Page 11 of 22 FirstFirst ... 9 10 11 12 13 21 ... LastLast
Results 101 to 110 of 218

Thread: My Journey of Hell and Healing - Joy

  1. #101
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Manitoba, Canada
    Posts
    184
    Hi Luc, thank you for your caring comment about healing. The title is fine as it is. You have my name on it too..is there someone else with the same title? Thank you for merging them. I don't know about ticks but I know the bug season in Canada is generally right through until the Fall.

  2. #102
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Manitoba, Canada
    Posts
    184
    Hi Stan, thank you for your message. You have got to experience the wonders of nature too!! Winter is only just over here and the grass just starting to turn green in places but there is old grass underneath. We have 3 kinds of ticks..the wood tick, the deer tick and there is another smaller one. When the dogs rout in the old grass they get more of them. about 100 tonight. Good advice about keeping the grass short..that will have to be a priority!! :O)

  3. #103
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Manitoba, Canada
    Posts
    184
    Hi Sheila,

    Thank you for your kind words. You are a compassionate person. I am having to work through some abandonment issues right now. My faith has been a support for me for a long time and I recently reached out for some help as I would like to bring myself back into a good standing however it isn't forthcoming. Although it feels hurtful, I know it is meant to discipline me back to a better course. Thank you for the link. Today I had an especially difficult morning as I was feeling very reactive to these hurts from many directions. I finally took a benadry for lack of something else to take and I felt better in about 30 min. went out and felt peaceful and together...since I have had a fairly good day. Not exactly a window but better! Thank you for your comment that it was brave and independent minded, I really felt the need to do what I did..even with the consequences although I didn't do it lightly. It was a huge sacrifice. It is funny how one hurt intensifies the other similar ones. I think the issues of loss are having to be dealt with as healing. It has triggered feelings about the loss of my mom when I was younger. Feelings of being alone, with no adult to help or offer assistance. That was part of my 'breakthrough'....when my mom was sick and she was for 5 years before she died, I stifled my pain and tears. I was so ashamed to cry and let my dad down. Crazy. Back then I was embarrassed and the pain felt unbearable as she would go in and out of remission and I always waited for the other shoe to drop. I was in my early teens at that point. Thinking back I struggled to contain all the feelings and they came out as angry. After I was lost. I was spacey and I believe it was derealization/personalization I read about. I walked around in a fog. This was reoccuring at times of stress..I felt far away from myself..looking out from inside..even hearing my voice as far away. I couldn't process emotions until I was completely alone. I began to have anxiety. It was better at some times and I forgot about it..but would resurface. My family just got on with things somehow and I was the problem one.. When I was around 30 I had some health issues that triggered things. Anxiety was bad. Had to live with my sister..and that was a bad thing. I ended up taking prozac for anxiety and it helped..and within a short time I made several suicide attempts and was admitted to the hospital.

  4. #104
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Manitoba, Canada
    Posts
    184
    After that I was given a number of different medications and I felt horrible. Over the next few years I went into crisis a couple of times...now I believe these were related to medication changes...one significant one is when I was put on Paxil. I had a reaction to it and got off it after maybe a week...and then crashed. After there were hosts of other medications and combinations. I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2. NOBODY drew any connections to my mental health and the way I learned to cope with the pain of my mom's death. A traumatic event. It is almost like disassociation..shutting down until I can cope. I never believed I had bipolar 2, however knew I couldn't cope. I sought counselling before my initial introduction to prozac. I went to see two psyciatrists hoping they would help me figure out my pain..and they said I was thinking correctly and couldn't see too much wrong..and the appointments stopped.
    After meds, I saw a psyciatrist for years and years...and never did he draw any connection but I read the link and I knew it was me to a tee. I could reflect back to so many times I would become spacey, trying to appear like I was taking in what someone was saying to me, feeling dizzy and embarrassed. Not living in my experience but seeing it from far within.
    So now I am trying to integrate what I have remembered and the sequence of events...and it is clearer. How could nobody have offered me any help? No doctor, family friend, dad, nobody reached out to talk about loss, death, grieving..and coping. Nobody told me that i could cry and not let anyone down. Nobody said that this horrible feeling I was having was maybe part of me as a young person trying to cope with something that was beyond what I could emotionally deal with. I am angry. I am sad and angry and wonder how I didn't see it as a coping problem. Who gets diagnosed with Bipolar 2 in their 30's? Why was I not diagnosed with anything until after I was put on Prozac? I knew it was a wrong diagnosis at the time...but I didn't have an answer either. I unsuccessfully to go off AD's several times and had a worsening ..obviously w/d but didn't know that then. I felt I was getting sicker with other symptoms and would eventually be too sick to try..so I did it this last time...and I am so grateful, more than you know for the support and information I have found on this website.
    I decided to live purposefully and sought out happiness...and met my partner Ed, who has been so wonderful and healing..someone that actually gives a damn.
    Someone who doesn't judge me. Amazing. I am trying to figure out who I really am now without meds. Sometimes I drift away still, but less so than I did years ago. As I have matured there has been a coming together more inside. I am trying to learn to live in the experience at the time. I want to be happy and I see it often..I recognize it is there.. The comment you made some time ago Sheila about being proud and not be afraid of expressing joy around a passion..made me realize that I have suppressed not just the painful things but also the happiness and joy.

