My Journey of Hell and Healing - Joy

[Sheila]

Yes, it sounds like recent hurts plus the nature of this neuro recovery process are awakening old hurts, so that you can heal everything at a deeper level than before.

I’m sorry about your loss of your mother and all the illness you all went through. That’s so sad to me that, because of family messages, you felt it was not OK to cry. Crying is so normal and healing! Not feeling your feelings definitely makes you feel unreal / DP / DR

Oof, I’m very sorry to hear about your suicide attempts. It sounds like you were made to feel that there was something wrong with you, and then the meds made things worse. You are what’s called the IP – the identified patient – the one that the family decides is the problem. But the IP is always just the canary in the mineshaft, expressing the problems of the whole family.

I’m very sorry you never encountered real help during such a long time. You are really having huge realizations right now. Realizing what you really needed, how reasonable your feelings were, how unhealthy various messages were. And, yes – that you have not only suppressed your painful feelings as instructed, but your joyful feelings as well!

You are doing great! Keep going.

PS – Coffee…..you are drinking a lot of coffee for some one in AD w/d. Most people can’t get away with that. If you decide to cut down, though, do it slowly. You might replace some of the coffee with decaf.

[Joy]

Thank you Luc,

It is amazing to think that many people are being labeled with Bipolar, Firbro, and things that may be directly linked to AD. The Omega 3 connection is VERY interesting. I hope we hear more in the media about it's use in healing. I think your right that once we 'replenish the body' and get the body restabalized that it can heal. I have high hopes of it. I am at 8,000mg/day. One thing I want to look up is if the higher dosages of Omega 3's (and Vit C), cause any damage to any of the organs. Any thoughts on that?

[Joy]

Thank you Parox! Very interesting information! I hope we all come out of this stronger!!
You mentioned in one of your postings that you spend time at a little house in a small Spanish speaking villiage. You have flowers in your garden and what sounds like lovely neighbors. It sounds fabulous! I have a romanticized version of it in my head probably, but I can just see you in an old town with dirt roads. People with chickens in their back yard. People wearing bright color peasant skirts and blouses with embrodry on them. Picking lots of daisys and wild flowers to put around a modest kitchen with a wood stove, wood floors, shuttered windows and an old wooden table with a cloth on it...Is my imagination working overtime?? It sounds lovely.
xox

[Sheila]

Can you just confirm that you are taking 8,000 mg EPA + DHA? As opposed to the amount of “fish oil” or “Omega-3” on the bottle, which can be misleading?

Weren’t you at 3000 just recently?

You can take Vitamin C “to bowel tolerance” – when you start to have diarrhea, you back off a bit. Now, this is complcated in AD w/d by the fact that many people have diarrhea some of the time anyway. But, Linus Pauling took 12,000 on a regular day, and 23,000 if he was sick.

Omega-3 you can also take to bowel tolerance. Also, if you take too much (we’re talking 18,000 mg / day for years) you may start to get infections, because you have thrown your Omega-6 : Omega-3 ratio too far off. We do need Omega-6 for our inflammatory response. It’s just that our food supply is so Omega-6 biased now (due to profiteering) that we have too much Omega-6 in us.

[Joy]

Hi Sheila,
Thank you for the insightful comments. I knew that it was normal to cry..and I would on my own when I was private. However I never learned to express my own pain around my family. At the hospital visiting my mom I would at times have to take breaks and go out in the hall for a 'walk'..driving home in the van with my dad and sisters nobody would say a word but we were all hurting. I would supress the tears the best I could all the way home greatful that it was usually dark.
Later I was ashamed that I couldn't pull it together. I did a lot of grieving work on my own in my 20s. Today I believe I integrated the best of my mom's qualities that I loved into myself...or I have tried. I understood the family handled things in an unhealthy way only I didn't realize how much it affected the way I saw myself in the world. Not all of my problem adjusting came from that event...some I believe was the family interactions and remains so to this day.

The last week has been unbearable BUT I am feeling more at peace with the difficult family relations that I have. I don't have to cut them out...they have cut me out for questioning things..that was one of our unspoken rules. If you do something that someone else doesn't like they will cut you off..turn their backs and ignore you or what you have said. It is very unhealthy and doesn't allow anyone to express an opionion without judgement. It is not a safe place to be. I have tried, turned over every stone..appealed to them, and now I leave it alone and spend my energy on my life.

Yes, I suppose coffee is a stimulant..but I love it.... I haven't felt things get any worse after drinking it...so that makes it ok right???

[Joy]

Can you just confirm that you are taking 8,000 mg EPA + DHA? As opposed to the amount of “fish oil” or “Omega-3” on the bottle, which can be misleading?

Weren’t you at 3000 just recently?

