My Journey of Hell and Healing - Joy

[Sheila]

Synchronistically, I’m having to deal with some similar internal work as well. I haven’t been very involved with my family for many years, but some recent events have made me have to re-visit my guilt, fear, anger, hurt about how I just do not fit well with this family. I am so different from them. We see things very differently.

You’re going through a major life transformation. Have you taken a look at this essay? Don’t read it if the first couple of pages don’t grab you, but it might be helpful for making sense of what you’re going through –

http://neuroscienceandpsi.blogspot.c...rtium-non.html

I don’t think your experiences are random. I think you’re having to face the problems that are really there in your family relationships. Then, you have choice about what you want to do about it, always keeping in mind that you cannot control other people or make them see you. :)

It’s not empty change. You are being nudged to grow, become more conscious. It’s hard. And it’s not entirely clear what you really want to do with your life, but this is the path to finding out. It’s really hard tolerating not knowing where you’re going, but that is often part of the path for a long time. See that essay.

You may sense that you’re supposed to let go of some things for now. But, that doesn’t mean you can just make yourself let go. It will have to be a process.

[Luc]

Joy, the best way through and out of it is turning to spirituality. With your thoughts you have infinitely more influence on reality than you can ever imagine. Ever. Long story short, if you only can, have a look into what Bruce Lipton, Gregg Bradden, Wayne Dyer write about. About two years ago, it was Sheila who wrote to me about them. Google them, or perhaps you've already heard of their work. I was as staunch a skeptic as it can only get in that respect, but I've learnt enough to be able to see the truth. There's a possibility of our creating any reality we would wish - it's just you have to really really believe it.

Also, you don't have to follow some societal rigid "rules", you know, "at this stage of life I should be here there, have this or that". The more you will be healing from WD, the more avenues will be opening, and you will be able to, with your improving health, create your own reality the way you *wish it to be*. And no rush.

[Luc]

Synchronistically, I’m having to deal with some similar internal work as well. I haven’t been very involved with my family for many years, but some recent events have made me have to re-visit my guilt, fear, anger, hurt about how I just do not fit well with this family. I am so different from them. We see things very differently.

Two weeks ago, I severed all my relations with someone from my closest family. I had known for a long time that this person didn't believe my severe symptoms are WD. Finally, I decided to ask him a simple question... "Look me straight in the eye and answer this - do you believe me when I say that what I am going through is WD?" And, without blinking, he said, "I may believe you, but doctors would have a different opinion" (clever on his part = "yes, but no"). I was later told he said about me to this other person from my family "he is getting worse", which fully showed his true colours.

You know someone your whole life. And this person, in the age of the Internet, when you can find any info I've been telling him for ages now, will not even bother to have a look at it. But then, even if he bothered to, "doctors would have a different opinion". Yet, paradoxically (or not!), my closing this life's chapter on this person has helped me a lot on many levels.

I get your point, Sheila, 100%, even if yours could be a slightly different situation from mine. The similar is "him/them being so much different than me" motif.

One thing for sure - such events makes you grow even more.

[Sheila]

Luc – You’re being very strong to face these problems in your family relationships. This is definitely a transformative illness.

[Joy]

Hello Joy
I like how you express yourself, you express yourself very well. I totally understand you, I understand what you mean

I feel like you, I get many questions to myself ....
Perhaps our destiny or karma is to turn around our lives, perhaps a more spiritual, do not know, in my case it has. By chance or coincidence my husband also gave a turn to spirituality, meditation ... He also wants to change the direction of your life (I mean change the live, together the two)

I have the luck to have a husband who supports me. although sometimes quarrel, and do not understand everything I'm going through.
I think if there is the Law of Karma, this probably happens for a reason, and is a test to overcome, and also our partners has its own Karma to overcome. The WD is a great challenge for us and for our partners, and probably grow together as people.
Hugs,

Hi Parox,
Thank you for your message. I wonder about the meaning. I think there is a change of some sort going on within me. I don't know if it is because of w/d or more likely because for the first time in a long time I am not medicated. I am glad you have a supportive husband. I do as well. That does make things easier. They may not understand everything but as long as they try to understand best they can..that is good. And yes, I do think all problems have the possibility of allowing us to grow together..I guess it can do the opposite but not if the heart is open.
Hugs,
Joy

[Joy]

Synchronistically, I’m having to deal with some similar internal work as well. I haven’t been very involved with my family for many years, but some recent events have made me have to re-visit my guilt, fear, anger, hurt about how I just do not fit well with this family. I am so different from them. We see things very differently.

