really need advice about this

[mona]

Caroline, if one in 100 women have this it can't be that horrible or women would be killing themselves right and left. This is wd talking. Breathe deep. Its gonna be ok.

[Iggy131313]

trust me Mona, its awful, its worse than akathisia, well it IS akathisia but concentrated in the genetals, today I have also had burning pain in my genitals (another sure symptom) imagine what that feels like, that sensation of akathisia in your genitals and in a massive way, and its 24/7....that Dr says 1 in 100 because so many women dont come forward about it or understand what is happening to them, and I guess many do kill themselves.

I dont know what to do, its torture now and I think its gonna get alot worse, its already getting worse everyday, today I have had lower back pain (symptom) genital burning (symptom) and an intense all day long pressure/arousal that is TOTALLY unwanted, and not sexual at all, even though it feels that way.

tonight I am going to lay down and plan my death, but the symptoms get even worse at night (symptom)

I have this, everything I read, even the stuff I didnt know about before I have, and its forever, all the advice is about learning to live with it, but I cannot, anyway, theres no use is there, im sorry, i will leave the forum for a while as what Im dealing with is not the same anymore, yes its been caused by the drugs, but this isnt something that time will heal, this is a progressive and permenant condition that is going to get worse and worse until I end my life, women on the forums have had it for 20, 30 years with no resolution or relief, I have no idea how they are still alive, and neither have they, they hate their life and know there is no cure.

and ''doing something about'' the feeling only brings 10 seconds relief before its back and even worse (symptom, meaning for sure its pgad) there are 5 criteria to have a diagnosis and I have them all in spades.

this is no longer a withdrawal issue, like I say yes caused by the drug, but nor curable, or treatable, progressive, my worst nightmare, and I didnt even know, my life is just one massive disaster, I wish I had never been born.

[Iggy131313]

im so confused, I have all the symptoms and they are unremitting but I have just read through my messages with the person who posted about having it for 7 yaers on SA.....I Pmed her to ask if it had improved over the 7 years at all, she messaged me back and asked if I had it too, this was my reply to her

no, I dont think I have this, although if I do get aroused it does continue for a long time, if I have sex once then the feeling of arousal lasts all day but I dont think I have it as severe, I have many many other symptoms from the ssri withdrawal, but not this particular one.

1 week later, well 6 days later this is the message that I have just sent her

Hi, I definitly do have this, Im too scared to joing the support site as I think it will scare me even more....can you tell me about how your symptoms have tamed pver the years?

also, the dr you are working with, you say he thinks he maybe onto a cure? this is surely nerve damage? so the only cure could be something that regenerates nerve damage and there is nothing that does that is there?

I am feeling very suicidal about this, the fact there is no hope, and I dont know what to do

I so badly want to belive that this is psychosomatic, but it cant be, the sensations are so strong and I am having all the symptoms, also its caused by ssris, sometimes when Im out and not thinking about it, its the sensationt hat causes the anxiety and not the other way around, right now I have burning pain in my genitals and thats not psychosomatic, I think what has happened is that reading about it has made me realise that I am experiencing this, and highteneed my awareness of it yes, before I probably wouldnt have related it to withdrawal, although the sensations are strong now, really strong, so perhaps I would have been talking about this even if I hadnt read about it, I suspect I would, I dont think its psychosomatic, its not, see even now when Im trying to convince myself I dont have it, my genitals are burning and I have that pressure/pain/arousal feeling so strong, also it cant be a coincidence that this feeling has replced the akathsia, I had maybe 2 days of no akathisia feeling and now have this, which is basically the same, but worse in a way.

[mona]

Whatever is going on with you is still wd related so you mustn't leave us. We'll support you no matter. How about posting on pp and see if anybody there has had this but make it a calm post.

[Sheila]

Aww, sweetie, I’m really sorry you’re in a new depth of hell. I am very certain that this is a neuro-obsession – which you cannot control.

Even if you did have this disorder, the fact is that there is *always* a range of presentations with any disorder – a bell curve – with some people recovering quickly and spontaneously, some in the middle, and some having a harder time.

Even if some people have the worse version of this disorder, we are *always* learning more, especially about how to with help neurological disorders.

Everyone is giving you great advice. Go re-read Stan’s post #13.

Lastly,

i dont even feel I fit in on the withdrawal forums now becasue I have this other terrible condition. I feel alone and ashamed.

This is key. Something deep inside of you has gotten activated by w/d. This feeling of shame is being brought up from the depths and cleansed.

Absolutely, you belong here. You are not alone. We are all somewhat similar and somewhat different. Each one of us has unique issues we don’t have in common with anyone else. And each one of us has shame. Let’s all celebrate our differentness. I’m going to post something I read from Anita Moorjani, whom I really like, in Spirit.

[Sheila]

I'm not a naturally motivated person, its only since the w/d and the bad times that I have realised how lucky I was to be healthy before all this started, and how much time I have wasted doing not a lot with my life. This gives me the motivation I need now.

Wow, hermi! Super!

[shel]

I have to say Iggy, in reading your postings about this condition, it makes me more aware of this area of my body too but then I don't concentrate on it anymore. I really think you are over concentrating on this area of your body now that you are aware of this condition. You haven't said anything about having this pain in any of your other posts. You even said that you did not have this pain/sensation prior to reading about the condition but now you are convinced you have it. You are in a highly anxious state which will convince you that you have things you don't have. I once had really horrible back pain that got worse when I was in the shower - I then was looking up causes of back pain and read that a type of back pain that worsens with heat can be a sign of MS. I started panicking that I had MS. I think we are all highly anxious in WD and therefore very sensitive and suggestible when it comes to health stuff. Maybe this is because our bodies no longer feel like they are in our control as WD takes over our minds and bodies in a way that is frightening so we can imagine other things taking over too, if that makes any sense. Please please try to focus on something else. It sounds like if you weren't thinking about this you'd be feeling really well from what you wrote - maybe try to focus on everything that is feeling good right now, things that haven't felt good for you in such a long while and enjoy that feeling.

[mona]

My husband has twice suggested that rather than withdrawal this could be the beginning of Alzheimer's. If I believed him I'd be fighting with you for the razor blade.

[Iggy131313]

thanks everyone for advce, however alzeimers, ms all known withdrawal lies, withdrawal symptoms that are not the reality and noever caused by ssris.

what I have is a known srri damage, and its not the thinking about it anymore, its the very real sensations, today I have stabbing pains and pressure/arousal in that area but feel no true arrousal, its horrible, so awful....and yes shel I would be focusing on feeling better in other areas, but its cold comfort now when this is so intense its just as bad if not worse a severything else, and of course my anxiety is out of control about it too.

but I can cope with the NXIETY, iM USED to the anxiety, and could at least repeat to myself that it would go away one day...this will not

I had a reply from the Dr whoo sees 20 women a year with this in london, he says spontanius healing is not possible, that certain medications may help 9THEY ARE ALL adS SO THATs not possible) and in some women it has been known to slightly decrease after ,anmy many yaers but never reolve.

im more scared than I have ever been and have retreated inside myself, I wont talk to anyone, i cant tell anyone about this, I will tell them in my suicide note when Im dead in the hope that they will understand after that...and its no good saying Freddie will never get over it/never forgive me etc, I will never learn to live in pain and discomft and shame for the rest of my life, I must free myself, I must find peace

[Needinghelp]

Iggy, i am very very concerned about you. Do you have a therapist? I really do think you need to talk to someone, face to face. It might not take the pain away (I know) but it will keep you safe. Please dont hurt yourself. Im not sure about the disorder you are talking about, i am too scared to read up on it. Keep holding on Iggy, things will get better.