Hi Sheila,

I have been working my Omega's up...I moved from 3 to 6,000 mg..quickly and then stayed there for awhile...3 or 4 weeks I am guessing and then I had just added one extra..and then a few days later an extra.......quick??? It didn't feel quick. I don't think I have had any tolerance problems unless it is causing sensitivities and mood problems.

oh...just checked...you are right 1,000mg. of fish oil but only 500 mg of combiined EPA/DHA..so I am only getting 4000mg/day @ 8 pills which is what I take!!
There is so many pills...and I am nowhere near what I should be! I am taking Webber naturals. Thank you for pointing that out!

Today I have felt a little better. Tolerance not good and boy can I be abrasive. I don't like it...but it comes out, snappy. I have had more energy and spent time with Max again. Had a great day with him. I am going to add it to the interests area...and took some great pictures that I want to post.
Our 5 little piggies wandered off...1/2 mile away through bush and fields....talk about free range pigs. We walked them back and they were pooped piggies after being outside all day running around. Whew, I thought we had lost them for good. They are all nice in safe in the barn tonight...sunburned and covered in ticks..but they are home.

I hope you are having a good day Sheila. :O)
xoox

[Sheila]

That’s hilarious about the AWOL piglets! This little piggie went to market!

I’m glad you’re going to do a Start-up thread.

You’re doing great work on your family stuff.

OK, so you’re on 4000 mg / day EPA + DHA. 500 mg per pill is not bad. Mine has 600. I think that’s pretty typical. I am taking 20 pills a day now – 12,000 mg EPA + DHA -- and I plan to keep going up. I love my happy fish pills! I feel like I’m healing myself when I swallow them.

Now, I cannot know this for sure, but my thought is that you may not be seeing the link between your physical and emotional symptoms on the one hand and your coffee and quick updose of Omega on the other hand.

You may not feel a reaction immediately after drinking coffee but it *will* increase your heart rate, BP, autonomic arousal which will lead to irritability, anxiety, various sensitivities, overwhelm. Ditto, going up too fast on the fish oil. I think a good rule of thumb is one pill every two weeks.

[Luc]

Joy, as far as coffee - some may not feel that much of a worsening, but more often than not, caffeine will aggravate the symptoms. The thing is that you may not experience the worsening instantaneously - it could happen a day after drinking coffee, or even a couple of days later on. That is why it's so difficult to figure out there's correlation and causation to it. Just try to listen to your body. Keeping a diary would also help you a lot (you could write in it what you eat, what you did on a given day, what you've changed, and so on).

Ps Of course, there's always a chance you do tolerate coffee, which would would be good news considering you like it a lot

[Joy]

Thank you Sheila and Luc,..I SO appreciate you input!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I have noticed an effect from the coffee as far as heart rate, but only sometimes do I notice. I hadn't even thought about it effecting me long after the fact.
As far as the fish oil causing it..I hadn't really considered that to any extent as I seemed to tolerate it well...but I will do what you suggest Sheila and put up only 1 pill ever 2 weeks. It feels like a whole lot of pills..ha,ha..actually, I am eating very well now and think the reason I am not dropping weight is that the oils probably have a whole whack of calories in them.

Currently taking: 4,000 mg Omg3's, 800 iu Vit E's, 3,000 VitD3, 3,000mg VitC, Kelp 1 tab, occasionally some Calcium but not regularly. Also I have started taking Apple Cider Vinegar 2 1/2 tbs a day, and sometimes throw in a potassium pill. I also add Olive oil to my diet hit and miss.

Thank you for the encouragement around my family issues Sheila. I think for the time being I have done as much as I can and feel more at peace to let things go. I have encouraged contact..they have access to a phone or email too. It is now their work to do. I am open to resume contact. I think it is crazy that I seems to place value on my worth as a person based on family's acceptance or rejection. I don't want to play that game anymore. Just getting to this place emotionally has taken a long time. I had reached the same conclusion more than a year ago, only w/d seemed to have triggered it again.

Luc, I remember reading on one of your posts that you take ACV daily...how much do you take? I really haven't a clue about it..but I hear it is good and we had some in the house..so I just added it in. Great idea about a diary. I haven't figured out what worsens thing...last night after dinner I became noteably worse...had a lot of ginger in it..and other spices. But things I eat daily so I wouldn't have thought they would impact.

I am hoping you are both doing well.
xox

[Luc]

Right now 1 1/2 tbs a day - ACV is an incredible thing; http://www.earthclinic.com/Remedies/acvinegar.html

Plus, there's every reason to believe it also decalcifies your pineal gland - one of the reasons (it's a considerable simplification, but there may be lots of truth in it notwithstanding) why so many people suffer from DP/DR when in WD

http://www.naturalnews.com/038533_pi...ciousness.html