My Journey of Hell and Healing - Joy

[Joy]

Thank you Luc, M&M, Sheila and Biscotaki,

I appreciate the comments. I have come to a new understanding but I am not feeling very good to even spend the effort to write about it. The new insight I have doesn't seem so important in this state of mind. The neuro emotions have me feeling very guilty about where I am at. I am hard to live with. I complain, cry and am snappy with the one person in this world that seems to care about me. I can't seem to stop myself. I am dissatisfied with everything in my life and questioning every decision I have ever made.
I purposely went outside twice yesterday to work with my horse. Just walked and then spent some time grooming him. After I walk around the property...stopped to see our 5 little piglets who do make me laugh as they play with each other. I rescued a little bird that had flown into the barn and was being chased by the little pigs. And then took about 60 ticks off the dogs...and that was the end of the enjoyment for me!! There were ticks crawling on me...and that set me off with...what the hell am I doing in Manitoba!!!! It wasn't a peaceful time...I was hot and prickly, and feeling irritated and over stressed. Today I am feeling sad and a little hopeless. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.
Thank you again my healing friends. I appreciate your support.
Joy

[Luc]

I feel your pain, Joy. I really do. But you're still doing an incredible job - so many good deeds in just one day. :) You do your best, you take it step by step. That is what counts most. This suffering will become for you a nightmare from the past one day.

You mention self-guilt - this one is very very strong in WD - "not doing enough", etc. But it's just a neuro-emotion. A nasty one, but still a neuro-emotion. It will be losing its intensity. The current weather may have added to your symptoms too.

A technical question - in case you wanted your both journal threads to be in one place, we could merge them. But, of course, there's no pressure or anything. :) If you prefer the way it is now, it's all perfectly ok - the most important is for you to feel comfortable.

[PAROX2010]

Have you thought about buying a tick repellent?. Have you asked the residents of Manitoba if they know any natural remedy against ticks?
I looked in google and this was the first I found (sorry, traslate...)

Instructions
need:

3 ounces (85 g) of garlic
2 teaspoons mineral oil
water
1/4 ounce (7 g) of dish detergent
A spray bottle
Meat tenderizer utensil
A small container
A colander

1 Finely chop 3 ounces (85 g) of garlic.
2 Pour 2 teaspoons of mineral oil in a small bowl.
3 Mix garlic in mineral oil and let it soak overnight.
4 Fill a spray bottle with three quarters of tap water.
5 Add 1/4 of an ounce, a splash (7 g) of dishwashing detergent in the spray bottle with water.
6 Add garlic and mineral oil mixture in the spray bottle.
7 Cover the mouth of the spray bottle and shake well.
8 Spray a test blast in the sink. If the minced garlic inhibits the spray, you may want to strain the liquid and return the solution to the spray bottle.
9 Spray the repellent on skin or pets to kill and repel ticks.

Sorry, smell of garlic, lol

Hugs

[Luc]

What a great idea, Parox! I just did some research too and found this video; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPERU3kHBuQ
This guy swears by Apple Cider Vinegar. On a side note, ACV is known for numerous great uses - body detox including - I drink some ACV (with water!) every day. Joy, you would just need to do some extra googling to make sure it works - just looking at a couple of forums at least = more people's opinions on it.

[Sheila]

Joy – You just took a big bite of insight and it’s going to turn out well, but you need to digest it, and that’s harder to do in w/d, but that’s also when the big insights come! Just wait a bit; everything will integrate.

Good for you for going out to the horse!

