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Thread: My Journey of Hell and Healing - Joy

  1. #31
    Founder Sheila's Avatar
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    I wish to high heaven I had gone up to a very high dose of Omega-3 before I even started my taper. I really think this is how w/d is going to be handled in the future.

    I’m a little concerned about your going up from 3,000 to 6,000 in one jump. It might be better to do that more slowly. But I don’t know. Just be aware.

    Yeah, I agree that racing sensation has undoubtedly involved a lot of strain on your adrenal gland, and I’m glad you’re going to go up on the Vit. C to support it.

    When I have gone up on the Vitamin C too high too fast, I get a “steroidal” feeling in my shoulders – like they’re bulky and strong – and I get restless legs at bed time, and I get more irritable, and I get more hungry. So, I’ve gone up ultra-slowly, waiting a long time between small increases, and I’m at 9,600 now.

    Yes, change one thing at a time – both to discern any benefits and any adverse effects.

    Read up about the advisability of taking Vit E with fish oil and decide for yourself.

    Well, that’s interesting that the universe just handed you a bunch of life-changing! More power to you!

    OMG – I would trade you weather in a minute. We’re going into the hot part of the year and I hate it. Let’s trade houses! Seriously, I either need to move to the mountains or to Norway.

    ... << Joy & Sheila's house-trade program
    Meds free since June 2005.

    "An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one's own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space."
    -- Holger Kalweit

  2. #32
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    Hi Sheila,
    HA,HA to your animation! That is funny. Well, sounds like you would be a happy, happy girl here in Manitoba right now! I also would have a hard time with the heat in California...heat just will finish me off at the best of times.

    I didn't mean to imply that I went from 3000 mg of Omegas to 6,000. I started at 3,000 and then added and extra one or two throughout the day if I remembered. So my system must be use to the inconsistency. I was good with 4 and 5,000 so thought up to six should be fine..and I am doing two at a time now so it will be more consistent. I would be interested to see if there is a difference in people who start the Omega 3's prior to taper. I would think it would have to make a difference.

    I didn't sleep well last night again and although I got up and going and had a pretty good day, I crashed around supper time. It felt more physical in nature. I had the heebie jebbies...technical lingo for brain zaps and shivers. Tired and aching. The other symptom I had all day...was hunger. More of the need to eat and feeling weak because of it. Now I see that you mention that you had hunger when you increased Vit C too fast. Interesting!! My thought had been that these chewable pills which have Dextrose in them is causing my blood sugar to spike and then fall. I have been eating them throughout the day so this would happen over and over. Hence hunger and disequalibrium. It was just a theory...with no substance to it other than wondering...but tomorrow when I go to town I will buy a different type of Vit C and let you know if that makes a difference. Good for you for trying a higher dosage and getting up so far! I will be watching your progress.

    This summer I plan to plant a herb garden outside the door for quick access and a vegetable garden on a bigger patch with hopefully enough to put some away for the winter. Trying to keep our food as wholesome as we can. Hate the modified foods and the pesticides used.

    Sending a cool breeze your way......
    Joy

  3. #33
    Founder Sheila's Avatar
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    Thanks for the cool breeze!

    That’s so great that you’re going to plant veg and herbs!

    Yeah, your heebie jeebies could have been due to going up too fast on C or the sugar or both. Good your gonna experiment.

    It’s *very* interesting to me that you’ve been taking 3000 – 5000 Omega from early on and are having a relatively good w/d.

    Right now I’m going up on the Vitamin Fish Oil. At some point, I do want to increase the C.

    So glad you had a pretty good day!
    Meds free since June 2005.

    "An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one's own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space."
    -- Holger Kalweit

  4. #34
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    Hi Sheila,
    When you say you are taking vitamen fish oil..is that the same as the Omega 3's? I also wondered about the different kinds available but from my limited reading I heard that wild was best...however, I just have the anchovey/sardine one..and that was also recommended. Have you found one better than the other?

    The heebie jebbies stopped when I stopped the Vit C chewables. By the next day they were gone.

