Hi Folks,

Glad to have found a place to be able to understand and express the journey off antidepressants.

After trying numerous meds, I finally was able to take Remeron. All others created such horrible side effects, I was unable to continue with them. Before this, I'd tried many natural supplements, which all worked somewhat for awhile, and then quit. At the time I went on Remeron (about 8 years ago), I'd had some version of insomnia for almost 17 years. The first night I took R, I slept through the night for the first time in many, many years. Plus, after a few days, I started to actually feel some enjoyment and began to look forward to things. The only side effect was being more sleepy, which at the time was not a bad thing.

But the drug, just like everything else, started not being effective and I went from 15 mg. to 22.5..eventually to 30 mg. and finally to max dose of 45. In the midst of the last several increases, I went through many difficult things in my life--serious, life changing car accident, death of my mother, diagnosis of diabetes, severe arthritis, asthma, then the illness and death of my partner, both cats, and 2 close friends...all within the past 5 years.

I talked to my doctor about going down on the R and he agreed it was worth a try. For some reason, he doesn't like this drug and has often suggested alternatives. However, he gave zero direction on how to do it. I'd read it was important to go slowly, so am doing my best with that. 6 weeks ago, I tapered from 45mg. to 37.5. I had some nausea, dizziness, headaches and anger...but not too bad. After 3 weeks, I went down to 30 mg. Side effects have been more severe with this change, especially with pretty bad insomnia most nights. There's more obsessive, negative thinking than I've had in many years....the physical symptoms are not as bad with this 2nd drop.

I purposely waited for summer to make this plunge, because I suffer from SAD in the winter... and also waited past the 1st year since my partner's death. I know I'm still grieving and the symptoms can easily be taken for that, along with the med withdrawal.

Over the years, I've tried repeatedly to take fish oil but it actually makes me throw up. Maybe it has to do with having a vegetarian diet. I do flax oil, which may not be as good, but it's what I can take. Before I started withdrawal, I began doing qi gong (like Tai Chi, but much easier to learn). I do between 30 and 90 minutes a day of that. I think it helps enormously with both physical and emotional side effects. It's a combination of physical exercise and meditation. When I start feeling down or thinking obsessively, I get up a do a few minutes and it instantly shifts my mood. I also do daily guided imagery, which I'd been doing for several years. It helps me fall asleep and also go back to sleep, when I wake in the middle of the night. It's also helped through the grief and changes. Not sure I would have survived without it. I use a SAD light in the winter, and have used it a few times during withdrawal...seems to smooth my mood out a bit.

I'm taking ativan maybe once a week, just so I can have 1 decent night of sleep. I've used them occasionally like this in the past and never had any problem with side effects or stopping them. My naturopath gave me a couple of different bottles of homeopathy..so far, neither has had a lot of impact. Lack of sleep is really the main problem at this point...and would love to have something that would help more with that.

Realize I'm rambling all over the place here...I can't blame med withdrawal...my brain has been like this more or less since my partner died last year...

J