You’re going through a major life transformation. Have you taken a look at this essay? Don’t read it if the first couple of pages don’t grab you, but it might be helpful for making sense of what you’re going through –

http://neuroscienceandpsi.blogspot.c...rtium-non.html

I don’t think your experiences are random. I think you’re having to face the problems that are really there in your family relationships. Then, you have choice about what you want to do about it, always keeping in mind that you cannot control other people or make them see you. :)

It’s not empty change. You are being nudged to grow, become more conscious. It’s hard. And it’s not entirely clear what you really want to do with your life, but this is the path to finding out. It’s really hard tolerating not knowing where you’re going, but that is often part of the path for a long time. See that essay.

You may sense that you’re supposed to let go of some things for now. But, that doesn’t mean you can just make yourself let go. It will have to be a process.

Thank you Sheila for your message and sharing. Sorry your family has been so difficult. I understand as both myself and my family have felt that I don't fit in. And although we have many traits in common..we are so fundamentally different in our beliefs and way of seeing ourselves and the world. They use to joke I was adopted..and with my sister, it wouldn't matter what I said she would say the opposite. I was the problem child..I didn't really do anything..only I never followed their code..and when you do something different..the others clam up and you are out! I think when I went on a/d's and then had a breakdown there was a change..I was 'damaged'. I could never rise again in their estimation.
I heard a quote from somewhere the other day...Love is like a door with a handle on the inside...It can can only be opened from within. So..yes, I agree and frustrate on it, but I have to accept other's wishes. And like you said, it has been a process of letting go.

Thank you for the link, I looked at it briefly and it does capture my attention to read more carefully...the third choice..we create.

Also, finding the purpose of our life...I am 50 years old...if I haven't found a purpose..or have a plan..part of me wonders why bother..what could possibly matter that I could do..that would take 50 years or more to get too.

[Joy]

Joy, the best way through and out of it is turning to spirituality. With your thoughts you have infinitely more influence on reality than you can ever imagine. Ever. Long story short, if you only can, have a look into what Bruce Lipton, Gregg Bradden, Wayne Dyer write about. About two years ago, it was Sheila who wrote to me about them. Google them, or perhaps you've already heard of their work. I was as staunch a skeptic as it can only get in that respect, but I've learnt enough to be able to see the truth. There's a possibility of our creating any reality we would wish - it's just you have to really really believe it.

Also, you don't have to follow some societal rigid "rules", you know, "at this stage of life I should be here there, have this or that". The more you will be healing from WD, the more avenues will be opening, and you will be able to, with your improving health, create your own reality the way you *wish it to be*. And no rush.

Thank you Luc. I will have a look at the people you mention above..yes, Wayne Dyer, I have read many of his books in the past. The other two I haven't heard of.
You are right..rigid rules..they don't work for many of us if we want to be happy. I need to have a picture of where I want to be...maybe as I heal I will get one.

[Sheila]

For whatever reason, we were plunked down in families where we are the oddballs. People have different beliefs about why this happens. Whatever the original cause, I feel strongly that the Tao enlists everything in the service of the highest good. In other words, our not fitting in will probably turn out to be very useful to us personally and to the community. (Hunh, I just wrote this, went to do some treadmill, and read the exact same concept in something I just picked up. Synchro.)

Oh, Joy – there are so many things that take a minimum of 50 years to get good at! Take a look at this great research done by David Galenson showing that there are different types of genius – some are apparent very young, and some *require* many years of experimentation, life experiences, and maturation to achieve.

http://antidepressantwithdrawal.info...-your-mission&

I’m 50 also. Watch out world! Here we come! :)

It sounds like you’re mourning. Mourning is necessary and fruitful and your right, but don’t think thoughts that you have during mourning and w/d are the whole story.