    WHEW, exhale....

  5. #105
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    641
    Quote Originally Posted by Joy View Post
    Hi Sheila,

    Yes, relaxation exercises sound like they would help..but I feel resistant to trying them for some reason. When I want to relax I read the bible and meditate on spiritual material and I find that calms me.

    Coping isn't great...I do best when there is nothing expected from me and I can just do what I want. I had a cup of cocoa the other day and within 5 min I felt agitated and worked up.
    Love the horse pics, they look gorgeous. Have you got names yet?

    I am sure that reading the Bible will help, don't stop that! I would encourage you to give the relaxation exercises a go, though, because they are different to meditation. The idea is that you tense your muscles, and then relax them, while breathing deeply, starting with your feet and work your way up to shoulders, arms, neck. It is so your body can recognise the difference between being tense and relaxed. In a way you are forcing it to tense up and then forcing it to relax - re-training it, sort of.

    As for the breathing exercises, these are also re-training because we have learned to take shallow breaths and not getting enough oxygen to the brain, causes other problems and shallow breathing makes the body think it is anxious, causing anxiety. Well, that's my theory anyway. I hope you will give them both a go!

    You might want to watch cocoa - I have been told coffee and chocolate are stimulating. BUT how about cocoa for the horse's name???

    I cope much better also when nothing is expected of me! I keep my life VERY SIMPLE and just do the basics, not much at all, really.

    I love nature and can relate to you enjoying your horses. Animals are good to impart something to us - they don't expect anthing back! My peace is important to me also - sounds the same for you, so I do whatever I can to maintain it.
    1995-2001 20mg; 2008-2010 alt doses/skipping doses/switching med/CT
    2011-10mg: 10% taper to 7mg - crashed after 4mos
    June 2011 - 8mg July 2011 - 9mg July-Oct 8mg/9mg
    Oct 2011 - 8.6 Nov-Dec 2011 - 8.1
    Dec 14 - 7.7 Jan 11 - 7.3 May 2012 - 7.
    Jun 6.6 Aug 6.4 Oct 6.2
    Dec 6. Jan 5.7 Jun 5.5

  6. #106
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    641
    I just skimmed thru the rest of your posts! I will re-read later, as I can only read so much. The brightness or something on the computer affects my head and I lose concentraton - does that happen with you?

    ANyway, you have had to cope with an awful lot. It makes me so mad that they just don't address issues from childhood, which I believe is the cause of most of our problems in adulthood. Just give you the easy fix - the quick pill - and then just pay the money! Legal drug pushers!

  7. #107
    Founder Luc's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    4,616
    A shocking number of people are "diagnosed" with bipolar, Joy, but so often those "bipolar" symptoms are indeed the drugs side-effects/tolerance withdrawal/WD plus the constant switching of drugs by doctors. You will heal from it.

    What is most disturbing (though, overall, it's great news for many), being the real bipolar may very often arise from the lack of proper nutrition, supplements (like Omega-3 fatty acids; http://www.psycheducation.org/depres...ds/Omega-3.htm), too much stress and trauma, and many others (as everything in life, this lack of harmony will affect one's entire system by destabilising it), but once you replenish the body with certain ingredients and find some balance in life, it will help you recover.
    Last edited by Luc; 05-16-2013 at 12:17 PM.
    Keep walking. Just keep walking.

