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Thread: My Life is in Danger

  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2012

    My Life is in Danger

    I am sorry to post this way, but I am feeling absolutely overwhelmed by this tragic event in my life.

    I have such a terrible sense of loss, dispair and fear, that I can't take it anymore.

    I have lost everything that has meaning for me or to anyone: I have lost my sleep, my sexuality is very impaired, I am a singer and I've lost my voice...I have money problems, there is no joy in my life, but anxiety,fear and profound sadness.

    This is no life; at least not for me.And the idea that this nightmare will last for years is just to much.

    I don't want to die, but I don't want to "live" like this.I don't.

    I am a 60 yrs old man, my life hasn't been good because of emotional problems, and now this...I think about death 24/7

    I am sorry
    150mgs Effexor for 4 years 2008-2012 for situational Major Depression. No AD before
    Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months / last dose July 26th/2012 aprox.
    Acute W/D first 1-2 months
    Protracted W/D since then and slowly recovering.
    Main symptoms: Anxiety, Insomnia,Anhedonia.
    April 9th- 20th SEVERE DEPRESSION.
    11 months off.Slowly improving

  2. #2
    Founder Sheila's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Northern California
    Alex – You are tapering the benzo, yes? So, that will unfortunately make your sleep more fragile during the taper. And it will exacerbate your AD wd. Maybe you have to stop tapering it.

    Remember, you’ve been having lots of progress during the days. And your sexuality was doing well just recently! Your life is going to be up and down for awhile. It’s extremely hard and very disheartening on the down parts, but you just have to wait and it will change again. And overall, it will get better and better.

    Do *not* think about your life, your past, your future, or anything when you are in a low time. Just be as compassionate to yourself as you can, take more rest, and distract yourself with anything interesting or uplifting. It will get better again.
    Meds free since June 2005.

    "An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one's own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space."
    -- Holger Kalweit

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Washington State
    Sheila is right, don't judge your past in your present state. I too look back and find it hard to see the positive in my past life. It's one of the horrors of w/d, it changes your perception of past, present and future. I think being older makes it more difficult because our future is already shorter. However we may still have 25 or 30 more good years out there and the one year off mark is often a bad time. I know this may take a long time for us, but I do believe things will improve albeit slowly. Besides, if your past was not all you wanted you'll need the future to make it right.

    Do you have close friends or family to help you through this? It really is about just enduring one day at a time and those days will add up and we will begin to see a difference.

    sending healing vibes

    10;mg PAXIL 12 YEARS
    C/T June 2012

  4. #4
    Senior Member biscotaki's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Oooh Alex,
    So many times you came to me, to offer your support and encouragement ..You helped me so much ..!
    Please take some time, and be gentle and kind to you ..So many people care and love you, and want you to succeed in
    this battle ..We are in this together ..When one of us hurts the other comes running ..And we rejoice when one of us pulls to the top. It is not an easy journey, but we must travel it, to find the other side.
    So please hang in there ..Do as Luc says .. keep walking ...One step at a time ..
    Thinking of you, and praying for your well being. Biscotaki

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Seattle, WA
    Hi Alex,

    I don't think I've posted in your journal before but I have read your entries and wanted to join the others in saying how sorry I am you are feeling this way. You had posted some positive changes recently so please do not despair - you are healing, things will not always be this way. I know how hard it is to sense this though when in the thick of things so we have to rely on those who have gone before us and come out the other side - this will happen for you too. I think Sheila made a good point about the benzo tapering - maybe hold off on that for now as this could be contributing to how you are feeling, what you are going through. I hope you get some relief soon.
    2006 Rx'd Cymbalta for approx 1 yr. WD after 4 mos - didn't realize was WD,took Zoloft and Klonopin; tapered K. Spring 2012 experienced major WD symptoms while tapering Zoloft; tried to updose but no relief, back on K 1 mg. Switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to Citalopram. Finished Zoloft 1/13; now on Citalopram 35 mg and 1 mg Klonopin. Started to experience withdrawal symptoms from switch (?) approx. 3 months after finished Zoloft (4/13). Now at 35 mg and hoping to start slow taper

  6. #6
    Junior Member Davka's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Alex, I just walked in the door and my cat is yelling for attention and I have to take care of a few things here. I was checking for voice mails (online) and for some reason took a quick look on IAWP and saw this.

