My Journey of Hell and Healing - Joy

[PAROX2010]

I, formerly a professional public speaker, have been having trouble speaking. Wrong word comes out, I stutter, my
son looks at me like I'm crazy (which I guess I am!) or I just can't think. Or I can think of what I want to say but I am like, in a zone, like I'm just the audience watching the movie, and I can't make myself talk. Very distressing.

Welcome rubytuesday

What you say sounds like derealization / depersonalization. It is very common in WD.

Wikipedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization_disorder

Slurred speech, word finding, it is also common in WD. It will be solved with the passage of time, meanwhile you will surely find strategies:
-When you can not find a suitable word, use another word
-Write down important things, set alarms.
(The survival instinct is powerful!)

These problems will go over time. And do not worry about the children (they are wise).

Hugs

[Sheila]

Joy -- Well, it would be preferable not to take the benadryl, but if you can’t stand it, first try ¼ pill, and then don’t take it every day.

It sounds like you’re having neuro-sensory-perseveration. I just made that term up. I don’t know what the real term is. But, you feel something for real on your skin or imagine feeling it, and boom you can’t stop imagining feeling it.

I’m also hoping the itching will abate as you clear the multivitamin from your system. Let’s wait and see.

Try to use a lot of lotion or oil on your skin – preferably an organic – and drink a ton of water. That might help.

[PAROX2010]

Hi Sheila,

Yes, relaxation exercises sound like they would help..but I feel resistant to trying them for some reason. When I want to relax I read the bible and meditate on spiritual material and I find that calms me. At some point I may try some though.

Hello Bisco,

It is really beneficial to have a spiritual belief to your wellbeing.

I tell you:

When I was in WD acute (and sometimes prolonged), I often connected to Lourdes Sanctuary website. I liked the web connect with Lourdes Sanctuary, there's an option to see the Sanctuary live ("live the life to the Santuary of our Lady of Lourdes") There is also an option to "send petitions" ("placin your petition"). I think it was a big help.

3 years ago, I traveled on a pilgrimage to Lourdes. It was an extraordinary experience: was shocking to see so many people praying at the same time in many languages ​​.... yet all we understood ....
I do not know if it's a place of healing, but at least if I think it is a place of "spiritual cleansing internal""

Website Lourdes (available in multiple languages​​: French, English, Spanish, German, Dutch and Italian)

http://en.lourdes-france.org/tv-lourdes/

Take care,
Hugs

[Joy]

Hi Parox,
Happy are those conscious of their spiritual need"..from the Sermon on the Mount. It implies we have a spiritual need even if we are not conscious of it at the time. I am glad you found strength to deal with the w/d. I too find encouragement. I enjoy applying what I learn the best I can. I like to center myself in love rather than in the spirit the world seems to emphasize. It is grounding especially when there is chaos in my brain.
Hugs, Joy

[Sheila]

Parox – Great idea about Lourdes site! I think Lourdes is fascinating. There are some well-documented miracle cures.


Joy – Love may very well be the ground of all being! It may be that consciousness / love / light are / is the essence of everything. This is a great way to ground yourself.

Lovely quote from the Sermon on the Mount….

[Joy]

It has been a rough two days. Emotionally I am having trouble coping. It happens so fast without warning. During this time, the unresolved things in my life come to haunt me. I feel very rejected by life, family and my religion. I am hurt and I suppose angry in equal measure. It is neuro emotions causing the acute sense of grief I realize, but as I read all the stories of people in hell after a year and hurting so much still, it seems overwhelming. I have come to some new insights through this time, but the emotional work is so hard.
I have to let go of a parent and a sibling..and I fight it, but they are already gone really. I have turned over every stone, and there is nothing left for me to do but accept it is what it is. These family problems did not come with w/d but have been long standing. It is what it is and I need to move on or die trying to measure up to people that really don't care one way or the other.
I have been in bed for a day or so now and I know I need to get up and get back into my life. Time to let these ruminations go...they are persistent things.

[Luc]

they are persistent things.

They are incredibly persistent, Joy. Do NOT blame yourself for experiencing them. In WD, it's not even that one is in WD, but one is WD, if you know what I mean. Every time it gets really bad and you lose hope, to get back to the previously performed tasks is very diffcult. Again, here too, do NOT blame yourself. Try gradually re-introducing yourself back to what you were doing before - do something small to simply anchor yourself a bit, then do a tiny bit more after this. Even if emotionally you're drained, on a more rational level you will know that you've made this tiny step, which will help you to do more.

Yes, it's easier said than done, but, step by step you'll get there This nightmare will eventually end.

[m&m]

Hurt from family is never easy in any condition, but can you take a break from them for a little bit before making any harsh ultimatums or permanent decisions?

Everyone always says not to make any big decisions during this time.

My therapist used tell me to write letters (that you will never give them) instead to vent the anger in a positive way.

[Sheila]

You’re starting a new journal thread so it seems like you feel you are entering a new phase of your journey?

This neurological injury and recovery process tends to lead to an awakening of some sort for most of the people who go through it. Many people end up making significant changes in their lives, their worldviews.

I definitely believe you are going through some big insights and doing some deep work. M&m makes a good point about not committing yourself to anything quickly. You are still in the midst of the process. Things will continue to shift. And you *are* having neuro-emotion right now which magnifies and distorts.

So, do what you need to do to take care of yourself *now* (I had to distance myself from my family for w/d.) but don’t try to make decisions for the long-run yet.

[biscotaki]

Dear Joy, I am saddened that you are hurting ..:(
I think as time goes by, things will be easier to cope with ..
We must take baby steps, to get there ..
Thinking of you ..I have you in my prayers. .. Sending you much love ..
biscotaki