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Thread: Moui's mumblings.....

  1. #11
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    how long have you been on that dose M?

    I have no suggestions about the pdoc, I mean, its all very one flew over the cukoos nest, the harder you try to proove that your not insane, the more insane you appear....criminal
    Put on citalopram July 2009 during a physical illness - didnt need it. 40mg
    went down to 20mg July 2010 CT in Jan 2012 - 2.5 years on.
    Tried to restart July 2012 due to 1 panic attack (never had one before - start of CT W/D) - adverse reaction
    Down to 1.5mg from the failed RI
    Now at 0.48 and trying to stabalize - been 6 weeks
    now have SEVERE anxiety, akathsia, feel like Im on acid 24/7 depression, D/P, signed off work. Scared of everything..please God let me heal from this

  2. #12
    Senior Member Moui's Avatar
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    Yeah I know. I'm grateful that I'm functional now so I can make a good presentation, but it shouldn't be like that.. and what I fear is that if this pdoc comes to a conclusion that the drug is irrelevant and if I end up in that place again, my family will turn to this professional and his opinion. Then all they hear me say is just "bla bla I read too much on the internet".

    But this might not happen.. it's just a fear. During todays meeting he thought I should stay on the tiny dose I am on and not do any changes. Not that I plan to.

    11.4 last pain episode (much much much milder than previous severe ones) and start of notepad file @ 1.08mg
    19.4 1.08 to 0.95 (pain thing continued since 11th)
    25.4 0.95 to 0.85
    Beginning of may (confusing notes) 0.85 to 0.75
    25.5 I dropped from 0.75 to 0.65

    Looking like that I may still get the delay.. for me it has been in the 1-2 month range. Well actually the first wd I think I worsened for about 5 months? Then flatlined and worsened a little more and around 8 months after my lowest point started getting better(and then a little worse again+back on drug). But I've never gotten anything noticeable when going from 5 to 2.5 or 2.5 to 2 etc (or the previous big drops 20-10-5, only less side-effects but not the wd symptoms).. I had to make those drops.. too much side-effect.

    Looking at the notes in April theres a lot of 'weird odd sensation,pressure, scooping in my eyes, dizzy, woozy, lethargic, no energy' and more recently it's much better. I wonder how much the sinus issues also play a role.. those got better at the same time when I started being more strict with my diet, in May. And it comes back when I start eating junkfood and grains..pizzas, tortillas. These seem to trigger it and cause more congestion..
    Acceptance. Time. Habit.

  3. #13
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    histamine, that is, I bet you it is....

    so you have been at that dose for 2 months? If it were me I would stay there at least until November, giving it 6 months total and then make another very small cut, have you looked at making your own liquid?

    Yeah its very tough with the family and trusting a Dr etc, but you are doing this just to get therapy right? so really it doesnt matter what he thinks as long as you get the therapy...also your family dont speak to this Dr do they? you can tell your family that he says you are totally right and its protracted withdrawal, how would they know any different?
    Put on citalopram July 2009 during a physical illness - didnt need it. 40mg
    went down to 20mg July 2010 CT in Jan 2012 - 2.5 years on.
    Tried to restart July 2012 due to 1 panic attack (never had one before - start of CT W/D) - adverse reaction
    Down to 1.5mg from the failed RI
    Now at 0.48 and trying to stabalize - been 6 weeks
    now have SEVERE anxiety, akathsia, feel like Im on acid 24/7 depression, D/P, signed off work. Scared of everything..please God let me heal from this

  4. #14
    Senior Member Moui's Avatar
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    For everyone: I haven't mentioned the pain thing on this forum I think. I might copy old posts from PP. This is a reoccurring side effect I've had ever since I went back on for the second time. It started first on 5mg and before I had noticeable sinus issues. Then the pain was more severe.
    In short it seems to happen when I've been on a dose for long. Sharp pain deep in my core.. spine, eyes, brain feels like tiny shards of glass. Heavy chest, 'petrol breath' (chemically taste. not since 2.5), headache.. just painful.. I usually laid down eyes closed and just thought "ow ow ow ow". It would be gone after a nights sleep and start again a few hours after citalopram. A drop in dose always cleared it. I didn't have anything like that in WD either.. physically I've gotten away with very little wd symptoms. Burning skin mainly.. it's psychological torment for me.
    Acceptance. Time. Habit.

