Add to that dextromethorphan which I took for what, in retrospect, I think was Paxil flu, and it’s no wonder I had a moderate serotonin syndrome episode. Moderate in the sense that I didn’t die, but not moderate in the experience of it – scariest thing that ever happened to me, I prepared to die. Moral of this cautionary tale, mes chers? Do not take too many serotonergic substances at the same time!

Yes, I stopped the Prozac at 10 mg.

I think that’s great you’re trying to feel some forgiveness for your doctor. Now, I’m nore angry at her than you are!

And it’s really, really great you’re working assiduously on your belief that you won’t heal.

Ha ha! I’de better take your super healing vibes on slowly. You know I have to not make any sudden changes!

[Sheila]

When last we heard an overview from the heroine of this particular descent experience, it was mid-2011, and she was inching her way through il Purgatorio, with slowly increasing glimpses of il Paradiso. It is now time for another overview.


In mid-2011, things were moving forward and looking promising.

2012 was not a good year. Ironically, this was partly due to my getting better, which I will explain below. Although I continued to get better very slowly emotionally and cognitively during 2012, I got worse physically. My feet became very painful, burning hot, the skin burnt, splitting, with eruptions with fluid in them. And this, in turn, took a toll on my ability to sleep and exercise.

My feet have had a lot to say throughout w/d. During the serotonin episode of February 2004, they poured off a cold sweat. During the early post-taper, they were freezing cold from the inside. No amount of clothing could warm them. Later, the feet warmed up, and the ankles were freezing cold. Later still, the feet started to become too hot in the summers when I lay down. This got progressively worse, and they stayed hot even in the winter of 2011/2012. Spring 2012 is when they became really sick.

I had been wearing a cheap cervical collar much of the time for about three years in order to combat the chronic tightening of my muscles from head to toe. At the end of 2011, I felt well enough to leave it off. In retrospect, I think this allowed my muscles to tighten more and this contributed to my foot problems. Many years of w/d-induced muscle tension was probably causing some kind of spinal nerve compression.

But, I didn’t make the connection between the cervical collar and my feet at first, and, I also think there were other factors contributing to the foot problems. So, first I decided to taper off the ¼ tablet of benadryl that I had become dependent on in the previous few months, and now felt well enough to do without. I did this by going down by 1/16th of a tablet at a time, and I had w/d from it.

I also decided I needed to taper off the one cup of raspberry leaf tea I had been taking for a long time to help with estrogen fluctuations from both PMS and then menopause. My thinking was that the foot problems might be at least partly hormonal. I also didn’t seem to need it any more. I also did this taper slowly and had w/d from it.

Removing these substances didn’t really do anything for my feet, so I finally went to see a chiropractor in September 2012, who agreed I might have some pinching of nerves in my spine, but also thought I was showing signs of toxic build-up in my feet. I was convinced by him, and started doing an ultra-slow detox – something I was not autonomically in good condition to do, but had to for my feet – by taking a low dose of plant-based digestive enzymes twice a day on an empty stomach. I immediately started having detox symptoms, some of which were utterly different from the many years of w/d symptoms I was familiar with. Detox made me very tired and interfered with my sleep.

[Sheila]

Interlude -- Sheila’s history of Omega-3

Here is something I posted on pp in September 2009 –

I have been taking 1200 mg EPA / 600 mg DHA since early in my post-taper, so late 2005, or early 2006. I intuitively credited it with lifting me out of the suicidal depression I felt late 2005 - early 2006. However, I might have come out of that phase anyway, even without the fish oil, since that was the infamous 5-9 month period.

Recently, though, I had a surprising experience. I went down on my fish oil in mid-August 2009 as an experiment to see whether it was contributing to my still bad chronic anxiety. I then proceeded to get much worse, and became suicidal again, for the first time since early 2006. After two weeks, I reinstated my usual dose of fish oil and felt better within 15 minutes. Coincidence? Placebo?

It was shocking enough, that I have decided to try going up on my fish oil to see if even more is even better. I bought a low-dose capsule that has 120 EPA / 80 DHA so I could go up slowly.





