I can't be enough for someone if I can't be enough for myself, and it's hard to when I can not feel, which what always made me love myself. And I constantly try to engage myself with things but sometimes I get tired of trying so hard to feel and be engaged again. I keep believing in magic because what else can I do. I lost so much compassion because of the disconnect of love, and that tortures me a bit. I keep my mind off these things most of the time but these past days it's hard. I try hard to connect with everything I use to feel naturally high off of it. I feel disconnected from even my family. I developed an obsession with power I have let go of, but it happened with the ability to not be in touch with the world, it made me so hard. I've gotten hard, I'm not looking back, but everything hurts even though I can't feel it. I wish i could cry but I can't. I only have whimpers. So frustrating.