  5. #15
    Senior Member Moui's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iggy131313 View Post
    histamine, that is, I bet you it is....

    so you have been at that dose for 2 months? If it were me I would stay there at least until November, giving it 6 months total and then make another very small cut, have you looked at making your own liquid?

    Yeah its very tough with the family and trusting a Dr etc, but you are doing this just to get therapy right? so really it doesnt matter what he thinks as long as you get the therapy...also your family dont speak to this Dr do they? you can tell your family that he says you are totally right and its protracted withdrawal, how would they know any different?
    I've thought about that histamine thing today and for me I can say there is definitely something going on in there. I mean on the 5mg in 2011 like I've mentioned I was so doped out. It's exactly that kind of anthistamine tired, but 10x. I could not keep my eyes open.. Yeah, I'm doing it just for therapy. And honestly as a source of the occasional benzo hopefully, wow makes me sound like a junkie. Not for now but if I get some wd stuff I found them handy for regaining semi-functionality, for important tasks. I guess it doesn't matter.. it's just so wrong that we have to be dishonest about our thoughts. I plan to have one more talk with family and really tell them all of it. I want them to know that there is a possibility for some really rough nasty stuff and I don't want them panicing then if I turn into a basketcase. I want everyone to know to stay the course and cut the talk about institutions and drugs and such, because handling that stuff in that state is a scary thought... you of all people probably know this all too well... I feel so so bad for you.
    Acceptance. Time. Habit.

  6. #16
    Senior Member Moui's Avatar
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    My family doesn't talk to the dr but if they wanted to.. if they thought that I'm too unwell. Also the therapist and the doctor communicate together.. therapist might want to talk with family etc. It's impossible to keep a lie going, and then I would lose all credibility. So now I frame it as = drug change (start, stop) worsened my state and triggered underlying thing, drugs and changes are bad for my cns.

    I have that liquid link bookmarked. I think we are on the same page about the taper.. Idk why I originally thought end of summer/fall. Maybe in fear of that side-effect. Or because I feel good now I might get cocky. I can make one more drop with the scale but then it's either some liquid thing or just go by eye. it's about this size: O (your resolution may vary:)
    Acceptance. Time. Habit.

  7. #17
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    do not rely on your eye, you MUST do the liquid and do careful measruements, for safety and also so you have/feel more control...good stuff, plan in action.
    Put on citalopram July 2009 during a physical illness - didnt need it. 40mg
    went down to 20mg July 2010 CT in Jan 2012 - 2.5 years on.
    Tried to restart July 2012 due to 1 panic attack (never had one before - start of CT W/D) - adverse reaction
    Down to 1.5mg from the failed RI
    Now at 0.48 and trying to stabalize - been 6 weeks
    now have SEVERE anxiety, akathsia, feel like Im on acid 24/7 depression, D/P, signed off work. Scared of everything..please God let me heal from this

  8. #18
    Senior Member Moui's Avatar
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    Neurotics are good at preparing. In case of a zombie apocalypse it's going to be the GADs populating this planet.
    Acceptance. Time. Habit.

  9. #19
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    Hey Moui,

    I wanted to ask you more about the pain you had prior to getting to lower doses of Citalopram. Was it there all of the time? Mine is a constant pain, varying in degrees but there all of the time. :(
    2006 Rx'd Cymbalta for approx 1 yr. WD after 4 mos - didn't realize was WD,took Zoloft and Klonopin; tapered K. Spring 2012 experienced major WD symptoms while tapering Zoloft; tried to updose but no relief, back on K 1 mg. Switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to Citalopram. Finished Zoloft 1/13; now on Citalopram 35 mg and 1 mg Klonopin. Started to experience withdrawal symptoms from switch (?) approx. 3 months after finished Zoloft (4/13). Now at 35 mg and hoping to start slow taper

  10. #20
    Senior Member Moui's Avatar
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    It was not all the time, but started an hour within taking citalopram and peaked at around 3 hours from the dose - I would have to spend the rest of the day eyes closed in bed (I took cit in the morning so whole day pretty much). After sleeping it mostly went away and started again with taking the dose. It was easy for me to put 1+1 together that this was some adverse reaction or side-effect. Also it was not just a headache, it was also in my spine and chest..
    Acceptance. Time. Habit.

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