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Thread: Mona's desperate journey

  1. #21
    Founder Luc's Avatar
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    What Stan is saying is simply that, at older age, the healing process may take some more time, but, contrary to what we've been told for a long time, the change in general is possible at all ages. This video below says it all. The most important info 0:00 - 6:20, especially 6:00 - 6:20;



    Keep walking. Just keep walking.

  2. #22
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    sally, what are you taking at the moment? everything including MJ, do you smoke? the whey protein, how much fish oil are you taking? any other suppliments?

    we are getting closer by the day to figuring this out, and Luc is right, stan is just saying that it may take a little longer in older people, but thats not for sure...the damage can be reapired and what cant be repaired the brain can work around using neuroplasty, Im going to watch Lucs excellent video now..
    Put on citalopram July 2009 during a physical illness - didnt need it. 40mg
    went down to 20mg July 2010 CT in Jan 2012 - 2.5 years on.
    Tried to restart July 2012 due to 1 panic attack (never had one before - start of CT W/D) - adverse reaction
    Down to 1.5mg from the failed RI
    Now at 0.48 and trying to stabalize - been 6 weeks
    now have SEVERE anxiety, akathsia, feel like Im on acid 24/7 depression, D/P, signed off work. Scared of everything..please God let me heal from this

  3. #23
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    No, I don't smoke anything, I take magnesium, fish oil, vit C, 7mg ambien, and 4mg valium. I still eat a little mj brownie with about 0.1 gram each evening. It's not enough to make me high but I think it does help me to force food down. I'm still having a very hard time making myself eat as absolutely everything tastes like mud. Thats why I mainly consume smoothies. Caroline, nothing ever seems to change for me. Every day is a horrible replica of the day before. If I live to the point where I get medicare I want to check myself into a mental hospital and let them experiment on me until they either help or kill me and I don't much care which happens.
    10;mg PAXIL 12 YEARS
    C/T June 2012

  4. #24
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    I undertsnd sally, you know I understand, the trouble with the hospital therory is they wouldnt kill you, they would happily experiement on you and then send you out in a worse condition than you are in now, and one thing I have learned is it can always get worse, even when you dont think it can...but you wont get worse if you just stay with what you are doing.....you will get better my brave and beautiful friend, listen to me sally this will get better for you, 100% guarenteed, I promise you darling, I promise.

    remember zoloftfree she was awful until 15 months then within 3 months she was much much better...salvation can come in the blink of an eye, thats what she said..

    how much fish oil are you taking? what brand are you using?

    are evenings any better for you?

    Im so sorry this is happening with you, there seem to be some of us who get this really bad and I have always seen that you are suffering as much as I am, I think you have always felt the same about me...

    sally, PM me your email address, I have some wonderful emails from people who have recovered, I will send them to you, I think you will find them really helpful.

    also, have you tried stopping the magnesium? maybe its too activating for you? and perhaps having epsom salts baths instead?

    what are your main symptoms? the ones that are hurting you the most....sally I was suicidal, you KNOW how awful I am, I was in so much pain and so out of my mind all I could think of was the mercy of death...6 weeks later I had a window...yeah so it all came back and Im back in hell, but it CAN happen, and it will happen for you...

    as for your smoothies, alot of whey (as I have found out over the past couple of days) can be full of artificial sweetners and stuff that we in withdrawal can react very badly to....try to get the whey Cool plain if you can...otherwise I am getting this one

    http://www.healthmonthly.co.uk/swans....34UZz1L8.dpbs

    Sally, I am here for you, right now, Im with you holding your hand, your gonna get through this hell, most people recover EVERYONE improves...EVERYONE, I promise you that, and you know I have spoken to basically everyone who has ever been through this, between me and needinghelp we have everyone covered!

    I totally relate to the whole ''ggroundhog day from hell'' I know how it feels to wake up into hell every morning, and then remember whats happening and things get even worse, I know how it feels, and there is nothing worse on this planet, but think how strong you are going to be when you recover from this, wow.
    Put on citalopram July 2009 during a physical illness - didnt need it. 40mg
    went down to 20mg July 2010 CT in Jan 2012 - 2.5 years on.
    Tried to restart July 2012 due to 1 panic attack (never had one before - start of CT W/D) - adverse reaction
    Down to 1.5mg from the failed RI
    Now at 0.48 and trying to stabalize - been 6 weeks
    now have SEVERE anxiety, akathsia, feel like Im on acid 24/7 depression, D/P, signed off work. Scared of everything..please God let me heal from this

  5. #25
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    Thank you luc for the video. Problem is, this is not just about the brain. The seritonin system is mostly in the gut and ther lies most of my physical issues. If I didn't feel so damned sick all the time I could work more on cognative problems. And this dreadful unceasing internal trembling, what's that about? Yes it is a bit better in the evening after 8PM but I have to go to bed by 10 in order to get any sleep because it starts up again around 5. As it is I'm lucky to get 6 hours sleep. The past three nights have been bad.

    I have tried every kind of diet but nothing seems to make any difference. Same with or without supplements. I do use pure dairy whey, I consume almost nothing that isn't organic.

    Caroline, I know you have gone through the same hell and we all keep carrying on and maybe someday I will wake up to a better life but I am just terribly afraid. I do so much appreciate the support you have given me as no one I have ever met in person has any understanding of this torture. It's now been over 14 months since this ordeal began. I know I can't count the first 4 months but still, after 10 months I should be seeing some improvement. I feel like such a whiner and everyone used to describe me as stoic. Now I'm just a wasted wimp.
    10;mg PAXIL 12 YEARS
    C/T June 2012

  6. #26
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    shea felt sick over over a year and then it would come and go for another year....you poor thing, it must be so horrible. 6 hours sleep will help you heal, i wonder if the internal trembling is the same as my inner restlessness, I dont tremble internally, mine is a feeling of intence aggitation, not physical really, but impossible to describe, perhaps they are on the same spectrum, but I dont think its quite the same.

    and sally, you can count the first 4 months, why shouldnt you? maybe you can say it doesnt count as you were trying different drugs, but everyday of your suffering COUNTS it counts as 24 everlasting hours of torture...I know it does. and should you be seeing improvement after 10 months? not nessesarily, but things could change in another month, or week, or hour or second...and wimp? HA!! The hardest toughest marines would be brought to their knees by this, begging for mercy, you are the strongest person in the world, along with all of us whio have travelled this road, but like baylissa says...this is NOT your life, this is a chapter in your life and one day this chapter will end...

    I have sent you some inspirational messgaes via email, I have more but Im rationing you, it will give you something to look forward to, and allow you to absorb the ones I have already sent, and these are all from epople who have suffered as badlyy as you, and me, and many of us here.

    I wish I could suggest something for your stomach, perhaps people will chime in about that, would fasting for a day or 2 help? I dont know if it would, I wish I could do soemthing to help you.
    Put on citalopram July 2009 during a physical illness - didnt need it. 40mg
    went down to 20mg July 2010 CT in Jan 2012 - 2.5 years on.
    Tried to restart July 2012 due to 1 panic attack (never had one before - start of CT W/D) - adverse reaction
    Down to 1.5mg from the failed RI
    Now at 0.48 and trying to stabalize - been 6 weeks
    now have SEVERE anxiety, akathsia, feel like Im on acid 24/7 depression, D/P, signed off work. Scared of everything..please God let me heal from this

  7. #27
    Founder Sheila's Avatar
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    Mona – are you having problems with your stomach? If so, I wrote something about the enteric brain you might find validating. Our enteric brain definitely needs to be healed as much as the head brain.

    Have you tried probiotics or digestive enzymes?
    Meds free since June 2005.

    "An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one's own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space."
    -- Holger Kalweit

  8. #28
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    Hello mona

    I had (and still I have sometimes) inner trembling.
    I remember Christmas of 2011 I had a bad inner trembling, I had every day and almost every hour. He gradually disappearing during the day, limiting itself only to the hours of the night, just sleep onset. In March 2013 I had tremors few days, specifically a day had much stronger tremors during the night, I woke up anxious, some tremors were almost could see, I told my husband to touch me, and my husband he first felt the vibrations, he realized it was real. Since then they have gone, except one day here or there, and very mild intensity.
    Your also going to improve!!!

    Iggy, I had inner restlessness. I felt uneasy continuously. I could not be quiet anywhere, I sat on the couch 10 minutes, 5 minutes then decided to go to bed five minutes later looking internet, Here lie on the couch, after 5 minutes in the kitchen ...., I could not be more than 5 minutes in a place or doing a task, constantly changing from one thing to another, from one place to another. So I define my inner turmoil. Thank God I had akathisia

    Big hugs
    Mar/2009 (diacepam+nortriptilina).Aprl-2010 (sulpiride+diacepam). May-2010:Tranxene 20 mg+SEROXAT 20mg
    TAPER BENZO:Apr-2011 20-10mg.; Sep-Nov -2011 taper 10 a 0mg. BENZO FREE 06/11/2011
    TAPER SEROXAT: jul-ago-11: de 20 a 10 mg; Dic-11/jan-10-5mg;Apr-sep-12 5-0mg . SEROXAT FREE: 15/09/2012
    Internal tremor, brain fog, memory, lack of concentration, anxiety. Problem original: Stress

  9. #29
    Founder stan's Avatar
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    the trembling i had it long time, today i have it still, but very very mild, manageable, i forget it, what i experience actually is more fibro like pains, pains and a kind of high emotional anxiety outdoor which i do not have in my apartment, off balance but walk 1 kilometer every day
    at home i do no more suffer psychological, only physical pains with waves, i am able to speak with friends during 1 hour, before it was overhelming malaise; so there is hope; what i notice is that i improve as other people, but more slowly
    so Mona, you will not jumping tomorrow, but will heal as all people, i am healing, i read people with fibro like pains have healed, so i hope my back shoulders will also heal;
    when i was in your state, i had severe akathisia, i thought i will suffer all my life, had no hope; today the akathisia, i forget what it is,
    12 years paxil(9 years only 10 mg) - cold turkey(1,5 month) and switch celexa tapered 1 year 20 mg
    62 years old - for GAD - 4 years 3 months meds free [since april 2009]

    vegetables soup - orange (vit C) - curcuma - some meat or fish

  10. #30
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    Thank you stan, I know that just because we are older it doesn't mean we won't heal, it may just be slower. If I can get to the point where things are mild and managable I can cope.

    Shela, I did take probiotics for the first six months and eat yogurt and kefer every day but nothing seems to make it better. It seems that the internal trembling/akathisia is what destroyed my appitite. Have had diarrhea every morning since this ordeal began. Do you have the link to what you wrote about the enteric brain?

    Yes parox, my internal trembling is often external as well. Have trouble with shaking hands and body. Difficulty with small motor skills.
    10;mg PAXIL 12 YEARS
    C/T June 2012

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