Parox – Ha ha! I had the same thought. Joy – here’s another option for ticks. It’s a collar based on using the animal’s own energy and magnifying it. It works for some animals, and doesn’t work for others. But, if it works, it’s the healthiest, easiest option –

http://www.onlynaturalpet.com/produc...ag/999024.aspx

[Joy]

Hi, and thank you Luc, Parox and Sheila,

I appreciate you looking things up for me. That is so kind. I can't download video as download speeds are too slow here..I do need to do some more research. The numbers of ticks is just staggering. I find them in my bed, my one sacred place. They are are just everywhere. Apparently people here use Guinea Fowl to reduce the numbers. I will see today if I can find some. My partner stepped outside for maybe a min today, not in tall grass or against anything but came in with one on his shoulder. I heard yesterday someone had a horse around here and it couldn't get up off the ground. It was covered with ticks and had blood poisoning. I hope it lived but didn't hear. I had heard that happens to colts but first I have heard for an adult horse.

Parox, thank you so much for the receipy...oh, know that I killed that spelling. I like the natural approach too,..tick sprays have I believe, strong pesticides and very harmful. They come in the wormers we give the horses too..actually gave them to the dogs too. I think they are only effective for killing ticks for a couple of weeks and we can't do them too often. My partner just came in from the garage with a tick repellent...30% Deet. Maybe good for spraying clothes.

You made me laugh Luc with your comment 'so many good deeds in one day'....that struck a funny cord with me. That may be the best remedy of all.
I do have some apple cider vinegar here...I haven't looked that up, but maybe will and see it's benefits. I hear what say about not feeling guilty, but partly I think it is self preservation...not wanting to overburden my partner. I think I would be wearing to be around right now. He has his own issues in Family Court and today he took the initiative to request some counseling.

Sheila, that is an interesting idea about magnifying the animals own energy. I will have a look at the website.
I do think I started with some healing work. Yes, maybe it just takes awhile to integrate new information.
I think the whole w/d thing would have been easier for me except I have lost almost every support I had built up over my lifetime. True, I did it to myself with some of my decisions..nontheless, it makes things difficult. Family disconnect has been ongoing for years..always was more harmful than helpful. I did however make a huge leap of faith by coming to Manitoba to start over with my partner. Doing this mean leaving my religion as I was no longer living by bible principles and of course this means loosing the friends associated with it. I choose to do so hoping that one day I would return when we were in a position to get married. Perhaps because I was weak, lacked faith or any number of reasons, I felt strongly I had to follow this course. I do have a couple of friends that were not in my faith and I have some contact with them. Oh what a tangled web we weave... :O(
So, yes w/d seems to attack the very core of your being. The way you think and perceive things.

[Joy]

Luc, I don't know what I was doing starting a new thread..maybe at the time thinking I would try to make it more about healing than hurting. Less about symptoms and more about emotional/mental process. I am just not doing to that end..ha,ha. I am fine if you wish to put it together with my other thread. Thank you.

[Luc]

I merged the two threads, Joy. Your starting the thread with the word "healing" in it must have meant a lot, also on a subconscious level, so I renamed your journal accordingly. Let me know if you'd like to change anyting in the title.

My, those ticks are unbelievable. How long will they keep pestering you? When does the bug season end in Canada? Autumn?

[stan]

ticks cannot live in trees, small shrubs, they live in high grass because they need humidity; so cutting grass and they will die; in east France, there are ticks, but these are very nasty in that area and can give lyme disease, i was born in that area; i bought a hook in pharmacy special to put them from my dog away, and avoid going in places where the ticks could be;

[Sheila]

Stan -- great tip about cutting the grass. Might be worth hiring someone to do it.


Joy -- Oooh, I love the idea of getting guinea fowl to keep down the ticks!

Does citronella work with ticks? They make candles and sprays – natural.

I’m so sorry you had to make an either-or-choice with your religion and that set of friends v. your relationship with your partner. That was very brave and independent-minded of you. I think it’s likely that you will find a way to keep what you want to keep from the old belief / value system and build new things onto that.

As a sort of synchronicity, there’s an interesting, classic book on the “Stages of Faith” by James W. Fowler. And here’s a handy dandy summary of his theory –

http://www.dancingpastthedark.com/hu...he-nde-forest/