Withdrawal after 17 years on antidepressants

[stan]

Amani,
i do not want to afraid you, it is useless, what has to happen will happen; at the beginning i thought that at 0 mg all is finished, then i changed and thought that at 18 months i will recover, then more months; today i live and walk, hopefully have improvements, look, today i had derealisation brain fog a little worse, maybe tomorrow it will be clearer
what i can say is at the beginning it was permanent during weeks, today it follows the waves/windows pattern, a better sign

[Sheila]

Amani -- I have found that my memories keep coming back, more and more over time. There was a period in early post-taper when my memory was scarily bad. Now, it's quite good, but, as I say, I am still recovering more memories.

[amani]

Amani,
i do not want to afraid you, it is useless, what has to happen will happen; at the beginning i thought that at 0 mg all is finished, then i changed and thought that at 18 months i will recover, then more months; today i live and walk, hopefully have improvements, look, today i had derealisation brain fog a little worse, maybe tomorrow it will be clearer
what i can say is at the beginning it was permanent during weeks, today it follows the waves/windows pattern, a better sign

wow, after all these years you still get those!!! but it is great to see that you have "a system or a way" for dealing with your issues without letting them rule your life...
i need to develop a system for myself too..

[amani]

Amani -- I have found that my memories keep coming back, more and more over time. There was a period in early post-taper when my memory was scarily bad. Now, it's quite good, but, as I say, I am still recovering more memories.

yes, my memory has been bad for years, especially in the last 6 years (about the same time i started feeling numb and unable to cry) ... but it also got even worse after stopping ADs... but , the good, no great thing, is ( you post just reminded me): i have been having dreams this past week, about people from my childhood, and the village where i grew up... i totally forgot about that (hitting my head)... i am so happy when i have these dreams, it is as if my brain is trying to access the "storage room" where those old memories are stored... and that makes me so happy :)

[stan]

wow, after all these years you still get those!!! but it is great to see that you have "a system or a way" for dealing with your issues without letting them rule your life...
i need to develop a system for myself too..

brain fog or derealisation/depersonalisation is something which is often linked with high anxiety, and this was my original problem, so the meds worsen my original problem and something i rarely had is now very often because of paxil and my healing, my emotions coming back, so i am high vulnerable to this;
i read the body protects brain when he thinks he is in danger by brain fog derealisation; and actually i am so sensitive to anxiety that my brain has to be protected or he will have damage, i am high emotionaly to colors, light, dark, exercise etc

[Luc]

One thing is 100% certain - it always always keeps improving, Amani. It's so important you decided to live your life without these drugs. It may take some time for you to heal, but it definitely was the right choice.

[PAROX2010]

I already had the brain fog while on drugs Psi, and while taper, but at that time I did not care, however now if I care ... I can not bear to live with this brain fog
Hugs

[amani]

brain fog or derealisation/depersonalisation is something which is often linked with high anxiety, and this was my original problem, so the meds worsen my original problem and something i rarely had is now very often because of paxil and my healing, my emotions coming back, so i am high vulnerable to this;
i read the body protects brain when he thinks he is in danger by brain fog derealisation; and actually i am so sensitive to anxiety that my brain has to be protected or he will have damage, i am high emotionaly to colors, light, dark, exercise etc

that is interesting theory..yes i can see that, that way life will have a lesser impact on your brain.... in my case (and now i am talking about my experience before stopping ADs), I felt that it happens when i am too tired (which is almost all the time), it is as if my body is shutting down "not essential functions" - i mean compared to breathing, blinking...etc... every few weeks i would have a good day when i have energy, and then everything is easier, from walking to thinking.... and now, it feels like my body is extra tired, after the last few months of horrific withdrawal, plus my sleep is still bad.. so it kind of makes sense that my concentration and memory are so bad...

[amani]

One thing is 100% certain - it always always keeps improving, Amani. It's so important you decided to live your life without these drugs. It may take some time for you to heal, but it definitely was the right choice.

yes, you are right... i do feel that those ADs made my CFS symptoms worse..

[amani]

I already had the brain fog while on drugs Psi, and while taper, but at that time I did not care, however now if I care ... I can not bear to live with this brain fog
Hugs

i know ... ADs made it easier to put up with the brain fog, the total exhaustion, not being able to do the things that i wanted to do... everything....... but only because it numbs our feelings (the bad ones but also the good ones)... it will take time for us to learn again how "live without the numbing effects of ADs".. it will be hard but also much more rewarding and joyful... i can't wait until i am completely off ... but i need to wait for now..