Thank you alex but I've been off 13 months with no improvement. Luc, how can feeling so horrible every day be a sign of healing. Others have windows where they can see that things are getting better. I just wake up every day wanting to die, if only I had the courage. I was not a weak person. This is not me, this is some evil being that has taken control of my mind and body. I need an exorcist to get it out.
10;mg PAXIL 12 YEARS
C/T June 2012
Mona, even though I had a semi window yesterday it didnt last and it was probably the same as your better 2 days, honestly.
I wake up everyday wanting to die, I want to die every second of everyday.
you have to keep holding on, keep believing, keep hoping, its all we have
Put on citalopram July 2009 during a physical illness - didnt need it. 40mg
went down to 20mg July 2010 CT in Jan 2012 - 2.5 years on.
Tried to restart July 2012 due to 1 panic attack (never had one before - start of CT W/D) - adverse reaction
Down to 1.5mg from the failed RI
Now at 0.48 and trying to stabalize - been 6 weeks
now have SEVERE anxiety, akathsia, feel like Im on acid 24/7 depression, D/P, signed off work. Scared of everything..please God let me heal from this
To follow up on what Luc said, *all* symptoms of *all* illness are actually the body’s attempts to heal. Take fever, for example. Your symptoms both tell your body where the problem is and are the body’s moves to fix things.
Meds free since June 2005.
"An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one's own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space."
-- Holger Kalweit
Hi Sally,
I am in Seattle! Where are you in WA (no worries if you don't want to answer that)? I haven't even started my taper yet so I know I am in a different position than you but relate to much of what you are going through. I don't know if you've read my story yet but basically I was trying to taper Zoloft over several years, got stuck and out of desperation switched to Celexa and started on Klonopin. I've been trying to stabilize from the switch but haven't noticed much change (finished switch in January). I have lost a lot of weight too as I don't have much appetite and I feel like the anxiety increases our metabolism or something. I force myself to eat but don't really want to eat, have an aversion to food - this is so unlike the real me that loves food. I wanted to introduce myself to a fellow WA resident and let you know that you are not alone. I know you are suffering so this may sound ridiculous but I envy you in that you are off ADs - I have to start all over with yet another slow taper (while not in a very stable place); have lots of fears of that not working yet again. Then I too will have to confront the whole benzo thing. I know we are in different positions but I really relate to how you are feeling, I understand the hopelessness you convey in your messages. I have to believe you will heal as others before you have.
Thinking about you,
Shel.
2006 Rx'd Cymbalta for approx 1 yr. WD after 4 mos - didn't realize was WD,took Zoloft and Klonopin; tapered K. Spring 2012 experienced major WD symptoms while tapering Zoloft; tried to updose but no relief, back on K 1 mg. Switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to Citalopram. Finished Zoloft 1/13; now on Citalopram 35 mg and 1 mg Klonopin. Started to experience withdrawal symptoms from switch (?) approx. 3 months after finished Zoloft (4/13). Now at 35 mg and hoping to start slow taper
So today I get a toothache. Like I needed another problem. The dentist put me on penicillin and dental wash. Now am feeling more sick. Probably the penicillin. I know people have issues with antibiotics in wd. Drank a big glass of kefer.
10;mg PAXIL 12 YEARS
C/T June 2012
Shel – what a kind, supportive message! Yes, being off the meds *is* something to be envied, even though mona can’t *feel* that right now.
Meds free since June 2005.
"An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one's own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space."
-- Holger Kalweit
Yes Sheila, Shel posted a wonderful message and it does give me comfort to know that there is a fellow member just across the sound from me. Like others I have the fantasy on wanting a physical support group. Problem is, it would require me leaving the house lol.
This is such a lonely process yet it has introduced me to people all over the world. I used to love to travel and now I travel by meeting new people on my computer. I have never used chat rooms or anything like that so this hasbeen a totally new experience for me. I hope to get to the point where I can interact more and not just whine all the time. Right... that would mean I was healing.
10;mg PAXIL 12 YEARS
C/T June 2012
I am so glad you found some comfort from my message across the sound. I too have wanted an in person support group - I have tried to find one but have had no luck; it seems odd that there aren't any given how many people are dealing with this issue. It is cool though how the internet has connected all of us across the globe. I have never been too excited about technology or the internet but the support and information I've found on withdrawal has changed my perspective on all of this.
Maybe someday if you are feeling up to a visit, I could meet you in person. I could come to your side so you wouldn't have to travel. It would be so nice to meet someone "live" who is going through this.
BTW, you aren't whining at all - you are just expressing how you are feeling and telling it like it is. It is wonderful we have a place to do that as this is indeed a lonely process otherwise. Also please don't worry about how much you are or aren't interacting, there is no right or wrong. I am just glad you are here!
Michele
2006 Rx'd Cymbalta for approx 1 yr. WD after 4 mos - didn't realize was WD,took Zoloft and Klonopin; tapered K. Spring 2012 experienced major WD symptoms while tapering Zoloft; tried to updose but no relief, back on K 1 mg. Switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to Citalopram. Finished Zoloft 1/13; now on Citalopram 35 mg and 1 mg Klonopin. Started to experience withdrawal symptoms from switch (?) approx. 3 months after finished Zoloft (4/13). Now at 35 mg and hoping to start slow taper
A lot of people have talked about in-person groups for w/d over the years. The tragicomic truth is that most people with the syndrome are incredibly agoraphobic and hypersensitive and overstimulated and paranoid. So, the Internet is a godsend!
Michele – You’re a sweetie!
Meds free since June 2005.
"An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one's own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space."
-- Holger Kalweit
Goodness Shel, Ive yet to find a doctor who acknowledges withdrawal yet alone a support group. Thank you so much for your offer to visit me. Sheila is right about these dreadful symptoms that keep many of us confined. I'll try to write more soon.
10;mg PAXIL 12 YEARS
C/T June 2012
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