[Joy]

Two weeks ago, I severed all my relations with someone from my closest family. I had known for a long time that this person didn't believe my severe symptoms are WD. Finally, I decided to ask him a simple question... "Look me straight in the eye and answer this - do you believe me when I say that what I am going through is WD?" And, without blinking, he said, "I may believe you, but doctors would have a different opinion" (clever on his part = "yes, but no"). I was later told he said about me to this other person from my family "he is getting worse", which fully showed his true colours.

You know someone your whole life. And this person, in the age of the Internet, when you can find any info I've been telling him for ages now, will not even bother to have a look at it. But then, even if he bothered to, "doctors would have a different opinion". Yet, paradoxically (or not!), my closing this life's chapter on this person has helped me a lot on many levels.

I get your point, Sheila, 100%, even if yours could be a slightly different situation from mine. The similar is "him/them being so much different than me" motif.

One thing for sure - such events makes you grow even more.

Hi Luc,

It is very sad that your this person in your family doesn't stand up for you. Why people need to see others so critically. What I hear when I read what the person said is a form of hostility. Yes, out of interest it would have been generous of the other person to have at least investigated what you said to be able to talk about it with you. I have heard it before many times with my family. I hope the two of you will be able to work it through eventually. Sometimes time away from each other is best..and sever forever, maybe, but maybe time will change his thoughts too. Maybe he will grow or soften in his views.

It sounds like you are looking after yourself, and that takes some strength. Recognizing that "him/them" theme...that is what I think is bred from some form of hostility even if they are not aware of it. It doesn't promote oneness, unitedness, together on the struggle sort of attitude...but is divisive. Reminds me of when a person reaches teen years and fights to become themselves in their own right..there are a few years where often the teen pushes away as they prove to themselves who they are. Generally people end up embracing what they rejected. Maybe the need to see people in that divisive way is part of your family member's own immaturity?

Hugs, joy

[Joy]

For whatever reason, we were plunked down in families where we are the oddballs. People have different beliefs about why this happens. Whatever the original cause, I feel strongly that the Tao enlists everything in the service of the highest good. In other words, our not fitting in will probably turn out to be very useful to us personally and to the community. (Hunh, I just wrote this, went to do some treadmill, and read the exact same concept in something I just picked up. Synchro.)

Oh, Joy – there are so many things that take a minimum of 50 years to get good at! Take a look at this great research done by David Galenson showing that there are different types of genius – some are apparent very young, and some *require* many years of experimentation, life experiences, and maturation to achieve.

http://antidepressantwithdrawal.info...-your-mission&

I’m 50 also. Watch out world! Here we come! :)

It sounds like you’re mourning. Mourning is necessary and fruitful and your right, but don’t think thoughts that you have during mourning and w/d are the whole story.

Hi Sheila,

Synchronicity,..that is interesting in itself..maybe for the greater good. It all just seems to be a long journey to get where we are going.
I laughed out loud..."look out world, here we come!" and cried when I actually considered what you said about mourning. I don't know why that didn't occur to me..
I have so much pain in my heart. But it lifts and I am moving through it. Not fast enough for me.
My days lately are very thoughtful and contaplative. I can sit for hours and just have things ramble through my head. Sifting.

My phsyical w/d symptoms have lessened a great deal. My emotional symptoms, which are not depression although may sound like it, are raised a little.
Some days I have felt, healthy and light hearted...and appreciative.

Yesterday I had a very good day. We may have actually got some help for my partner at a new doctor. He tried to turn us down too...and I was so upset I berated the system..he agreed and said he couldn't understand it. He was new to Manitoba from Egypt and thought it a bad system but said he couldn't change it. I ranted and raved that just like everyone else, he has no interest in standing up to something that isn't right or putting themselves out to show an interest and meanwhile my partner is going downhill weekly and we can't get help. If it is irrepairable because of the time it will be somebody's fault and I said I was angry and it was time to make a noise...he walked out on me...but then came back and did a very thorough exam. He wrote the letter we needed and wrote up tests and even called us at 8:30pm at night as he was thinking about it. He is going on vacation the next day but will check new information from a specialist while away. I started to cry I was so moved. He probably thought I was a nut. But I was so happy.

Thank you for the last line...that these thoughts while in mourning/wd are not the whole story.

You are wise and I so much appreciate you Sheila and have an especially soft place in my heart for you kindness.
Joy