So, from September 2009 to January 2010, I slowly updosed by 200 mg EPA/DHA until I reached 4600. I got mild emotional improvement and more cognitive improvement. I also saw a huge increase in synchronicities, and a smaller increase in precognitions, and clairvoyant dreams, and intuition.

[Sheila]

And now, back to 2012.

In November 2012, I switched to a new chiropractor, and this one reminded me of something I knew but had forgotten – that there is a lot of research suggesting that around 9,000 mg of Omega-3 is effective for neurological and severe psychological problems. I had been at 4600 mg since January 2010, and had hoped that a medium dose for a longer time would eventually have the same effect as a higher dose. But, here it was three years later and the initial benefit I had gotten from 4600 was not progressing, or at least not keeping up with the damaging effects of being in w/d for so long.

And this is the main discovery – that people who are in w/d for a long time (I mean many, many years post-taper), especially if they are middle aged or older, are more likely to get stuck in their recovery or get sicker. The intial neuro-endocrinological damage caused by the drugs, if it doesn’t self-repair fast enough, can cause secondary ailments to develop. This is what my feet taught me, because they didn’t become a problem until many years after my last SSRI dose, and this despite a very diligent healing regimen. But, I was getting well too slowly and several things happened – chronic muscle tension caused new problems, chronic hormone imbalance or neuropathy may have caused problems, and my liver probably wasn’t keeping up and my body became more toxic – at least in some ways. It may have become less toxic in other ways.

This is definitely not going to be true of everybody. In fact, it only applies to older people who have been in w/d many years. And, even then it doesn’t apply to all of them. It will only apply to a handful of people. It’s a question of how fast you get well. If you progress at a certain pace, you will get well without doing anything. But, people who progress too slowly may develop secondary ailments. Now, even these people will still heal 100%, but they will need to *do* things in order to heal. Such as take high dose Omega-3. The issue is not whether you will get well or not, but whether you can get away with the old protocol of doing nothing or whether you have to do something.

So, starting in November 2012, I decided to updose slowly to 9000 mg Omega-3. I reached that goal at the end of February 2013. In conjunction with the digestive enzymes, and the chiropractic adjustments every three weeks, I saw defnite improvement cognitively, emotionally, and (more slowly) physically. To my surprise, I also started having more synchronicities, intuitions, and big ideas coming to me out of the blue.

But! I believe I “broke through” the Omega-3 dose I was on, and I slowly went downhill in March and April. I don’t think it was enough for my condition. So, I did more research, corresponded with Michael Lewis (the one doing cutting edge work with TBI and Omega-3), and decided to updose further. Again, I have started to feel better emotionally, and to progress physically. I see lots of changes, but it’s slow, and I have the detox complicating things, and I still have a ways to go.

I’m currently at 12,600 mg EPA + DHA. I will continue assess my status and updose slowly. I’ll keep reporting on the results.

[Luc]

What a long way it's already been, Sheila, but what great improvement there has happened even if it's taken so much time. The WD's Rubik's Cube... Two clicks forward, one click back, but the average being always on our side... You're doing all you can to help your body heal as quick as possible. And the time will come when all will be one "flow of happy thoughts" for you. The more so as it's not only us healing from WD, but the entire planet doing it too - the Awakening we talk about so often on the forum. You're doing fantastic job. Thank you for this update!

Ps Talking of the Rubik's Cube, according to the newest DSM, we could be suffering from Compulsive Hoarding - our main activity is our intense collecting the "improvement pieces". :)

[Iggy131313]

thanks so much for the update sheila, Im glad you have something in your arsenal now to fight this w/d beast - omega 3!!

i would love to hear what Michael Lewis had to say about our situation....did he recommend you go to 18,000? I have seen you mention that number.

Im so sorry that you have and continue to be so poorly, to think that you were trying to comfort me during a time you had slipped downhill yourself, it breaks my heart.

[stan]

be careful to not fall in overdose, example, too much water and we can die

[Iggy131313]

especially if you cant swim :)

sheila have you ever tried the whey protien? can you tolerate it? its meant to be very good for toxic build up?

[mona]

My god Sheila, I just read your story and am astounded by the pain you've gone through. Can't comprehend how you've survived let alone become an incredable advocate and support for the other damaged souls out here. You have my respect and many thanks and hope for your continued healing.