    I'm very concerned about you and I have some things I want to suggest, especially if you're tapering a benzo. In a little while I'm going to read up on some of your other posts to be more familiar with your situation. I'll post soon and hope what I post will be helpful to you.

    I'm not sure if you're in any immediate danger right now. That concerns me. If you are, please call or be with someone where you'll be safe. I mean it. Call a suicide help line if necessary. If you're tapering anything right now, you might need to change your taper a little so you don't feel bad like this.

    What are you tapering right now, and have you tapered off anything else recently? And what dose are you on and what is your taper schedule?

    I'll be back very soon. Don't give up!
    I'll write a signature when I can. In the meantime, if you're wondering why I have the nerve to act like I know everybody lol, you can read my crazy intro post here:

    Oh, shucks. I can't find a button to turn that into a clickable link. Hey, Stan (Mr. Computer Man!) - how can I do that?

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    alex, I was put on Lorazapam for 3 months quite a while ago. Did a quick taper myself, during that time I know that I called a suicide helpline atleast 3 or 4 times, so what you are going through is perfectly normal. I've been there, I can see what is going on with you right now. It's par for the course in coming off this awful stuff, I was awake all night and had severe symptoms too. Just hold on, I promise with all my heart that it will get better soon. Do you have friends, family, you can talk too maybe? Thinking of you alex, I've been in the same place, it's hard, very hard, but please keep going. Keep updating us. Hugs and love, praying for a window for you. Xxxxxxxxx

  8. #8
    Junior Member Davka's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Alex, I've read many of your older posts. (Unfortunately I know only very little Spanish. But I've read enough of your posts to make some suggestions.)

    If you have not changed your xanax or any other dose in any way, this might be a wave, and those always get better and then go away entirely!

    If you have started tapering the xanax (or any other med) recently - or if you're switching from xanax to another med - that could definitely cause you to feel worse like this.

    From what I read, you have gotten off effexor and have been improving. That is a big accomplishment!

    But I know a lot about benzodiazepines (like xanax), and I am finding that when people go off SSRIs or SNRIs or other psych meds, they almost always have to wait a while before tapering benzos or other psych meds. If they are anxious to be off all meds and taper the next one (usually a benzo) too soon, they have problems. These problems don't need to happen!

    First of all, if I were you, I would not taper another med this soon after effexor w/d.

    And if you are having problems with the xanax, I do NOT recommend the Ashton Method! Too many people have needless problems using the Ashton method. Many people are finding better ways to taper. That is true with tapering off and also with switching from one benzo to another. I can explain more, if you're interested. There is a little good information in the Ashton manual, but most of it is outdated and there are better ways to do things.

    If you recently (recent months) started tapering or switching any med, I think you should go back to your previous dose. Don't take a higher dose! Take the dose your body is used to, and then stabilize on that.

    You will be able to get off benzos, I'm quite sure. But this probably is not the right time!
    I'll write a signature when I can. In the meantime, if you're wondering why I have the nerve to act like I know everybody lol, you can read my crazy intro post here:

    Oh, shucks. I can't find a button to turn that into a clickable link. Hey, Stan (Mr. Computer Man!) - how can I do that?

  9. #9
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Alex, you have been improving, and you will keep imporving, all is not lost, give it a little more time, you are doing so so well.

    listen to davka, maybe its too soon to be tapering the benzo.

    stay strong.


    Put on citalopram July 2009 during a physical illness - didnt need it. 40mg
    went down to 20mg July 2010 CT in Jan 2012 - 2.5 years on.
    Tried to restart July 2012 due to 1 panic attack (never had one before - start of CT W/D) - adverse reaction
    Down to 1.5mg from the failed RI
    Now at 0.48 and trying to stabalize - been 6 weeks
    now have SEVERE anxiety, akathsia, feel like Im on acid 24/7 depression, D/P, signed off work. Scared of everything..please God let me heal from this

  10. #10
    Founder stan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    when too difficult, put you in 'survive' mode, taking care of the basic until you feel better
    12 years paxil(9 years only 10 mg) - cold turkey(1,5 month) and switch celexa tapered 1 year 20 mg
    62 years old - for GAD - 4 years 3 months meds free [since april 2009]

    vegetables soup - orange (vit C) - curcuma - some meat or fish

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