    I am doing well in so many areas but under ANY stress..I have trouble. I had a good day yesterday as I just wandered around the property, doing nothing, or thinking nothing (this surely brings to mind a scary picture, ha,ha.)...no stress and I was alone for the day which kept my life quiet. I worked in the pasture and did some light physical work. Spent time attending to the horses and our 5 new piglets, playing with our two dogs and cats and just had a pretty pleasant day overall. Today, I am not alone and the phone started ringing at 7am.. and just communicating is causing me so much stress that my speech and thinking is slow again. Being asked for my opinion on something is hard..not that I don't have one but to think it out and put into words what I want to say is hard. I feel like I am up against the wall again. When I feel like this I just feel like there is no movement I can make..or anything I can think or do...I am stuck facing the wall and I can't even turn around for a different view. I would heal so much better if I was alone for a couple of days, with no noise, chatting, questions or comments about anything I do. Just being allowed to quietly go about my day. That isn't going to happen of course. Do you ever get like this?

    On a positive note, my energy is there more than it was. Oh, I bought the VitC pills the other day so am taking them now. I wonder if things will improve.
    As per the infection I was getting..and with self diagnosis, I think it is an infection..bacteria in the hair folicals where I have shaved. I tried several things and can't get rid of it so i took a shot of the animal pennacillian (I took it orally). Generally this works better than prescription stuff and I can't stand going to the doctors here.

    Manitoba, we only moved here 6 months ago and have tried 2 doctors, have seen specialists for my partner and I am amazed how bad the medical care here is. Ontario, with all it's flaws was so much higher quality. Here it causes stress to see a doctor that is so obviously disinterested and does the very least of what they could do. How do you find the health care in California Sheila? We have a lack of doctors here...boy, I would like to see it looked at as the business it is...good service gives more business. Now the chiropractor I found is a positive, upbeat and supportive person that agreed to assist me with my withdrawl. I think it is the difference in how they are trained that makes the difference.

    How are you doing overall Sheila? How do you generally find your days?

  5. #35
    Founder Sheila's Avatar
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    My days are still pretty hard. I don't know anything about health care in California because I have abandoned it. I consult alternative types if any.

    I take Trader Joe fish oil, but that's a US grocery chain. Luc recently did some research on good Omega-3 available in Canada -- Luc could you please post it?

    Omega-3 is a a class of fatty acid. It comes in various types. Two types -- DHA and EPA are found in fish oil. Ignore the mg of fish oil on the bottle. Add up the mg of EPA and DHA. That's how much Omega-3 you're taking.

    Say more about this phenomenon of coming up against the wall. What are the thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations?
    Meds free since June 2005.

    "An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one's own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space."
    -- Holger Kalweit

  6. #36
    Founder Luc's Avatar
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    Natural Factors brand seems to be a good one. Here's the Omega-3 in liquid (you can use any amount you want in a very precise way);

    http://www.naturalfactors.com/produc...mega-3-factors

    Examples of stores;

    http://www.naturalfactors.com/stores
    http://www.luckyvitamin.com/p-677-na...ge-flavor-8-oz
    Keep walking. Just keep walking.

  7. #37
    Founder Sheila's Avatar
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    Thanks, Luc!

    Joy -- my chiropractor, who knows people in the Omega-3 industry, says NOW and Jarrow are also good quality for good price, and they're available by mail.
    Meds free since June 2005.

    "An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one's own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space."
    -- Holger Kalweit

  8. #38
    Founder Sheila's Avatar
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    OK, I think I got it. This up against the wall thing. It’s the verbal / cognitive symptoms. You don’t notice them when you’re around your animals and nature. And you do very well writing. But, when you have to talk to someone it becomes obvious you’re having some temporary problems.

    I had a hard time talking to people in complex situations in sort of mid-w/d. I was OK for the first couple of years post-taper, but then it got worse for several years. I would feel pressured and overwrought. I couldn’t process things fast enough. And I often wrote notes before conversations to help me.

    Now, it’s really very fine. My verbal / cognitive skills are pretty strong again, although I still have word-finding difficulties that I never had before. But, I still do better if I have more time -- can think of more things that are relevant -- so I do better in writing than in person much of the time.

    My worst symptoms have always been more emotional and physical, and less verbal and cognitive. My worst state is still a feeling of having no skin and being ultra sensitive and overwhelmed by everything. But, it’s mostly raw emotion. I can still snap into a groove and think and talk as needed.
    Meds free since June 2005.