  8. #108
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Manitoba, Canada
    Posts
    184
    Hi Grandma,

    I think maybe I will try some of the exercise you mentioned. Maybe it would be good. You have found it helpful? Maybe it would be good to reground me when I don't want to use headwork to do that. A physical approach. Thank you.
    I have the bad habit of coffee. I love it. I have cut down a lot this month but still have several cups a day. I have added tea to my diet...homemade ginger/lemon/honey tea and regular tea to cut down the amount I have. Cocoa caused a problem for me the other day...so I limit that easier.

    Keeping life simple is a good thing Grandma. What do you that brings you happiness. Doing the basics can make you feel good. Especially when there are days that the basics seem too hard to do. Striving for peace and being peaceable are great. Thank you for the compliment about my horses. I appreciate it. I did find a name for the gelding. Max....maximize, to see the potential, to make the most of something. My theme maybe. Ha,ha.
    Nature is wonderful. Do you have much around where you are? Do you have any pets? They are a handful to have to look after but if you can manage it there is something special with that bond. I especially use to love the lakes, rivers and trees in Ontario. The beautiful hills and valleys and rocks and cropland. A mix.

    [QUOTE The brightness or something on the computer affects my head and I lose concentraton - does that happen with you?][/QUOTE] Yes, it does. I find it difficult to sit at the computer to long.

    Thank you for your thoughtful comments. I appreciate them. I will try one of the exercises later today.
    xox

  9. #109
    Moderator
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Spain
    Posts
    284
    Hi, Joy
    I'm sorry to see all that you have suffered. I believe this experience will make you stronger, and with more values​​.There are several types of meditation, and one of them is to pray,

    Grandmad, Great idea relaxation, very, very good.

    Sheila, thanks for the link "stages of faith", I love
    Joy, Grandmad.

    Free app adjusts color on monitors to prevent disruption of sleep cycle


    Blue light emitted from computer screens can interrupt the hormone that regulates our sleep cycles, studies have shown.


    I stare at screens almost every waking hour.
    Computer monitor. Laptop. TV. Tablet. Smartphone.

    So I've tested a few ways to ease the strain on my eyes - and, in the process, learned about something that might be helping me in non-waking hours, too.

    It's about the light that these screens emit. It typically has a cool blue undertone, whether you notice it or not. (Think of your next-door neighbor's TV seen through a window at night.) That's fine during the day - screen light was designed to mimic the tones of daylight. But my screen time lasts long after dark. And that's the problem.

    Humans evolved to respond to darkness by producing melatonin, the hormone that regulates the sleep cycle. But our light-sensitive pineal gland near the center of the brain responds to blue light by suppressing melatonin, causing us to wake up.

    When we see too much blue light in the late evening, it delays or disrupts the melatonin rush. In other words, my iPad can keep me up even after I turn it off.

    But just as technology can cause this problem, it offers a solution as well. Enter F.lux, a desktop application that adjusts a computer screen's color throughout the day. During daylight hours, the screen's undertone is the familiar blue. As sundown approaches, it begins transitioning to a warm shade of red-orange. In the morning, it's cool blue again.

    More
    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn...021404136.html

    http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2...steven-lockley
    Mar/2009 (diacepam+nortriptilina).Aprl-2010 (sulpiride+diacepam). May-2010:Tranxene 20 mg+SEROXAT 20mg
    TAPER BENZO:Apr-2011 20-10mg.; Sep-Nov -2011 taper 10 a 0mg. BENZO FREE 06/11/2011
    TAPER SEROXAT: jul-ago-11: de 20 a 10 mg; Dic-11/jan-10-5mg;Apr-sep-12 5-0mg . SEROXAT FREE: 15/09/2012
    Internal tremor, brain fog, memory, lack of concentration, anxiety. Problem original: Stress

  10. #110
    Founder Sheila's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Northern California
    Posts
    4,412
    Parox – Great info! Can you also please add it to the “Behavioral Optometry” thread in Alternatives? Thanks!
    Meds free since June 2005.

    "An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one's own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space."
    -- Holger Kalweit

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts