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Thread: Mona's desperate journey

  1. #1
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    Mona's desperate journey

    Guess since I'm now a long termer it's tie to move here from pp. I'll begin with a short history:

    1993 Began Prozac

    1996 Insurance Company changed me to zoloft

    2000 switched to paxil 10 mg when zoloft pooped

    2009 Began to be aware that I had less energy and interest for life.

    Mar 1, 2012 Decided to quit paxil just to see what I was like under everything. Researched and found that on such low dose a one month taper should do.


    Mar 15, 2012 Went on 5 mg for a month. First I was ill with flu like symptoms, brain zaps but after a couple of weeks stabilized and felt tired but close to normal.

    April 15, Quit totally. Within a few days Brain zaps and flu symptoms resumed. By the end of the month, mental confusion, body crawling, nausea, diarrhea, insomnia.

    Late May, I researched again and found PP. Realized that I had tapered too fast. I tried to reinstate paxil. It seemed to make me more ill, so I gave up after a week.

    June 10, In desperation I went to my GP. She gave me Hydroxyz and Clonidine for the withdrawal symptoms but it didn’t really help. As well as being sick I had very low function and had lost concentration. Work was very difficult.

    July 10, back to the Dr begging for help. She suggested Celexa. I tried 10 mg for a week then 20 mg but if anything it made me feel worse so I quit and called her back.

    July 20, after another consultation I tried zoloft, 6.5mg for 2 weeks and then up to 12 mg. Again, after the two weeks I had the worse breakdown yet and stopped the pills. My skin was crawling, intestines in knots, desperate with the desire to die. Spent three days in bed and got little sleep. Adrenaline surges every few seconds.

    In September Started a series of pdoc visits during which I tried perhaps a dozen drugs, most for only a day, with no help.

    In November akathisia so bad I started xanax but it only helped for a couple of weeks.

    Now off the xanax but taking 5mg valium each day and about 8 mg ambien in the evenings.

    I still have most of my original symptoms except the brain zaps and seem to get more ill every month. Will write more later.
    10;mg PAXIL 12 YEARS
    C/T June 2012

  2. #2
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    im so glad you posted my sweet sally, i think this is a better place for you, you have nearly a year behind you now, think of zoloftfree who wnted to die every second of every day for 15 months, then was so much better at 18 months, shea was the same, many people are the same.

    there is one guarentee, and thats that things will not stay like they are now.

    you were very brave to post and I know that sheila and luc and everyone else here will help you so much and offer you wonderful gentle kindness and comfort.

    xxx
    Put on citalopram July 2009 during a physical illness - didnt need it. 40mg
    went down to 20mg July 2010 CT in Jan 2012 - 2.5 years on.
    Tried to restart July 2012 due to 1 panic attack (never had one before - start of CT W/D) - adverse reaction
    Down to 1.5mg from the failed RI
    Now at 0.48 and trying to stabalize - been 6 weeks
    now have SEVERE anxiety, akathsia, feel like Im on acid 24/7 depression, D/P, signed off work. Scared of everything..please God let me heal from this

  3. #3
    Senior Member Moui's Avatar
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    Are you maplehill on PP or am I confused?
    Acceptance. Time. Habit.

  4. #4
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    yes moui, its maplehill

    im bringing my favorite gang over here
    Put on citalopram July 2009 during a physical illness - didnt need it. 40mg
    went down to 20mg July 2010 CT in Jan 2012 - 2.5 years on.
    Tried to restart July 2012 due to 1 panic attack (never had one before - start of CT W/D) - adverse reaction
    Down to 1.5mg from the failed RI
    Now at 0.48 and trying to stabalize - been 6 weeks
    now have SEVERE anxiety, akathsia, feel like Im on acid 24/7 depression, D/P, signed off work. Scared of everything..please God let me heal from this

  5. #5
    Founder stan's Avatar
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    hello Mona,

    it will not be easy, but with time, you will be better, it is many nasty days to pass until slowly(too slowly) you improve; we cannot speed the healing say long termer,
    12 years paxil(9 years only 10 mg) - cold turkey(1,5 month) and switch celexa tapered 1 year 20 mg
    62 years old - for GAD - 4 years 3 months meds free [since april 2009]

    vegetables soup - orange (vit C) - curcuma - some meat or fish

  6. #6
    Senior Member Moui's Avatar
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    Ok.. mona,sally,maplehill .. I don't know name to use, I usually remember people by their avatar picture (dog in a coat sitting on someones head)

    That really sucks you've not seen improvement in all that time. Sometime in the winter I think you tried meditation (mbsr?) and said that during you had relief but it wouldn't last.. is that something you can still use to get a break?

