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Thread: RubyTuesday Introduction

  1. #81
    Member RubyTuesday's Avatar
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    bad day today, fear, depression, grief, terrible loneliness, all day. crying off & on all day. did all good things to heal. finally calming down late in day, trying to meditate, read, pray, do affirmations.
    Prozac/Birth Control 9 years. Pot 6/09 to 3/11. Female Problems. Short trials: Paxil, Celexa, Lexipro, Wellbutrin, Xanax, Ativan. CURRENTLY Lamictal from 10/11. Seroquel from 12/11. Remiron from 12/11: 15-30-45-30-15-to 7.5 7/2012, to 3.75 4/1/13. 5/18 3.75/2. Diagnosis Now: Complex PTSD. Regular Acupuncture/EMDR/therapy/yoga class. PERFECT RESIGNATION GIVES THE DEEPEST JOY OF ALL. ACCEPT IT AS YOUR SOLE RESOURCE. -ANANADAMAYI MA
    The Inner Light - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4n8DQknrOOc

  2. #82
    Founder Sheila's Avatar
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    You’re doing a great job, Ruby.
    Meds free since June 2005.

    "An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one's own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space."
    -- Holger Kalweit

  3. #83
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    Day #7 off Remiron
    better day today
    still physical symptoms: teeth grinding, dizzy, headache, tired
    less emotional symptoms: talked with Ex considering re-unification
    got back on consistent Lamictal/Seroquel schedule: seems like I keep drifting off either on purpose or by accident
    going thru old folders, calendars: looks like I have never been off SSRIs for more than 3 or 4 months at a time since I started in February 2002
    Prozac/Birth Control 9 years. Pot 6/09 to 3/11. Female Problems. Short trials: Paxil, Celexa, Lexipro, Wellbutrin, Xanax, Ativan. CURRENTLY Lamictal from 10/11. Seroquel from 12/11. Remiron from 12/11: 15-30-45-30-15-to 7.5 7/2012, to 3.75 4/1/13. 5/18 3.75/2. Diagnosis Now: Complex PTSD. Regular Acupuncture/EMDR/therapy/yoga class. PERFECT RESIGNATION GIVES THE DEEPEST JOY OF ALL. ACCEPT IT AS YOUR SOLE RESOURCE. -ANANADAMAYI MA
    The Inner Light - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4n8DQknrOOc

  4. #84
    Founder Sheila's Avatar
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    It’s important to be consistent with your dosing, so that’s good you’re doing that.

    Yeah, isn’t it interesting to go back over the records and discover things?

    Wishing you good luck with the ex-.
    Meds free since June 2005.

    "An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one's own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space."
    -- Holger Kalweit

  5. #85
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    Day #8 no SSRI

    rough start to today, but it got going good, but here's the thing:
    the year before I started SSRIs, my Dad died, my BF dumped me, my college girlfriend died, and I got fired from a job. Then I had an abortion, not by my choice. Then I got on SSRIs. (& I had gone thru a divorce just a few years before all that) So, the only phase of grief I ever got to was shock, and I stayed there. Then in the last 2 years after I first tried to get off Prozac, I gave up alcohol & weed, went thru menopause, my son turned into a man & The Empty Car Syndrome set in, my mom died, I quit school & a couple of jobs.

    So, I might have a little grieving to catch up with, ya think?

    but I vividly felt today that that frozen, paralyzed feeling that has been so irksome, is all the drug. The drug has frozen me. Now I am starting to feel the flow again, even though it is painful, it feels better, because I know it will have an end.
    Prozac/Birth Control 9 years. Pot 6/09 to 3/11. Female Problems. Short trials: Paxil, Celexa, Lexipro, Wellbutrin, Xanax, Ativan. CURRENTLY Lamictal from 10/11. Seroquel from 12/11. Remiron from 12/11: 15-30-45-30-15-to 7.5 7/2012, to 3.75 4/1/13. 5/18 3.75/2. Diagnosis Now: Complex PTSD. Regular Acupuncture/EMDR/therapy/yoga class. PERFECT RESIGNATION GIVES THE DEEPEST JOY OF ALL. ACCEPT IT AS YOUR SOLE RESOURCE. -ANANADAMAYI MA
    The Inner Light - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4n8DQknrOOc

  6. #86
    Founder Luc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RubyTuesday View Post
    The drug has frozen me. Now I am starting to feel the flow again, even though it is painful, it feels better, because I know it will have an end.
    100%.
    Keep walking. Just keep walking.

  7. #87
    Founder Sheila's Avatar
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    You are right on. Having our real feelings about what really happened is always better than not. And we move *through* the feelings that way and onto other *real* things.
    Meds free since June 2005.

    "An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one's own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space."
    -- Holger Kalweit

  8. #88
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    Days 10 & 11
    Tuesday great day, very active all day, lots of writing, socializing; 7am to 9pm, but maybe overdid it?
    because Wednesday woke up crying & fearful and got it in waves all day long

    I honestly am unable to discriminate whether my suffering is more related to my frustrations with my BF or with AD withdrawal. I go around and around this in my head every single day. But lately it has occured to me that since our entire relationship has occured while I am on ADs, then maybe its not all his fault, since the meds have put my brain thru such intense changes and still continue to do so. So I am thinking I might wait it out and see if things might be better once I get more free of the AD.
    Prozac/Birth Control 9 years. Pot 6/09 to 3/11. Female Problems. Short trials: Paxil, Celexa, Lexipro, Wellbutrin, Xanax, Ativan. CURRENTLY Lamictal from 10/11. Seroquel from 12/11. Remiron from 12/11: 15-30-45-30-15-to 7.5 7/2012, to 3.75 4/1/13. 5/18 3.75/2. Diagnosis Now: Complex PTSD. Regular Acupuncture/EMDR/therapy/yoga class. PERFECT RESIGNATION GIVES THE DEEPEST JOY OF ALL. ACCEPT IT AS YOUR SOLE RESOURCE. -ANANADAMAYI MA
    The Inner Light - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4n8DQknrOOc

  9. #89
    Founder Sheila's Avatar
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    I think it’s sometimes both – neuro disarray from w/d causing stress and real life events causing stress.

    You are having a hugely valuable insight – when people are on these meds, or in w/d from them –it affects relationships. Most people don’t realize that’s going on. You’re right to wonder what would happen in the relationship if you were meds-free.
    Meds free since June 2005.

    "An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one's own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space."
    -- Holger Kalweit

  10. #90
    Member RubyTuesday's Avatar
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    thank you so much, Sheila, I really appreciate your support.
    Today was better, I was more level, I got acupuncture and sat in the sun.
    Prozac/Birth Control 9 years. Pot 6/09 to 3/11. Female Problems. Short trials: Paxil, Celexa, Lexipro, Wellbutrin, Xanax, Ativan. CURRENTLY Lamictal from 10/11. Seroquel from 12/11. Remiron from 12/11: 15-30-45-30-15-to 7.5 7/2012, to 3.75 4/1/13. 5/18 3.75/2. Diagnosis Now: Complex PTSD. Regular Acupuncture/EMDR/therapy/yoga class. PERFECT RESIGNATION GIVES THE DEEPEST JOY OF ALL. ACCEPT IT AS YOUR SOLE RESOURCE. -ANANADAMAYI MA
    The Inner Light - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4n8DQknrOOc

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