my story

[morningtide]

The OCD is way more in check. I still have some rituals I get caught up in sometimes from stress, but for the most part it is way under check, and I remind myself that it is in my head, take deep breaths. I still do rituals, but they do not get much in the way. When I have enough strength I normally ignore them but lately has been harder for me. It's way better though, I have dark intrusive thoughts as well. I'm trying to figure out that part of my psyche, I'm unsure entirely why it occurs, anyhow meditation has helped me learn to ignore them. I see the good and the bad, but try to ignore the bad to only see the good so I don't feel so tortured.

[Junior]

Sounds like you are doing really well. You said your OCD came on because of bullying. It may be that the bullying was the trigger but I doubt it would result in OCD unless your brain/ body was susceptible in the first place. Once you are safely over w/d, if it becomes really problematic it might be worth looking into therapy. I say this because when I was studying an elective in neuropsych, during my 3rd year psych studies, I found out that therapy is just as effective as meds for OCD and of course it is far longer lasting.

Keep up the good work :)

[morningtide]

It was weird I hit my head really hard and I think that caused more stress in my life, and while I was severely bullied at a new school, it was really terrible, and for the next years of my life, throughout high school, it continued. I did a lot of rituals because I wanted to be liked and would do them for hours, I eventually refused to go to school which they thought twas OCD but I think it was just because I was treated so horribly. I'm incredibly sensitive, and empathic. I feel others emotions very strongly, even from afar when communicating with people, I can tell when someone is thinking of me. So I was an easier target to pick on because of my sensitivity, and kindness, and I have deep down a strong intituition to rule (in a good way). I feel very angery with those people with how horrible they were to me. I never had any friends throughout high school, eventually on the meds though I just started not to care. I also think I had trouble connecting with their emotions, both because of the weird way I saw the world, and the dullness. I still do not engage with people, as I have horrible past experiences and feel most comfortable with myself. I'd like to get past that because deep down I do feel very lonely but it's really hard for me. I can read peoples minds through feeling their energies and reading body language, I can easily spot weakness, and am easily hurt by them or drained. People are so complicated for me, because I understand them too much, and care too much. I'd like to eventually make friends and go out places, but it's really hard for me.

[Luc]

I'd like to eventually make friends and go out places, but it's really hard for me.

It will happen, Morningtide. Just a matter of time. So many many sensitive folks are prescribed these drugs... But it's not them, the sensitive ones, that are abnormal and need to be corrected, but it's *the world* that needs a major overhaul. On a personal note, I hated my high school. It was a time of freakish trauma, and on all possible levels.

You will be, step by step, rebuilding your life, or rather building a new, better one. Do not lose your sensitivity, read a lot, keep looking for the ways that would help you alleviate WD and heal, keep working on expanding your knowledege and consciousness. You will get there.

[morningtide]

I feel like I have to be the strongest for everyone, to give light to everyone, and it's exhausting. I have one friend who I can really connect with but she moved to Arizona, but we are both like little children around each other and I can let my guard down and it's nice. I gave up reading because my imagination is gone and honestly it bums me out, sometimes doing the things I love make me stressed because it's just not the same.

I want to stimulate my brain more though because I do think trying to connect with things will help retrain my brain. I like mysterious writings, ancient history, folklore, whatever all that stuff interests me. So if you have anything to share that'd be nice because I am trying to reteach my brain to have an imagination, I put a lot of effort into it. I haven't gotten much back, it exhausts me, but I want to keep trying. And I want to be more articulate as well again, I've lost that from not reading. So if you have any documentaries or good books, or anything to share that would be great!

[Sheila]

Jacqueline -- You're on a very good path to getting your true self back. You will be able to feel emotions and be creative naturally again.

You took meds from a very young age, and people who do that miss out on a lot of development. You will catch up now. But, I think that's part of what feels weird -- you just didn't get to experience and learn naturally for many formative years.

Also, it's possible that the Ativan is still blocking your feeling like yourself, real, and in the world. Eventually, it would probably be a good idea to taper off it. But, you have only been off the AD for two months, and I would wait another four months before starting another taper. And, even then, it will depend on how you are feeling. But, I tell you this as something to look forward to -- you will be removing yet another block.

I would suggest looking into Omega-3 to repair and strengthen your nervous system, and indeed your whole body.

[morningtide]

Thank you for all your positivity, and I take 2 OMEGAs, I'm 95lb, I don't know if you are knowledgable on it but I wondered if I should take more to heal or if 2 is the right amount since I am small.

[Luc]

I'd say taking a bit more of fish oil is better than taking less. It's a great supplement.

You will find this thread very helpful, Morningtide, especially page 2; http://antidepressantwithdrawal.info...hp?831-Omega-3

[Sheila]

Jacqueline -- What is the EPA and DHA content of your Omega pills? Be sure and notice if they're telling you the content for one pill at a time, or two at a time.

[morningtide]

I'm not sure as I haven't been home...

I'm updating this to look back on and keep track of myself. I feel like I can be in touch with beauty again for the first time in ever, though I knew it was always there with the way I saw things. But I can be greatful now for it, because I do feel it. I can't feel intense emotions, and I can't cry deeply though I wish I could. I started seeing a guy but now I am going to stop, he is an artistic genuis very attuned, and I realize I do not have the intense emotional energy to give him as he has to give for me. I never am able to really feel fullfilled, so how can I fullfill someone else? I feel so much magical energy from him, other worlds sometimes. I lost those things with the meds, though I do think my energy is good I know my love isn't intense and fast enough. I just do not feel that anymore. I don't know if he can feel that. I use to be able to have so much love in me I could drag anyone with me but now that is not there. I'm going to stop seeing him because I can just feel it might not work for that reason, and my ego can't take the pain of being hurt by it. This has dragged me into a deep slump of hopelessness. I decided I'm going to sign up for an Ashram and do that to keep my mind off things while I heal and hopefully be able to love again someday.