    "An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one's own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space."
    -- Holger Kalweit

  9. #39
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    Hi Sheila,
    Well, you seem to be doing very well at monitoring and caring for your own health. I think the only people who believe completely in Doctors are Doctors. Other than the very special one they seem to be limited by their own arrogance..it is hard to teach someone that thinks they know everything. Who only believes what drug companies tell them, and have fallen victim to the limited teachings of what their discipline tells them. And just as bad..I have found the arrogance and disrespect toward their patients. I am sure there are some good, caring doctors out their that mean well. I have come across very few in my lifetime. On the other hand I have found Chiropractors across the board so far. Just my experience but I do believe it is the way they are taught at the college to think, and to interact socially. It has inspired so much more confidence in me.

    "The Wall", can be felt before you reach there..often. But can be subtle enough that I will override it and carry on with my day anyway. I can usually articulate to my partner that I feel it close..meaning I am better to go with it and just stay quiet or be left alone. I will feel like I am holding the last straw, just barely holding it together emotionally. It is a physical feeling as well...very tired from deep within and/or irritable to different degrees. Overload on my central nervous system I believe. The remedy, if there was the ability, would be a place with complete removal of any stimulus. No radios or t.v.'s or sharp or erratic sounds as they are like an assult, and no activity around me. Just stillness...and in that environment I could push further in the day with the hope of getting through it until a new day. As I get closer to the wall I have more difficulty thinking. I still try to communicate but get frustrated and work myself up. Interacting with others is too much. I don't want to respond to them as it is enough just to talk and tell them whatever I want to say. Therefore I am short and sharp which I regret instantly.
    If I 'hit the wall', I know it as I simply can't continue to go forward in my day...it stops suddenly. I will feel completely overwhelmed, usually a burst of anger that is an over reaction to whatever the last straw was. It can be as simple as having my partner talk to me or a comment made...and I will usually burst into tears and have to go to bed and can usually fall into a sleep. I can not at this time take anymore in. I need to close my door and put in ear plugs, cry it out or be unconscious through sleep or pushing out all thoughts. I am aware at this time of feeling my behavior is harsh and feeling guilty as I leave my partner walking on eggshells not knowing when this is going to happen but able to perceive that it is building in me.

    Lately, I will take more magnesium during this time as it sedates me a bit and I feel it helps. I benefit so greatly by an amazing partner that helps assure and alleviate my feelings of being horrible for putting him through this with me. He is becoming more aware of the process and why I am going through as I try to educate him about what I am learning and is tolerant.

    TODAY, I have experienced a whole day with NO...feelings of being overwhelmed. My speech was a little stilted this morning and that passed. I worked outside with the animals and felt I was 'normal' again. That I wasn't fighting the world, or swimming upstream although I was feeling tired today. I am having trouble sleeping tonight and so I need to try again as I do believe deficient sleep is a catalyst, it will set the stage for a hard day.

    So, anything I have learned......is that I need to be more mindful to keep my nervous system sedated..or as quiet as I can. I am learning (albeit slowly) to try to pace myself on the good days so as not to overdo things. Try to discipline myself to eat, sleep and take my supplements on a regular basis. In addition to this I work on my attitude and try to see things from a spiritual perspective.

    I hope this helps you get a sense of it Sheila.

    Joy

  10. #40
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    I think you do get it Sheila. I believe that is me in a nutshell...and yes, it is much easier to write for me if I do so when there is complete quietness around.
    Also, important, is that my thinking although cloudy at these times, does clear and IS MUCH BETTER THAN WHEN IN WAS ON AD'S. I feel like I am getting my brain back! That is a good feeling. You mentioned that you felt "pressured and overwrought, not able to think fast enough"..YES, I GET THAT. It is interesting how the symptoms you had would get worse afterward...I am not liking the sound of that!!
    Wow, you do have some physical symptoms. That must be unnerving. Is there anything you feel helps at those times? Does the feeling of having no skin happen at the same time you feel emotionally raw? Is it persistent or episodic? I think my symptoms have been emotional too...where my reaction to a situation has me doing the all or nothing thinking and dark thoughts but that isn't very often. I am aware for me that I come face to face with bad patterns of thinking that I am trying to reassess and put in place something better...that way next time I go down this path I will have a history of positive thinking to fall back on. A good time to replace things that don't work.
    And yes Sheila, you do seem to write very well. You are articulate and can think your way through things. That must help you hold on to perspective in rough times. Or I hope it does.

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