    I wish you healing.. I have followed your wd in the background.

    Sometimes I notice people just disappear.. what happened to 'little house' WLD?
    Acceptance. Time. Habit.

  7. #7
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    wld is doing better, I email with her, she was awful at 11 months, at 13 months much much better, she still has symptoms but is improving.

    anyway sorry sally hogging your thread!
    Put on citalopram July 2009 during a physical illness - didnt need it. 40mg
    went down to 20mg July 2010 CT in Jan 2012 - 2.5 years on.
    Tried to restart July 2012 due to 1 panic attack (never had one before - start of CT W/D) - adverse reaction
    Down to 1.5mg from the failed RI
    Now at 0.48 and trying to stabalize - been 6 weeks
    now have SEVERE anxiety, akathsia, feel like Im on acid 24/7 depression, D/P, signed off work. Scared of everything..please God let me heal from this

  8. #8
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    Hello Mona (Maplehill):
    I'm glad to see you in this forum, and I wish you to feel comoda.
    Oh, I'm sorry to hear that still is suffering so much. There will be better days, for sure, for you and for us all. I think you've done a great path courageously, and I wish you to continue walking with the same courage.

    Take care,
    Mar/2009 (diacepam+nortriptilina).Aprl-2010 (sulpiride+diacepam). May-2010:Tranxene 20 mg+SEROXAT 20mg
    TAPER BENZO:Apr-2011 20-10mg.; Sep-Nov -2011 taper 10 a 0mg. BENZO FREE 06/11/2011
    TAPER SEROXAT: jul-ago-11: de 20 a 10 mg; Dic-11/jan-10-5mg;Apr-sep-12 5-0mg . SEROXAT FREE: 15/09/2012
    Internal tremor, brain fog, memory, lack of concentration, anxiety. Problem original: Stress

  9. #9
    Founder Sheila's Avatar
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    Welcome, Mona! I’m so sorry that you are another member of the horrible psych med w/d club. It sounds like you’ve been having a really gruesome time.

    I truly understand your desperation and why you tried so many meds in the last year, but, from what you’re saying, it sounds like your body simply could not tolerate them.

    I’m gathering that you were also trying to maintain your ability to hold a job. Are you still working?

    You are absolutely going to heal from this. And the fact that you intuitively chose to quit the Paxil in March 2012 suggests to me that now is the time for you to be extricating the meds from your life, and that you are ready for it, hard as it is.

    What are you doing in terms of supplements? Are you doing anything else that is helping at all? Is there anything else you tried besides all these meds that did *not* help?
    Meds free since June 2005.

    "An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one's own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space."
    -- Holger Kalweit

  10. #10
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    Thank you all for the welcome, but I wish I didn't need to be here. Yes I am maplehill on pp but my name is sally. No moui, meditating does not help me anymore, my internal trembling is so bad I can't concentrate enough to do it.

    Stan, I've read your posts for many months and as I am 63 I identify with you and your suffering.

    Sheila, I'm taking 1500 mg omega 3, 400 mg mag, 1000mg C, 400mg zinc. I've tried all sorts of supplements...have a drawer full of bottles. The only other strong drug I've taken in the past six months is one 300mg pill of lithium two weeks ago which I had a bad reaction to so didn't take another. No I can't work anymore. I force myself to exercise 30min daily and do the usual chores but that's about it. Today has been very bad. I had a friend die yesterday after a 5 year battle with cancer. All I could think was how I wish I could have gone with her.
    10;mg PAXIL 12 YEARS
    C/T June 2012

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