Moui's mumblings.....

[shel]

Oh my goodness - that sounds awful. I am SO glad that you are feeling better with the reduction of Citalopram. Definitely sounds like an adverse reaction to this med.

[Sheila]

First, it sounds like this is a reasonable psychiatrist who is able to hold that more than one thing can be going on – like that you have your psychological issues *and* that you are sensitive to these drugs. (I love how *we’re* sensitive, not that the drugs are nuclear waste….)

Second, you might think in terms of what I just suggested to theelt re persuading her mother. Sidestep the whole tug-of-war about whether this is “you” or the meds, or pre-existing v. w/d. And just acknowledge it is *both* -- which you are already very good about. You are one of the people who really gets this.

Try saying it that way to your new psychiatrist. And –

Third, one of the ways to make this case is to focus on the bizarre physical symptoms you’re having – symptoms which sound very neurological. Most people who got depressed or anxious because they were bullied when young don’t ever experience the sensation of shards of glass in their brain. (Now, people with a severe psych history might, but any competent mental health professional can see you’re not in that ballpark.) So, try to list all the weird, neuro-sounding physical – and cognitive – symptoms you’re having.

And, as you said, make it clear by the timeline that these symptoms came after exposure to the meds, and they get better as you decrease the meds.

Very funny post #18…

[Moui]

You're rrrrright about that tug of war I know. And people respond better when you give them some of that rope. Works better than foaming at the mouth about poison pills, go figure.

I liked your post in theelts journal about the adverse reaction/side-effect/withdrawal continuum.

[Junior]

Neurotics are good at preparing. In case of a zombie apocalypse it's going to be the GADs populating this planet.

LOL!!!! I love this!! And it's true. Seriously. If it wasn't for GAD, would anyone ever be concerned about things that matter? Like whether the paper clip is correctly placed on the desk? Or whether any of us will ever understand why cats just stand there when you open the door, even though they've been asking to go in/ out? "They" need us.

[Sheila]

Hey, Moui! More data from the quinoa study! :)

We just had an unusually long, intense heat wave here, and I didn’t turn the fridge up because I didn’t think of it until later. But, I noticed the ice cream started to get a bit soft. So, synchronistically / ironically, given that we've been havin gthis discussion,this is the *first* time I have ever had the quinoa start to rot.

I think it’s more delicate than rice. So, fridge temp *is* a variable. QED. :)

[Moui]

Lol Junior, I somehow missed your post earlier.

Sorry for synching your rot, Sheila. How long do you usually find it lasts in the fridge? While we are on the topic of nom noms here is todays dinner, which was more presentable than usual so I decided to snap a picture. I wish I could say I prepared the skewers myself but I just put them in the oven from package.. they were in discount.
Sweet potato (yes, you influenced this), fennel, olive oil, avocado, lettuce, broccoli.



Too bad I didn't take a picture of the bbq I had with a friend on sunday when the steak marinade caught on fire. I guess the oil used in it was very flammable, live and learn.

For the record not much to update.. same mild things (depression, feelings of worthlessness, guilt , anger) on off, still at level I might have had pre-med so yep, hardly worth mentioning. Except I feel a bit like I'm in a cotton cloud. I would say it might be veeery mild derealization except it's a nice feeling and something I link more to the citalopram effect. Today good, feel happy. Sinus issues worsened a bit, which may be due to the fact that I have been eating a bit worse, and less veggies than usual. Also been having tea and chocolate.
Going to start looking for some job and entering the society again, there is no reason for me to be at home now.. if things go to hell then I can retreat.

[Moui]

I just found out today I'm about to become an uncle... you can call me uncle Mo. (no please dont)

[Sheila]

That is one gorgeous dinner! With a very Scandinavian light wood table behind it. When we all feel better we will make an IAWP International Withdrawal Cookbook with meals – and tables – from around the globe….

Oh dear! Too bad about the steak flambé! :)

The quinoa lasted forever until you jinxed it! I dunno, maybe 5 days?

Congrats on your uncle-hood!

So glad you’re feeling better. What are you thinking of in terms of work?

[Moui]

I'm not quite sure what to do about the work thing yet. It's definitely one of my 'big 3' issues. I went on citalopram in 2009 during a time of stress and part of that was related to not knowing my path. Afterwards I've been busy dealing with this ssri-thing (remember I had a bad reaction from beginning) and it's been a survival fight.. This is something some younger people can relate to maybe.. older people struggling with the pills have their own troubles. For me one thing is that I have nothing to return to. I'm meant to be finding my way during this horrible time when I've been most ill suited for it. I tend to lock up and get tense even thinking about it.
Now, I know I could do something easy and uninteresting. Entry level jobs.. and I might even be able to do something like that if my condition worsens, as long as it's not like last summer. On the other hand I have a nagging feeling I should be doing something more, but I'm not sure I feel ready to start studying for university.. especially as I haven't got the slightest clue what exactly.There are things that interest me but I don't feel a calling towards anything. I have all kinds of neural networks and links that get activated when I start thinking about this. I used to be in a band before like I've mentioned and that comes up too "...maybe I should've kept doing that..did I mess up..". We were pretty serious about it at the time, I still hesitate to call it a 'hobby'.. for sure it wasn't something relaxing. I have some friends in the video game industry (no not Rovio) and I think I could get a fun job there as well, not sure if it's my thing but it would be different and interesting. But I'm not sure I want to be in touch with them (lost contact a year ago after the crash) and the atmosphere of that work environment. I know they are pretty flexible with things though, and have a really tight and supporting company. I think it's around 30 people or so. Mainly guys in their 20s and 30s, goofing around, drinking every week. I'm not sure I like that idea.. too much restless energy. Being there in a depressed state sounds frightening. There's also the added weight of knowing 3 of those people and if I had to quit I couldn't just disappear. Therapist thinks even the simple job and getting used to a work routine would be good, and part of me agrees. I'm living with my mother right now and it would be good to get an apartment and such.

I'm glad you enjoyed the table.

[Sheila]

I always think it’s harder in some ways for younger people who haven’t had much of an experience of their identity *before* meds. I imagine that would be very disorienting. It definitely has been grounding to me to have a sense of who I am from 35 years before meds.

OK, so of everything you mentioned, only the band is something you really seem to care about. Do you feel like saying what the other things are that interest you? >>

There are things that interest me but I don't feel a calling towards anything.