Thank you ALL good and brave people;
I am not in immediate danger right now; it is just that it's hard to find meaning for my life right now.
I have this obsession with death, not exactly aout killing myself, but with death.Fear, and obsessive fear.
I see "normal" people in the street and I keep comparing myself with them, and always come up short.I know this is stupid, but I can't help it.
I feel so vulnerable, isolated, sad.My thoughts shift from hope to dispair and have lost the sense of waves and windows...I don't know what is going on anymore.
I can't stop thinking what my life is going to be from now on: severely handicaped and not been able to live, to travel, to sing, to love..it is a tragedy indeed.
I always thought that tragedies only happened to other people, and now I am part of one of the most cruel ones.
Regarding the meds, yes I am very concerned and confused about the benzo, b/c even though I've try to keep the minimmum dose possible, Iv'e read so many dreadful things about getting hooked, and then have to deal not only with ssris w/d but benzo... it is to damn complicated and scary!
I have been taking med. just to help me sleep, at bed time only;during the day I don't take anything, I think I've become an expert dealing with anxiety...
And yes I've done changes in order to get off med. and help my system to heal better.
I tapered off 12.5mg Seroquel that I was taking together with Xanax at bed time; it was a small dose and I think I came off fine.This tapering I did it for the last lets say 4 months.Now I am at 0.25mg Xanax bedtime only.My sleep is very broken, but I feel is more natural.
Some nasty symptoms like panic attacks and dysphoria are gone, and anxiety and stress intolerance are getting better.
Depression is not so "organic", but all this ordeal does not help
I feel this "allien" chemical thing that is awful.
My "girlfriend" left me again and now she found somebody else...I can't let my ego put me down on this one, but I can' help feeling very bad.She is living her life, and I am here, half dead.This is so tough, my good friends; I think all the time if getting off the AD, even with all the consecuences was a good idea.
ThANK YOU ALL AGAIN
